Mog Soldiersby Del S
Chapter 3Chapter Three: House in the Hills
Near a road
Balloon leapt towards the road, screaming "On me, lads!"
"Oh gawd no! There's one of ‘em on Balloon!"
"No, Berry, he meant follow him, you berk!"
Balloon continued his plummet onto the road, where he landed unharmed.
"Thank you, Kingdom Heart's engine wot lets you jump from Canary Wharf unscathed," Said Balloon, as the cart rushed onwards...
It stopped suddenly, Balloon breathing a sigh of relief. Then the chocobo pecked him on the head.
"Fecking Ow!" he moaned.
"Get in!" the woman driving the cart yelled at the soldiers. The six were soon in the covered wagon.
"Okay, now all we needs the wheels to get stuck in the mud," Blooper said, when the cart did not move.
"Move, you bloody stupid bird!" The woman yelled.
"... or the chocobo to get interested in the scenery..." He said, as a white-furred, long-clawed arm tore into the canvas beside him.
"SHITE! Is that bloody bird stupid?!" yelled Joe.
The chocobo warked happily.
Balloon stabbed the arm repeatedly, and it withdrew.
"Oi, bollocks, get back here!"
The chocobo noted the creatures for the first time. It started to run... leaving a little present for a creature following. It slipped, to the guffaws of the soldiers.
"I wonder why none of them tried to get it the back..." Berry asked.
"What happened?" Asked the woman.
" We were attacked by big feckin' furry scary bastard shit yer pants howlin' thingies with teeth and claws, that's what!!*" Joe said .
"Hey, where's Spruce?" Asked Berry.
"He's gone..." Sarge moaned.
"Gone where?!" Joey asked.
"Dead gone... aaarghh feck it!" Sarge wailed.
"We need to get the wounded somewhere safe," Blooper said.
"There's a farm about five miles away. I'll take you there, the owners are friends," Said the woman.
"I still want to know what git blew up the bridge back there!" Berry said.
"You did! There was a wolf on it so you threw one of my grenades(1) at it you daft sod!" Joey yelled.
"Whoops. Lucky I didn't throw one of mine, or I'd have blown us all up!
Blooper hopped off, and walked stealthily over to the door...
Berry then clattered over to it and knocked loudly.
There was no response, so both squaddies looked at each other, and opened the door quietly.
Bloop checked downstairs, as Berry snuck upstairs.
"Quiet now, Berry." Bloop had brought Berry as, despite him being a simpleton, unlike Balloon or Joey, Berry would not blow the doors open if they were locked.
Bloop entered the dining room , bow aimed. There was a grandfather clock ticking on one wall, and a fireplace with blood in front of it...
However, it was also the kitchen too, and it emerged the blood was a satin of red ink on the carpet. Bloop checked the next room just in case, and yes, there was nothing eating anyone called Kenneth.
Plates till lay on the table in the dining room/kitchen, and stew still boiled on the hob.
The squad entered, the Sergeant and Captain being sat at the table whilst the other men attacked the plates of food.
"Hey, you can't just help yourself!" said the woman.
"Sorry, miss, but you never miss a chance to eat in our training," Joey explained.
"Besides, we're government agents, and we could legally nick the clock if we had some use for it," Balloon said.
"Here, what is the stew?" Balloon continued.
"Uh... stuff," said Berry.
The squad ate, bar Cryan and Sarge, who sat moaning.
"Where's the nearest town, miss?" asked Blooper.
"Flarshe, about twenty miles away. Narshe itself is a good thirty-five. Why?" she replied.
"Once we've patched Sergeant Fells there up, we'll head for Flarshe," He said.
"Sod patching me up, Bloop, lets just bloody scarper!" Fells said.
"Alright. Balloon, with me. We'll bring the cart up to the door."
The two Narshean soldiers walked out, and Blooper lit a flare. Its glow revealed the gutted chocobo. It also revealed the creatures a dozen feet left and right of the two men.
"Don't stare at them Balloon!" Bloop said
"Can't help it..." Balloon said.
"Okay, feck it, RUN!"
The two dashed for the door, Blooper firing his revolver at the creatures. As he ran, he shot the dead chocobo...
The men slammed the door shut, and leaned on it.
Then the chocobo exploded.
Bloop and Balloon's faces took on a wide-eyed shocked/amused expression.
"What the bloody hell happened there?!" Berry asked.
