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I am going to put in some FFVI fanfic into this topic next week. It will Take place after Kefka is defeated. 4 years later. More next week.

I'm closing this topic until you actually have something to show. Please read the stickied topics at the top of the Site Submissions forum if you are not sure why.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

Alright here is chapter 1:

Chapter I:
Edgar woke up one day and decided that in two days he would start the expidition. He went outside and went to South Figaro to check on the Submarine. It was with 4 smaller subs. He asked the man near the dock if it was to be ready in two days. He replied, “Yes, it will be ready”. Edgar left South Figaro and went back to his Castle when he saw the Falcon Setzer landed the ship and said that there was going to be a meeting at Thamasa.

Edgar jumped on the ship and went to Thamasa. When they arrived they walked into a room and everyone was there. “Edgar, we must decide who is to stay, and who is to go.” Said Terra. Edgar said that Sabin was going. Sabin Jumped in the air with excitement. Then he said that Terra, Mog, and Gogo were going as well. Then Setzer, Shadow, and Relm came as well. When it was the day to start the expedition, a man warned Edgar about a dimensional rip. Edgar ignored it and entered the submarine.

About 4 minutes later everyone but Edgar split up, then he noticed Relm and she asked Edgar if she could hang with her. Edgar agreed to that and they started walking into the kitchen. Relm said “Can I have a snack?” the chef said “Wait until 1500 hours, I mean 3:00.” “You expect me to wait 3 hours! I can’t believe this crap!” said Relm “Young lady, watch your language!” said the Chef. “I’m 15! Geez!” said Relm. Relm left the kitchen to bump into Terra. “Hey Relm I got the key to our room, come on!” said Terra.

Relm followed Terra to the room, “I call the top bunk!” said Relm. She jumped onto the top bunk and threw her stuff onto bed and left the room. Edgar went to his room to see that Sabin had already claimed the top bunk. “That is unfair I should Have the top bunk!” said Edgar “Oh well, it doesn’t matter”. A few hours later the P.A. said that everyone must go to the kitchen for dinner. “Dinner Already?” said Relm.

Relm made a mad dash for the kitchen. She grabbed her plate and start grabbing food and ate. Then Edgar said there was going to be a meeting and that him, Terra, Sabin, Relm, Gogo, Mog, Shadow, and Setzer had to go to the meeting room. They went to the meeting room and the meeting had begun.


“Okay, guys I know there has been a rumor that there is a dimensional rip near the coast of where Narshe is, we will reach the area in two days, any questions?” said Edgar. “Uh yes, what will we be doing?” said Relm. “We will probably try to go thru it, Kupo.” Said Mog. “What do you mean?” said Setzer. “I mean that we will see where it takes us.” Said Edgar. “Works for me.” Said Terra. “This meeting is over.” Said Edgar.

The next day Edgar realized it would take only four hours to get there. “Full speed ahead!” said Edgar. When they got close to the area the sub started to flood. “Uh, Terra my sock is wet!” said Relm “I think it is flooding.” Terra looked down and saw a little bit of water on her boots. “You are right, I know of an 8-person escape sub, we will get on it lets hurry!” They dash out of the room and found Sabin and he followed them to find Mog.

Then they found Gogo and Setzer. Then they saw Edgar and Shadow, and they got into the sub. Then they started speeding away and they got caught in the dimensional rip and were transported to…

To be continued.

Hmm... not too shabby. It doesn't exactly flow in some parts, and the details get a little choppy. Good so far, but it's also in need of some grammatical errors, like this one:

Quote

About 4 minutes later everyone but Edgar split up, then he noticed Relm and she asked Edgar if she could hang with her. Edgar agreed to that and they started walking into the kitchen.

Umm.... her? Up to this point, I believed Edgar to be a 'him', as opposed to a 'her'.

Where were they transported too..? Keep it up.

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Wow. 1,000 posts.

I miss you all now that I'm in boarding school! ;_;

Quote (Figaro @ 21st March 2004 22:44)

Umm.... her? Up to this point, I believed Edgar to be a 'him', as opposed to a 'her'.

Where were they transported too..?  Keep it up.

When I meant her, I meant Relm. Edgar decided to hang with Relm because she was a bit lonely and they were transported to

Possible spoilers: highlight to view

FFIX's world, I forgot what it was called but I kind of like the idea to see characters from different FF's to meet each other kinda like in Kingdom Hearts.

.

Oh and here is Chapter II:

Chapter II:

Edgar woke up on a grassy place with everyone else, he saw a large castle like structure and we woke everyone up. Then they walked to the castle to see tons of airships flying around. They were unsure what year it was. Edgar realized that Relm was unconscious and he picked her up and ran to the castle. When he got there two guards appeared. “What happened to her?” said one guard. “She is unconscious, when I woke up I found my friend lying unconscious.” Said Edgar.

Edgar and the group followed the guards to a transport to the main castle. When they arrived at the castle an airship was being unloaded to docking bay. Then Relm woke up and asked where she was, the guard said the place was Lindblum Castle. Then they met Cid, the king he said he was going to test a new airship and said that he was going to Alexandria. Edgar noticed that a man with a tail and a girl with a horn in her head were walking with Cid.

