Track this topic | Email this topic | Print this topic

Desert Blooms

A Final Fantasy Tactics Fanfiction by Myst Knight

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy Tactics is owned by Square Soft. I write this without consent, and am making no money off of it.

Key:

( ) Thoughts
[ ] Sound Effects

This story is rated R for intense violence, adult themes, and some ecchi scenes.

WARNING FOR FLAMERS AND/OR THE SENSITIVE: This story pairs up Ramza and Alma Beoulve in a romantic way. If the thought of sibling intimacy is intolerable, it is best you leave now for both of our sakes. (though true, constructive critisism is gladly accepted) Bear in mind that I'm certainly not suggesting that you try any of this home. While the situation in this story is sweet and consenting, real incest is more than likely going to turn out to be an unnecessary disaster.

Apologies in advance to anyone who feels their religion was somehow insulted; it was not my intent. Now, on with the show!

(Story removed. I decided that, if I even post this story again, I'd like to do it an adults-only arena. I probably need to rethink what this story means to me, but for now, I'll clean up my act a bit)

This post has been edited by Myst Knight on 21st July 2007 16:01

I liked the battle scene in the desert, until you started making baseball references for Agrias and her attacks.

--------------------

Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill them.

~Pacifist Badge, 1978

Well, to be blunt, for an "R Rated" fic, it doesn't sound like it's going to get more violent or more mature.

Putting "Sound effects" into a fic in the manner you have feels iffy to me. At best, you could possibly say "A sound like 'bzzzt' " or "a buzzing electrical screech" in the place you employed the square brackets. Even screams and howls such as the "Gwaah!" and "WoooOOO" could be better described simply as "He screamed in range" and the "woo" should probably be dropped.

However, it's at least well written in terms of spelling and grammar. I do feel however you may be regarding the entire incest thing as too important and hope you do more that just that sort of thing.

--------------------

"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

Okay, so my first question would be: where's the incest? I mean seriously, there's nothing there that'd even suggest an affair between the two without mightily stretching everything.

Second, as Del said, you could be more descriptive about the sounds - the "Bzat" or whatever it was just broke the atmosphere of the entire happening completely (right after baseball references for Agrias XD ).

I see nothing to R-rate it, and beside those minor flaws it is well written, although bordering on pretentious at times, and I'll probably read more if more comes.

--------------------

"I fell off the mountain of words at around the 10,000ft mark. Tell my family...they owe me money." -Narratorway

"If you retort against this, so help me God I'll shove any part of your anatomy I can find into some other part. Figuratively, of course." - Josh

"We have more, can deliver tuesday." - Del S

Good old CoN

(Story removed. See first post)

This post has been edited by Myst Knight on 21st July 2007 16:00

Well, R may be equivelant to 15, but this fic can only get a 15 if it were a movie, IMO, if Mary Whitehouse were to come back to life and haunt us all.

Overall, though, whilst this fiction is not my bag, it is well written. I personally fail to see anything objectionable in the fic, and so, it's not bad. Again, it's not the sort of fiction I personally enjoy, since it deals with a subject matter I have no intrest in, and a game I have not ever played. All it would need that I can see to fix, is what was mentioned previously. You could always just leave it as it is, but personally, I feel that rather detracts from it.



--------------------

"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

Frankly? I think this is wildly out of character -- on Mustadio's part. Don't get me wrong: I don't think any story should be dismissed automatically for controversial content. Nor do I think this particular fic should be dismissed for portraying Ramza/Alma in a sweet and mushy fashion, when I believe it would almost certainly be dysfunctional and angsty.

But to try to convince me that Mustadio would not only not react with horror and disgust on realizing Ramza and Alma's new relationship, but would in fact cheer them on enthusiastically? That requires a suspension of disbelief that I can't muster.

If you're going to write about a topic as societally taboo as incest, you can't put blinders on your fic and pretend it takes place in a world where none of that matters. In my opinion, you're already stretching it by ignoring that it's most often emotionally unbalanced, manipulative, and/or a product of a damaged upbringing; by presenting all the FFT world's characters as eager and accepting of it, you've wandered into the realm of the unbelievable and eyeroll-worthy. Which seriously lowers the quality of a fic, in my eyes.

To see how societally sensitive topics can be done well, even romantically (to the point of unnervation on the reader's part), see Nabokov's "Lolita." As it stands, I can't say I would call this a good story. Sorry.

EDIT: Reading over some of your other posts, and replies to them, Myst, I found something I wanted to add, to make my position more clear. Someone compared Delita/Ramza to Ramza/Alma and said there was no evidence for either in the game. I mean, sure, yeah -- if you're talking about what I believe Square intended, which is how I most often write/prefer my fics, I would agree. But in fanfiction? I disagree -- I think there's fodder for both in the game. And though I admittedly find the idea of sibling incest distasteful (might as well be upfront about it) and homosexual relationships... not distasteful, I would be just as disappointed in a fanfic that portrayed Ramza/Delita in a happy Disneyland ecchi light.

Both Alma and Delita already have complicated platonic relationships with Ramza; if sexual feelings were added into the equation, especially in the repressed and pseudo-Catholic-ruled country of Ivalice, a carefree romance would be impossible. Even if the two people in question were so ga-ga over each other that a doubtful or guilty thought never crossed their minds, the people around them would never be so cavalier. At least, not in a fanfic that I would consider serious, interesting, and meant for a general and non-niche archive like CoN. Do you know what I mean?

This post has been edited by L. Cully on 29th July 2006 03:21

--------------------

Some ghost of me might greet my son
the day he is delivered.


Eternal Sleep, Track 1-1: The Blue Planet