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Mog Soldiers

by Del S


Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Berks Miffed.
The House

Weremoogles approached every window. Bowfire greeted them.

Berry aimed his rifle out of a window as a white, tall, shape neared.

"'Allo mate, are those yer kupo nuts?" He fired once. The Weremoogle howled.

"Yeah, Bollocks!" screamed the soldier.

Joey, meanwhile, blazed at the window with his shotgun.

Balloon fired his bow out the window. Then he noted that six Mogarou's were outside. So he threw a grenade.

There was a loud bang, but it sounded... suppressed. Also, the flash was not quite as intense as usual.

He looked out of the window, thin smoke streaming in, to see white fur and blood surrounding a scorch mark and a pair of smouldering feet, with burnt, dazed, and gore-spattered weremoogles nearby. Balloon deduced that one must have swallowed the grenade, and then come down with some serious indigestion. *

Berry giggled at the three creatures wailing on the ground outside his window. Then a girl-weremoogle approached.

"Erk..." said Berry, and blazed away. Bloop soon arrived at his window, and helped out with bowfire, but as he did, a white-clawed arm smashed the small window on the door, and scrabbled for the lock.

Balloon did a sliding tackle to shut the door, but this was a bad idea on the splintery wooden floor.

"AAAARGH! ME ARSE!" he screamed, leaning onto the door to keep it shut. A jolt from the creature at the other side knocked his bow's clip out however.

"Bloop!" the private screamed. Blooper grabbed a pot of boiling water from the stove, and ran to the door. The thrown water hit the window to a yelp and an argh.

"Gimme that pot, Bloop!" Balloon said, then hit him over the head with aforementioned pot, before smacking the undead creature's nose repeatedly.

Joey neared his window, firing out of it. An arm grabbed the shotgun from him.

"Oh shite!" He screamed, and leapt aside as the buckshot flew overhead. The gun was then thrown back in on top of his testicles. He hastily grabbed it, pointed the shotgun at the creature entering, and blew its eyeballs out. Rectally.

"Urgh... I hope there's disinfectant in here..." Joe said. He started to reload the shotgun by the boarded up back window, and, predictably, an arm grabbed him.

"Bloop!" he yelled. Blooper ran in, sword drawn, and cut the arm off.

"Cheers," Joe said. The hand was still on him

"Give me that here mate," Blooper said, grabbing the limb and throwing it out the window to a yelp.

The two soldiers looked out to see a one-armed weremoogle with a severed limb stuck by the clawed fingers into its eyes. Both soldiers laughed.

Balloon dropped a grenade out of his window, reloading his bow. After the bang, he simply aimed out.

Blooper, despite the bangs, heard a noise upstairs.


A Weremoogle stepped into the window daintily, moving towards the bed that Fells lay unconscious upon.

Bloop ran in, shot the one he saw, but was punched by one hiding in the cupboard.

"Bastard! Not that old jape again!"

He leapt up, and no weremoogles were visible.

He wrenched the cupboard door open and no weremoogle. A Wardrobe, nothing.

A kick from below the bed knocked him down, and there was a weremoogle.

The creature leapt up, in the process, waking Fells, who shot it in the bottom with a flare gun. The creature yelped in horror as it became an RPM (Rocket Propelled Monster) and zoomed out the window. There was yelping, then a bright flash, and then no more yelping

The second weremoogle, halfway in the window, reconsidered his entry after the events of the last few seconds. He jumped down and ran off screaming in weremoogle fear.

"Bloody hell, Bloop, where did all these slavering vicious hairy creatures come from?!"

"The Barracks, Sarge, they're your squad," Blooper replied.

"The UGLIER ones," Sarge said.

"Dunno. Look like Domans to me."

Downstairs, Berry turned to Flegan.

"Mogs? Right bunch of pussies!" he chuckled, then arms shot in the window and grabbed him. The woman stared out in horror; to the extent she barely noticed putting her hand on a nail.

She soon did however

"Oh buggerAAARGH!" She said, slipping on a banana skin.

