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Mog Soldiers

by Del S


Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Horsing around with Guns and Grenades
Balloon hopped down from the rope, and lit a flare standing out in the open. (he was standing out in the open, not the flare).

Balloon waved aforementioned pyrotechnic device around in the air to try attracting some weremoogles.

He noticed one that was merely looking at the ground

"Oi, Stupid! Over here!" he yelled.

The creature glanced up at him, then ignored him before staring once more at the ground.

Balloon noted some other weremoogles nearby, so formulated a plan...

A photo landed in front of the weremoogle that had ignored him as the rest stalked in.

"Eh? Whassat? YOU SICK BUGGER! 'ere, weremoogles, that sick git's looking at a photo of a moogle only four years old, he's a stinking paedophile!"

The gene for lynching kicked in before the weremoogles realised that Balloon mean four HUMAN years, which translated to twenty in Moogle. Balloon was halfway up the rope when they realised this, and also realised that, semi-invincible creature or not, their chum wasn't going to be very happy at being dead.

"Move your arse, soldier!" Flegan yelled at Balloon.

"Moving very quickly, ma'am!" said Balloon, struggling in. Then the weremoogles pulled on the rope, and started to climb up too.

"Crap, someone cut it!" Blooper yelled.

Flegan emptied a box of knives onto the weremoogle, who fell, minced and yelping.

"...not exactly what I meant, but it'll do..." he said, cutting the rope.

Meanwhile, Joey had entered the stable via a side door, Shotgun ready. The horse took one look at the weapon and instantly became docile.

Joey moved the horse in front of the wagon, hitched it up, and then lit an oil lamp.

In front of the horse, near the main door, sat a weremoogle, and Berry.

Berry reached towards Joey, as if pleading for help.* Then the weremoogle bit his head off and threw it at Joey.

The severed head actually hit the horse, which promptly ran backwards out of the stable, taking the cart and Joey with it. Through the wall.

"Arrgh! Splinters!"

Joey drove the carriage up to near the front door, then heard hissing behind him.

"Its behind me, isn't it?" he said to the air. Unfortunately, the air only spoke French, German, Spanish, and Welsh so didn't know what he was talking about.

Joey, despite lack of an answer, drew his sword.

"COME ON THEN YOU FURRY TIT!" He screamed, diving in the back. Yelling in anger, which soon turned to agony as the wagon rocked back and forth, then stopped moving...

The group ran out of the door, to the back of the wagon. Blooper looked in, saw blood staining the canvas, and handed Flegan a revolver(1).

Carrying the rifle dropped by Berry when he was dragged off, Blooper looked into the wagon. Joey lay there, covered in stab wounds and lacerations, a small burst football sat hissing, and a box marked 'sharp objects, do not leap on angrily' had clearly been leapt on. Blood naturally was spattered everywhere.

"Joe... you daft git..." murmured Balloon.

"Grokupowl!" said the weremoogle on the wagon's roof.

"OH, BUGGER!" Screamed Blooper, stumbling back whilst firing.

Flegan and Fells levelled their revolvers and put twelve rounds into the creature.

The surviving humans sat in the sitting room, Balloon counting the remaining ammo, Cryan still tied up by the fireplace, and the others "Interrogating" him.

"Okay, Cryan, sing now. What was your team doing here?" Blooper asked

"When I said I'd sing, I lied!" Cryan smirked. The smirk faded as the shotgun muzzle was stuck in his mouth for pretty bloody obvious reasons.

"Laaagh, fish guns bin up a airoogles ahsehole you ick astard!" Cryan said, or tried to.

"I know, and Joey bled all over it too. Sing, or it goes up yours, then YOU bleed on it," Fells said.

"Have you ever heard of Special Weapons division? The crazy people who train rabbits to rip guts out?" The officer said.

"They wanted you to capture one of these things?" Blooper said.

"Exactly. We were to lay whatever bait we wanted to catch it."

"Bait?" Fells asked

"You lot," The man said coldly.

"You bloody animal! Why the hell did you kill my lads? Just to catch tone of those things?" Fells yelled.

"Um, I thought I made that rather clear," Cryan said.

"Easy, Sarge. Lets hear the rest, while we plan what to do with him," Blooper said

"I was told to get one by any means. I recalled Blooper there, and reasoned that if he wouldn't kill a dog he wouldn't kill a moogle," Cryan said. Fells punched him.

"So explain why it went tits up then , you smug , upper class, shit?" Balloon asked, from the table.

"Our intelligence boobed. We thought there was only one..."

"Yes, yes, we heard you say that earlier," Flegan said.

"...but they numbered closer to twenty," Cryan finished.

Fells turned away from the officer, to speak to Balloon.

"What's the ammo like, Balloon?"

"Only forty bolts left for three bows, about thirty bullets for the revolvers and rifle to share. Shotguns got a few shells, but other than that, looks like swords soon Sarge. Had a root around and all I found were a few barrels of gunpowder, and these funny looking tubes with bulbs on the end and 'RPG' on the side. I think they're useless."

"Yeah, just put them back. Look for anything silver..."

Blooper walked over to the fireplace. Upon it lay a small photo of the houses owners outside. However, no silver.

"If those are the owners, where are they?" He asked.

No silverwhere was found anyware. Initially, Fells thought this was because they had misspelled it, but Flegan had another idea.

"The reason they have no silver here, is because why would a weremoogle have silver in his house?" Flegan said

"Ah, bumgrapes," Blooper said.

"Bloody mystical! No wonder they're attacking, we just invaded their house!" Fells realised.

To cheer himself up, he walked back over to Cryan

"Now, Captain, let us continue our chat. Possibly about why you've recovered so quickly..." Fells said.

"Yeah. When we found you, you were at death's door. Now you're fine," Blooper said.

"Same with Fells..." Cryan pointed out.

"This isn't about Fells, Cryan, it's about YOU!" Flegan said

"Oh, maybe its about us both..." Cryan said, standing up. After ripping the ropes apart like paper.

"Oh buggery," Balloon said.

"Yep, that about sums it up..." said Blooper.

Cryan's eyes glowed yellow, and then he fell behind the table. Cloth ripping, pained moans and the sound of bones grinding came from behind the table, then came pained yelps instead of screams...

Cryan stood back up, with claws, and a lot more hair...

"I've just crapped my pants," Blooper said

"That's okay, Bloop, I just crapped your pants as well," said Baloon.


"None of mine were washed..."

Cryan howled, and leapt forward...

*really, he was saying 'J'accuse' but A) he was too weak and B) Joey didn't know who Jack Hughes was.

(1) not for her protection, really, but his, because it's statistically proven that 9/10 attackers attempting a close combat kill will go for the revolver-firing person first. Its probably Dirty Harry's fault.
Caves of Narshe: Final Fantasy VI
Version 6
©1997–2019 Josh Alvies (Rangers51)

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