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Warning: Little to no plot and realy awful jokes. Same as usual then.


[Insert suitably relevant and possibly spine chilling title here].
(Like Twin Peaks meets Rambo, and they both get freaked out and go home so we make something up)

The woods were dark and misty. This was clearly because there was no light, and the mist could probably be explained by... I don't know.
There are screams, anguished screams. They are probably a bit like the ones you are making as you howl at the flagrant semi-breaches of the fourth wall occurring here, a sure indication of more in the future.
A man walks through the forest, screaming the screams. He clutches his head, he bleeds from his nose, eyes, mouth, ears and other orifices that probably cannot be mentioned if we are to get a fifteen or twelve-a rating for the movie version.
He screams as he loses his mind, but he remembers each part for one last time as it goes away...

***
They ran.

The things were behind them. They turned, firing ineffectively again. One of the four stumbled, and the others just kept going. His anguished screams echoed briefly, but he had bought the rest of them time.

They just ran, not thinking as such, the images of their dead comrades , and imagining themselves like that too, was all that was on their minds. One foolishly turned, and saw the head of the dead man disappearing...

It drove him half insane. The song on the radio in hospital did the rest.

***

He stood there, smoking rifle in his hand, smiling, as the last echoes of the gunfire faded from the cave wall, and the other mans ears rang
'I can hurt them, John! I can hurt them now!'
John tried to tell him what was wrong with that, but then the creature proved it. They could still hurt him. Another pounced, the rifle flew away and faded away. The man screamed as parts of him faded, and the creature tore his head off.

John had ran further into the cave, fleeing for his life, passing by and through the three other soldiers...

***
He ran.

The things were behind him. He didn't turn.

He just ran, not thinking as such, the images of his dead comrades back, not imaging himself like that.

It drove him half sane. He then recalled the song. He went totally insane again.

***

'No. I can't go,' he said.
'Why not?'
'It's on.'
'What is, John?'
'It,' he said, pointing. The man at the door rolled his eyes, walked to the car, opened the glove box, pulled out his pistol as the man in the car looked at him confusedly, and shot the radio three times.
'It's off now!'
'MY BLOODY RADIO!' the man in the car screamed
'Zack, we're going there anyway, why the hell do you want the radio intact? You can't take it with you!'
'And if we don't suceeed?'
'I can go now, on one condition,' John interrupted.
'What?'
'We have dialogues that make more sense in future. I don't have a bloody clue what's meant to be going on here and that’s not suspenseful, it's just crap.'
'We're going to atone for our mistakes, rejoin the unit,' the radio killer said.
'That was almost just as bad but okay, I'll come anyway.'

***

Three men, the only survivors of the incident, driving back to where it happened. PFC Kelly Video, the man who had shot the radio, Sergeant Zack Caparzo, and John. John had forgotten his rank, forgotten much, but it was coming back in the day, like it had came back in his dreams.

They stopped at a motel. He awoke, screaming. The motel owner was playing it on the stereo.

***

They walked out into the woods, this was it. It had happened here, and they'd rejoin their comrades tonight, hopefully. Only John did not really want to go, but he had nothing else. And it would call him every night. Plus, he might have to live with pretentious and vague narration like this for the rest of his life if he didn't do it.

They didn't bother with a watch. They knew it was coming anyway.

At midnight, it happened, The creature ran forth from the woods, roaring a guttural cry of anger. It grabbed the first man it reached, and then suddenly halted.
'Ah. Excuse me chaps, but I think I may have made a mistake here. Have you seen a bunch of stupid teenagers with a camera?'
'Other side of the forest.'
'Ah, thanks. What are you here for?'
'Them.'
'...what?'
'You know, them.'
'Oh, the devil bears. Gotcha. Um, why?'
Billy explained, ,Zack tried to gnaw his foot off for no reason and John simply tried to get back to sleep . The song haunted him...
And so did the fact the narration was still terrible.

***

At last, the right things came. Billy simply stood, arms outstretched, as the glittering lights neared. They tore him apart, and then they attacked Zack . John had ran already.
'Oi! That wasn't part of the DEEEAAAAAA, IT DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY!' Zack screamed after him.
John ran. The song started playing in his head. He screamed...

The soldiers literally walked out of the trees, firing their rifles, and he ran with them. He was too insane now to even care that he was now marching with dead comrades.

He reached the cave.

***

Due to intensive character criticism of the original narrator he has left and taken the first part of the story with him, preventing us from allowing you to re-see it here. However, you can still go up to the top and read it again, but we advise you only do that once as you might get stuck.

***

He kept running, and the sun rose. The creatures faded.
The sun swore, realising it had got up too early, and went back to bed.

Then it began. Loud as the roar of the gates of hell, in the back of his mind. He screamed... The hair grew on his chest and arms, slowly and painfully. He kept screaming, as he wandered towards the town.

He screamed one last time.
'WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....M C A!'

***

He neared the town, his transformation complete. The blood had conveniently gone, another thing to clock up on the 'incorrectly regarded as goofs' section on IMDB when we make a movie version

He walked, and a young girl saw him, and screamed. A man came out from a house, aiming a shotgun, and horrified at seeing the new figure, wearing a leather vest and leather trousers. He growled in anger. The guy with the shotgun that is.
'Goddamn it, not again!'
He shot what had once been John in a way that, for a totally natural creature, would have shot it dead, but the new creature, not natural at all as far as most of the townspeople were concerned, stood back up, and fled into the forest.
'At least it wasn't the goddamned Indian again,' the man said.
A sheriff arrived, not because he had heard a gunshot after a scream, but because he had not heard any more gunshots. This was Texas after all.
'We got another one, sheriff, another damn monster!'
'Damn, one more and that's it... Was it the biker or the cop?'
'The biker!'
The little town (they dared not call themselves a village any more) had to prepare, for someday, their forests would be haunted by the whole set of camp, leather-clad freaks.
And that is why the south is so homophobic. They aren't lying when they say the village people are the devil...



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"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

LOLOLOLOL!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXD How do you come up with this stuff?

Darnit, you had me laughing so hard I nearly spelled "stuff" wrong!

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"No matter what happens, I will always be with you... forever." ---- Pocahontas, Pocahontas

"Only those who are already at the top are rewarded without trying."----- Delita Hyral, Final Fantasy Tactics

http://www.ffshrine.org/fft/fft-midi/1-42-back_fire01.mid ---- My favorite FFT battle song

Very random. I like, I like!

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I'm a general, not some opera floozy!

*insert humourous observation here*