"I don't have a fecking clue..." Balloon said.
"Well, that plan's gone up in smoke," Joey said.
"And feathers," Berry said.
"Yes, and feathers. Also entrails," Cryan interjected.
A white furred arm came in the door then.
During this commotion, Sarge's bandages were grabbed and tugged by the dog, and Cryan had grabbed a bow, yelling that the dog needed to be shut up.
The men all leaned on the door, slamming it shut, and locked it.
Berry then threw up on Cryan, who was aiming the bow. He stopped aiming it after his bile shower.
"How charming... Bathroom, miss?" Cryan asked.
"Upstairs, you chiselling shitter," she said
"We have a few questions for you, Cryan," Blooper said.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere..." the Captain said.
"What's your name anyway, Miss?" Joey asked
"Flegan. I live about ten miles away, saw the flares, and went out to look and see what was going on."
"Right. Mind helping me get Sergeant Fells up the stairs?" Blooper said.
"What d'you mean?" Sarge asked.
"Up the wooden hill to glue yer guts in, Sarge."
"What with?" Flegan asked.
"Sticky tape and whisky," Bloop said. To the others, he said:
"Board up the windows, and put pots of water on the boil. If anything attacks, yell up."
As they went upstairs, the rest of the squad stood at the door.
"Shouldn't we have let it get its arm out first?" Joey said
"Here, it's the one from earlier! Look at the stab marks!" Berry said.
Balloon walked over.
"Hello, matey. Remember me?" He said, brandish a small hand-cranked drill and a tin opener.
Whilst the hall was filled with yelps, Berry and Joey then started to hammer boards onto the windows.
"Is whisky a smart idea?" Flegan asked, Sarge was now singing a rude song about a cucumber and a hedgehog having drank half a bottle.
"Sooonic the Hedgehog can stick a cucumber up his AAAARGH!" he screamed as Blooper began to stitch the cut closed.
"Yep. Makes anaesthetising him so much easier..."
"How?" she asked
"Its easy. When he's finished the whole bottle, you'll see," Blooper replied
Sarge drained the bottle, and threw it out the window.
"Here, Bloop, Flegan, lets see who punches ‘ardest. You go first, Bloop!" said the drunk NCO.
"See?" Said Bloop, and punched. Sarge fell, then rose back up.
"Thaaargh, You bloody wuss! My Turn! Come ‘ere, Bloop," Sarge then decked Blooper.
Flegan's swing knocked the man out.
"... you were meant to hit me, love," Said Sarge.
She smashed a chair over his head.
"Ooh, 100 points, miss! Good night, Vietnam..."
Bloop stood, rubbing his head, after Flegan awoke him.
"Owch. Lets tape his intestines back in..."
After the impromptu surgery, Blooper went downstairs. Flegan followed.
"What exactly are these things?" he asked her, as they passed Balloon, now inserting cocktail sticks into a pound wince hanging form the door...
"They're Mogarou's," she said.
"Eh?" Berry said.
"Not entirely human, not entirely Moogle."
"Weremoogles? You're joking, right?" Balloon said, as the mince slipped out the door yelping.
"I might be nuts, Miss, but I'm no Kupo. This can't be right," Blooper said.
"Well, listen to the howls," She said.
Five minutes later, none had howled.
She ran over to the door, opened it, and walked out. There was a yelp, and some angry screaming, as well as the sound of fist on nasal cartilage.
"Howl, you bastard! HOWL!"
No response, She grabbed something and twisted
"There, wasn't hard, was it?"
She walked back in, closing the door, as the wailing weremoogle crawled away clutching its groin..
"Holy undead kupo nuts! It's only true! "Berry said.
The men, upon the phrase 'kupo nuts' all recalled how she got it howl, and backed away slowly from Flegan. Bloop then though of a gonad-saving plan.
"Balloon, Joe, Berry, cover the windows!"
"What about Cryan?" Asked Flegan.
"Erm... Use him as bait?" Balloon ventured.
"Tempting but no," Said Bloop.
Just then, Balloon spotted something moving outside, and fired...
*Sadly, there are lots of things that fit this description. Sasquatches, Devil Dogs, Gorillas, Republicans and Gau. Joey should have been more specific.
1-Plot Hole filling in: The Narshean army carry grenades in this fiction, but not in FF6. This is because the Guards in the town itself were Militia, not Army, and therefore, not trained to use grenades. See?