Mog Soldiersby Del S
Final Fantasy 6: Mog Soldiers
Prologue: Oh come on, don't they educate anyone these days?!
This is a tale of horror. It is a tale of monsters. It is a tale of comradeship. It is a tale of bravery.
It's a tale of how stupid people can be.
Humankind, no matter where it resides, has, across boundaries of seas, oceans, stars, and time, always made the typical mistake. To the extent you'd think it would be genetic not to do it by now. But no. People will forever enter the darkened room, investigate the strange noise, hold the gun wrong and let the psycho killer disarm you, and go down into the basement.
And the thing people have forever done of FF6's world was simple: camping.
Not the old ‘marshmallows-round-the-fire‘, but the old ‘young couple going into the hills to study nature and biology*'.
Such as what is about to happen to an unfortunate couple in the Hills of Narshe.
The two sat by a stream in the hills of Narshe, where they were camping. The two were clearly in love, and therefore clearly doomed.
"Well, this is better than working," said the Man
"Isn't it? And speaking of work..." the woman handed a small box over, "To celebrate your new job."
It was a solid silver, ornamental letter-opener. The man, pleased at the gift, kissed the woman.
Later, the two were in their tent, and about to do what humans do, when the man realised that the noises of buttons and studs being popped had nothing to do with the woman's trousers. The two looked at the tent's entrance, which was unbuttoning...
The man grabbed a stick and whacked the entrance, concussing the perverse man outside. The two resumed their efforts, but were interrupted by a growling, the confused "Eh?" from the KO'ed man who had been awoken, then the "AAAARGH!" as the nameless pervert was attacked and rather messily killed. The two stared at each other in horror, when something grabbed the woman's feet. The man struggled against whatever was trying to drag his love away, but then there was an explosion of blood, and the woman was dragged out. The man stared at the attackers, blood on his face, terror in his eyes, and then...
The Figaroan-Narshean border
The man ran through the treeline, torchlight's glinting behind him. Dog's barked all around, and men with crossbows hunted the man. A magnesium flare shot into the sky illuminated the area.
The man, a Soldier, wore camouflaged trousers and a green shirt. He had brown hair and currently, a face covered in dirt.
The soldier ran straight into one of his pursuers: and then he disarmed him first by stealing his torch off of him, hitting another pursuer who had approached with the unlit section. Then he threw the torch at another chaser, hitting the man in the face.
However, the Soldier was smacked in the side of the head, and knocked down. A revolver was levelled at the side of his head.
"Nice try, Private Blooper," said the pistol-wielder." You evaded capture for 22 hours, and ...447 minutes?! What in the name of God is wrong with this watch now?"
The confused CO threw his watch away, and shot it. Then asked the rest of his men the actual time.
"I make it 46, sir" said one
"I make it 12," said another
"Woof," said a dog
"Shut up, just because you always set your watch right!" the Captain yelled at the dog. He then continued:
"As our four-legged smartarse has told us, you evaded capture for 22 hours and 45 minutes." The bewildered private looked at the dog. "Go to the top of the class, Blooper."
"Can't, sir, got thrown out of school, sir."
"It was the explosion in the chemistry lab Sir. Went out the window and the place burnt down, and they wouldn't let me back in when it was rebuilt."
"Well, the real trick in survival lies not in running and hiding but in removing the enemy's capacity to hunt you down."
"Did that after the second explosion sah. Shot the watchman and ran like hell on his chocobo, sah."
The man looked blank for a second, before glancing at the dog, and offering the revolver over to be taken
"Here. Shoot the dog."
"... I'm sorry sir, what?"
"Take the revolver and give the dog an extra hole in the head."
"You are under my command on the selection process, Bloop. That is an order.
"This is a joke, right?"
"He thinks I'm joking... do I look like a comedian you shit for brains?"
Blooper looked at the man, who resembled a balder, fatter, older, Adam Sandler, and realised that, based on that evidence, the man just looked like an idiot. However the Captain DID have a loaded gun so Blooper simply said
"No, Sir... but I still won't do it."
"Do it." Blooper stayed silent and above all did not take the gun. The Captain screamed
"What use are you to my team if you can't even kill a dog? Even though you killed a pig"
"I can kill a dog Sir, and I have done on many occasions but they were attacking me at the time. And for the record, I only wounded the watchman but have killed twelve actual pigs with yet another science experiment, Sir. But I will not kill that dog for no reason"
"So if this dog were to attack you now?" the Captain grinned. He ordered the dog to attack. It refused.The captain growled. The dog half-heartedly growled back.
"Well, Blooper, you've failed," the Captain said, looking at the now-angry dog.
"For this?!" Blooper cried.
"You failed yourself. I need psycho killers who don't need reasons. Not even to kill a dumb stupid leg-humping son of a dog-whore "
The dog then attacked the Captain.
You son of a bitch!" the Captain screamed, and shot the dog in the head. Blooper responded angrily, lunging for the Captain
"You sick bastard!"
"It was just a dog, that's all. Maybe when that's sunk in, you'll live and learn," the Captain said, having levelled the revolver at Bloopers face.
"Maybe, but you won't." Blooper then smacked the revolver out of his hands as he punched the Captain, but the Officer threw the private to the forest floor. The angry Captain warned:
"I don't do second chances, pal. And I never forget." The Captain then saw something.
"Who the hell shot my watch?!" the Captain exclaimed.
"You did sir," the burnt-faced man said.
"Oh... What sick bugger shot that dog!?" the Captain said.
"You again," said the man with a headache.
"And... why have I got a gun pointed at this mans head?"
"You were fighting private Blooper ,sir," said the last one.
"Ah, right... RTA this piece of shit."
"Road Traffic Accident? Sir, it wont be an RTA if we do it deliberately."
"RTC even! Return him to his squad!"
"Its RTU, Captain Cryan," Blooper said helpfully.
"Shut up! Just cos I forget the odd piece of information here and there..." the Captain burst into tears, and the private was taken away to be sent back to his regiment. Cryan, once he had stopped Crying, wandered off. A man with a crossbow followed and told him the base was the other way...
*Human reproductive systems in 6 cases out of 10. However in this case I guess they studied the eating habits of Mogarou's... other things studied include trees, flowers, mushrooms, birds, and the entrails of the last people a hungry Mogarou got to.