Blooper came down the stairs to be told of Berry's abduction. Fells hobbled down also.

"Well then, we'll just get him back!"

"Don't bother. He's dead and you know it," Said Cryan

"He's probably right Bloop," Joey said.

"I'm not dead... they were just the bad joke police and they gave me a mild kicking..."

"Yeah... poor bugger," Fells said.

"If you come out and drag me back in quick, I can sit on the stairs and watch the door! And shoot thingies!"

"And to think we never trusted him with live grenades!" sobbed Bloop.

"You didn't?! Bastards! Here, have yer grenade back Bloop!"

"And we always pissed in his tea..." Balloon said.


Something bounced off the window-frame, and laded back where it came from.

"Oh bugger."

"Poor git... I can hear him now, y'know" Joey said.


"Yeah mate... we'll all hear him in our hearts," Bloop said.

"Yfeckin bastard! Arrgh, me bloody legs!"

"Anyway, lets get boarding the windows back up," Fells said.

"Yeah, Berry and Spruce would want us to just get on with it..." Balloon said.

"Spruce?! Youre alive?!"

"Hi Berry. Where's the rest?"

"In that house over there... oh hell, nice weremoogle... ah... this is about the kupo nuts thing isnt it?


"I see one!" Joey cried, throwing a grenade and ducking.

The weremoogles fled. The two soldiers stared at the grenade on Spruce's stomach...

"Phew, got it," Said Joey, as bits of gut rained down.

Then an arm flew in the window.

"Bloody sick animals! That's Spruce's, they dragged him here to taunt us!" Fells said.

"Here, have ALL the grenades!" Joey said, throwing his entire stock.

"I hate my life, Berry..." Spruce said as grenades landed all around...

The sounds of the blasts died down, and the squad looked out the re-boarded windows.

"Isn't it amazing how long those fuses were?" said Balloon.

"Probably that's because you didn't cut them," Cryan said.

"Oh, shut it, Cryan!" said Flegan.

"You know him?" Fells asked.

"I was seconded to his team on his first visit. I'm a biologist, and they needed an expert.

"First visit, eh?" said Fells. "Tie him up Bloop. Us and the Captain are going to have a little chat."

"What are you going to do? Torture?" Cryan said.

"Possibly. I say chat, but mostly I'll be listening on account of you screaming and me heating the irons while Bloop asks questions and miss Flegan tells us which parts would hurt most," the NCO grinned.

"Arse, Balls, Armpits," she said.


"Oh balls... look, I'll sing like a canary if you ask nicely!" Cryan bargained, close to crying.

"Where's the fun in that?!" Said Balloon.

"Hold on! I think I know of a way out of here. There's a horse and cart in the stables out back," Flegan said.

"Assuming it's not dead," Bloop said.

"They're afraid of Horses," Flegan said.

"Right..." Balloon said.

"Trouble is, I'm not good with horses. Can anyone hotwire a horse?" she asked.

"I can," Joey said

"Great. We need a distraction for our chums outside for you to get there though," she said

"Hang on, hotwire a horse?!" Fells said.

"Oh, its simple, Sergeant. What you do to get the horse to do what you want is you take some vinegar, make sure it knows what the vinegar bottle is, and then..." Cryan said.

"No, Cryan I intend to use this shotgun" Joey said.

"After it's been up a horses arse?!" Cryan said.

"Would you prefer it up yours?"

And so, Balloon went out the bedroom window with a flare, as Joe looked at the stables from the other window...

As a side note, a weremoogle had gotten in while they were all upstairs and nicked the Telly. Then it left, closing the door quietly as its mates ran off with the rest of the valuables that weren't silver. These ones were not related to the ones trying to kill the squad, they had in fact came from a nearby weremoogle council estate.

*They don't actually hire STUPID soldiers in the Narshean army (1). Berry doesn't get paid.

1-Shame about the Militias.
Caves of Narshe: Final Fantasy VI
Version 6
©1997–2019 Josh Alvies (Rangers51)

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