Goblin!by Del S
Chapter 1 (2007)
Chapter 2 (2007)
Chapter 3 (2007)
Chapter 4 (2007)
Chapter 5 (2007)
Chapter 6 (2007)
Chapter 7 (2007)
Chapter 8 (2007)
Chapter 4Chapter 4: Actual Effort.
'Now then, men,' Bromhead said to the two sentries. 'What were the rough numbers of Goblins you saw?'
'Bloody hundreds, sah.'
'Was that a probe, do you think?'
'No, sah, looked more like a lot of Goblins.'
'Okay, thanks for that Private... Orf you go.'
'Captain!' The Warrior protested. 'He told you nothing at all!'
'He told me enough...'
'He didn't tell you solid numbers, force composition, direction of attack, or even if it was an attack force!'
'It's a Horde. You get 9 maximum then the minimum after that is 200.... I know Goblins, old boy.'
'Do you know any prayers to survive not having a clue what's out there?!' the Light Warrior almost screamed.
'I've got a crossbow.'
'Will it be enough?'
'I've also got a hundred of the finest soldiers on the planet.'
'Where are they then?'
'So, what happened, Hooky?'
'For the benefit of those injured and not looking out the windows, as in, you, Jones, the gobbos shot their front rank in the head and then ran away. The Captain is having a debate with a Light Warrior, and the Light Warrior looks annoyed. '
'This is really rather boring, isn't it...'
'It won't be so boring when they set fire to the place, Jones!'
'Someone go fetch more brandy for Sergeant Fourthwall. He's seeing those things he calls future chapters again...'
'Where are they likely to come from next?' Chard asked.
'Well, after that, the goblins will do a spot of arguing, then surge from all angles.'
'If we could control the flow, by having it come one direction, could we bottleneck them?' The Black Belt asked.
'Well, yes, but we'd need some sort of bait. Goblins like bright shiny things.'
'We could try retreating to that narrow pass in the valley a few miles away. The walls of the valley along with the old defences there will funnel the orks towards us, and we can use our superior training there, for the tight confines would render their numbers null and void. So long as we keep an eye on the goat path, we should be safe,' The Warrior suggested.
'No,' Bromhead declared. 'We do not abandon our positions. And anyway, that valley collapsed a week ago.'
'Let me put it this way. Last week Chard had three hundred tonnes of gunpowder. Now he has three.'
'...Why did he blow up a perfect natural defence formation?' The Black Mage asked.
'Because it's in someone else's country, not ours,' Chard responded.
At that moment, The Warrior threw a punch, and Bromhead smashed a vase over his head.
The Goblin Horde, at that moment, decided to come over the hill towards a completely unprepared set of defenders. They were halfway to the walls when Bromhead shouted towards them.
'I say, we're not quite ready yet chaps, no rush 20?'
The Horde halted, and turned around, except for a few that charged forth and were promptly shot.
The Warrior staggered to his feet.
'What happened there?'
'Easy. This,' Bromhead said, and smashed another vase on the warrior's head. He fell, burbling.
After a few moments of running around in circles waving vases at people, Bromhead and Chard soon had defences ready, and just in time, as the whooping goblins approached once more
'Remember! Fire only upon my orders, and if I say fire at will...'
The entire farm was filled with the twang of crossbows being fired.
'...Wait until your target is 100 yards away before you fire when it's not a volley and wait until I say fire at will as a statement of it's own accord and not a fragment of a sentence or speech,' Chard said.
'Because as you'll all note, there is now a small line of arrows a hundred yards from the walls as a result of your premature volley,' Bromhead pointed out.
'Fnar fnar, premature volley.'
The Goblins began pouring down the hills.
'First ranks, take aim... Targets, three hundred yards and closing... Prepare volley fire... First rank, FIRE! Second rank, WAIT FOR THE FIRST RANK TO DUCK, FIRE!' Bromhead ordered. A steady stream of arrows flew over the walls, into the advancing crowds of Goblins, but the casualties were soaked up by the crazed creatures. They were now two hundred yards away and the huge horde seemed unstoppable.
One Hundred and Fifty yards. Still coming strong.
One Hundred yards. Arrows firing along straight lines now. And the goblins...
Tripped over the arrows from before. Within seconds, goblins tripped over other goblins and the bewildered defenders saw hundreds of goblins crushed under the feet of the advancing hordes. And as they kept tripping, stumbling, and being crushed to death, the goblins apparently seemed to realise this had all gone wrong, and ran away.
'What just happened?' The Warrior asked, awakening again to see a pile of hundreds of goblin corpses scattered roughly a hundred yards away.
'I suppose I could properly explain it all, but it gives me more pleasure to do this,' Bromhead responded to the dazed Light Warrior, and smashed a vase on his head.
'Where do you keep finding those?' Chard asked.
'Didn't you know there used to be a pottery on this farm?'
'No, I did not. Learn something new every day...'