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ok, listen to this one:

"The talking lizard is not as gullable as the clawed monkey"

I found this inside of my fortune cookie after a night of chinese food last week. Exactly what does that mean? Does it mean that I should be so talkative and I wouldn't be so gullable? Because if that's what it means, then it's wrong because I'm neither that talkative NOR gullable.

Anyway, after reading this, it inspired this topic... What are some weird fortunes that have come from your fortune cookies over the years?

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"When I turn the page
The corner bends into the perfect dog ear
As if the words knew I'd need them again
But at the time, I didn't see it."

~"This Ain't a Surfin' Movie" - Minus the Bear

I got one that said "In The Mixing BOwl Of Life, Be Sure To Shake Well Before Use."

I never figured that one out.

"You Will Die A Horrible,Horrible Death."

Wow someone was original. Pretty blunt, and ANYONE of my friends could have told you that. I think there's a bet going on about when and how I'm gonna die. Thanks mister fortune cookie!

but my ALLTIME favorite one was

"You Will Travel Very Far, Just Remember, Second Socks Are Hard To Replace. Always travel with more than one pair of underwear."

I got that and pissed my pants laughing. Wow was it ever stupid. SHows you the kind of luck I have.

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Okay, but there was a goat!

Sabin, actually I think it's trying to tell you that someone who uses words is smarter, and less gullible then someone who uses weapons (claws).

I can't think of any in particular that I've had, but among my circle of friends, we like to add the phrase "in bed" to the end of all fortunes. Makes them more interesting ;-)

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

"The Rising Sun Is As Beautiful As The Pale Moon."

And you're telling me...?

"Stupidity does not come out of wrong decisions, but wrong decisions out of wrong decisions."

Okay, in short, don't do anything stupid.

But my favorite one came from one in Europe...

"Why are you reading this? Just eat the cookie and go."

Wow, thanks, that is seriously great advice.

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Nine-hundred ninety-nine billion nine-hundered ninety-nine million nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand nine-hundred ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall...

"There's no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who ask questions."

How true. ^Also compliments from Chris Berman.

All my other ones just sound like horoscopes or common sense. "When an enticing decision comes upon you, try to find a wise man's decision." Yeah...ok. I will.

And I would agree with Elena on that, Sabin. Use wits, not violence.

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The clouds ran away, opened up the sky
And one by one I watched every constellation die
And there I was frozen, standing in my backyard
Face to face, eye to eye, staring at the last star
I should've known, walked all the way home
To find that she wasn't here, I'm still all alone

-Atmosphere "Always Coming Back Home to You"

I never had a fortune cookie . I can't seem to find any places in Norway that got them.

Quote (Elena99 @ 21 Jan. 2003, 23:19)

Sabin, actually I think it's trying to tell you that someone who uses words is smarter, and less gullible then someone who uses weapons (claws).

ah... well. that makes much more sense. thanks for clarifying

i remember once i found a fortune saying "Enjoy the crab rangoon" .... except we never had any. I laughed so hard, i fell back in my chair. It's just one of those things that you had to be there for it to be funny

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"When I turn the page
The corner bends into the perfect dog ear
As if the words knew I'd need them again
But at the time, I didn't see it."

~"This Ain't a Surfin' Movie" - Minus the Bear

I don't eat chinese. It tends to give me very bad, rancid, gas.

say "in bed" after you read a fortune cookie. its always fun to do and it works in just about any context. everyone should do this. everyone should send me a dollar.

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You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun, a newborn in the light
Say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death
Hello to eternity and live for every breath

Your time will come...

"You will buy new clothes today."

When I read it, it struck me as one of the most simplistic and yet asinine fortune cookie fortunes I'd ever read.  I made it a point not to buy any new clothes that day, if only to spite the person who wrote it.  

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"I always have a quotation for everything - it saves original thinking."
~Dorothy L. Sayers

"The truly remarkable thing about television is that it allows several million people to laugh at the same joke and still feel lonely."
~T.S. Eliot

"Defeat is not defeat unless accepted as reality - in your own mind!"
~ Bruce Lee

Quote (therandyrhoads @ 22 Jan. 2003, 18:28)

say "in bed" after you read a fortune cookie. its always fun to do and it works in just about any context. everyone should do this. everyone should send me a dollar.

dude my friend say the same thing, it also works with
'With a shotgun".

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Why do kamakazi pilots wear helmets?

"ALAS! the onion you are eating is someone else's waterlilly!"

????

The most funny part of this fortune was the "ALAS!" at the begining.(ALAS!)

"ALAS! the onion you are eating is someone else's water lilly in bed!" makes even less sense with a shotgun.

Mine was kinda wierd:

"Behind every great man stands a great"

I think they just forgot to add the last word, but who knows?

Wow, I can't believe you all remember your fortune cookie messages.  I am personally opposed to fortune cookies in principle, but I did save a wonderful little poem written on the back of a chopsticks packet.

"Two little sticks / They're made out of wood / And they help you/ To pick up your lunch/ Your lunch/ And if you practice/ Then you'd get good/ And you'll find you can pick up/ A bunch to munch/ Eat noodles with chopsticks/ Eat dumplings with chopsticks/ Eat sushi with chopsticks/ That's fish!/ Don't eat soup with your chopsitcks/ That's no good with chopsticks/ And jello will slide right off / Your dish/ I eat with chopsticks/ Can you eat with chopsticks/ Doctor told us/ Be intell by using chopsticks/ Lots of people use chopsticks/ So try eat your chopsticks/ Right Now"

It's part avant-garde poetry, part facist propaganda, and partly on crack cocaine.

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"Turd-cookies!...they're hot and soft, though..."

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead, Are heaped for the beloved's bed; And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone, Love itself shall slumber on.  - Percy Bysshe Shelley

I can't remember many  of mine but one.It's not weird or odd.Just plain and simple,I understand what it means.

"There is no rose with out thorns"

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Things have not changed
You have changed

Henery David Thoreau

Quote (Spoony Bard @ 23 Jan. 2003, 22:00)

"Behind every great man stands a great"

Simple. Just look at the sentence. What's the word behind man? In order for a man to be a great man, wouldn't he have to have "great" behind him?

Rather stupid though.

Quote

There is no rose without thorns.

Another simple one. Every seemingly attractive person or object, has a bad side. Just because it looks good on the outside, doesn't mean it's that way on the inside.



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The clouds ran away, opened up the sky
And one by one I watched every constellation die
And there I was frozen, standing in my backyard
Face to face, eye to eye, staring at the last star
I should've known, walked all the way home
To find that she wasn't here, I'm still all alone

-Atmosphere "Always Coming Back Home to You"