When they got onto the airship Edgar asked who they were, Cid said that the girl was his daughter and the man was a close friend. Edgar walked over to the man and asked what his name was. He said that his name was Zidane. Then Relm walked over to the girl and asked for her name, her name was Eiko. Then they went into a room and started talking. After about 6 minutes they arrived at Alexandria.

When they got to the castle they saw a knight running around in circles and was going crazy. Cid, Edgar, Zidane, Eiko, Relm, and the rest of them walked over to him and asked what was the matter. He said that something has happened to the queen. Then he said his name was Stiener and then a woman appeared and her name was Beatrix. They walked into the throne room to find the queen DEAD!

She had blood all over her body and blood has everywhere. Cid decided that they should re-unite the group (FFIX). Then Quina ran out saying that he wanted to come. Then Setzer and Shadow decided to stay at Alexandria. Then everyone got on the airship. They got on the airship and started flying to Black Mage Village to find Vivi. “How long will it take to reach the Village?” Terra asked.

Cid replied, “We will get there in the morning it will take a few hours, how about you take a rest?” “Sure.” Said Terra and she walked into a cabin and collapsed. The next morning they arrived at the Black Mage village and they asked for Vivi. One of the Black Mages said that he was looking at a glowing thing near the shed where Bobby Corwen (The baby Chocobo the two Mages were caring for). Terra, Edgar, Mog, Zidane, Eiko, and Stiener walked to the area and Vivi was examining what looked like another dimensional rip.

Eiko walked over to Vivi and asked what it was. He replied, “A dimensional rip, I think.” “We could try to go thru It.” Said Eiko. She started playing with it and she disappeared with Vivi. Then Terra, Edgar, Zidane, Mog, and Steiner flowed them into it. Unsure of where he was, Vivi looked around to see nothing but a desert and then he saw the rest of the crew that went thru the dimensional rip.

To be continued…


This post has been edited by GamblingCat on 22nd March 2004 20:51

Here is (Finally) Chapter III, it was being modified so that is the cause of the delay:

Chapter III:

After about 10 minutes they saw a man in a Chocobo-drawn cart. Then the man driving the cart started talking to Vivi. Vivi asked, “What is in there?” The man replied “ A clan of Gladiators, 4 to be exact.” “Where am I, and where is the nearest town?” He replied, “Why you are in Eluut Sands and the nearest Town is Cadoan, home of Ezel Berbier, the master of law and antilaws cards.” “Also does your crew need a lift, I can take you to Cadoan.” Vivi said, “Yes.”

When they arrived in Cadoan they stopped by the pub to see a group of Bangaas at the counter. “Dang that is one big lizard!” said Relm “Lizard, Llizzard, don’t yyou call me a llizard!” said the Bangaa, then his group of dragoons pushed Relm outside and started to pick a fight with her then Edgar, Terra, and Steiner walked outside of the pub to help out Relm. Steiner pulled out his Ragnarok and chopped a Bangaas spear in half. “My Partisan, You owe my 10000 Gil!” said the Bangaa. Then the rest of the Bangaas ran away. Then a Moogle walked into the area “Hey not bad you should start up a clan.” Said the Moogle. “Clan???” said Vivi. “Yes a clan, oh I am sorry I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Kupo.” Said Kupo.
“Interesting name,” said Edgar.

“We could start a clan.” Said Relm. “Lets tell Zidane and Eiko, she doesn’t know.” “I don’t think she is with us.” Said Edgar. “ Oh wait they are in the Pub still.” They walked into the pub to find the place a total mess. The bartender said that everyone was either killed or captured and the gang left the place like this. Kupo appeared and they forged an alliance with him. “Oh where are you from?” said Kupo.

“I don’t think it is best that we say that.” Said Edgar. “Kay.” Said Kupo. They walked to a booth in the pub and started discussing on a clan name.
“How about pointless.” Said Relm. “Na, that is stupid.” Said Edgar. “Oblivion, it just sounds cool.” “I agree.” Said everyone else. “From now on we shall be known as clan Oblivion!!” said Kupo. They talked to the bartender about any missions.

“There is on, at Roda Volcano, about a weather change problem.” Said the bartender. Three days later they arrived at Roda Volcano. A Templar, White Mage, Gladiator, and two Paladins guarded the area. Clan Oblivion decided to engage with them. Terra pulled out her Excalibur and chopped off a Gladiators head. The Templar ran away. Then a Judge blew his whistle and sent Terra to Prison in Sphrom, home of the Bangaas.

“What the He--!” said Relm. Then she painted the judge. “Ha! Ha!” said Relm. Edgar Pulled out his chainsaw and killed the white Mage. After the engagement Vivi, Edgar, Mog, Steiner, and Relm freed Terra from prison and they found a D. Rip and they went back to FFIX’s world. They were back in Black Mage Village and everyone was petrified.

To be continued…

I'll post chapter IV by the end of the month, er week do to a new fanfic set in the Final Fantasy Tactics Advance World.

[B]Edit: I found a few errors in the chapter, so I will fix them ASAP, sorry

This post has been edited by GamblingCat on 20th April 2004 22:07

While your spelling and grammar skills aren't all that bad, the writing style seems very dry.

"Edgar told a bad joke. Relm jumped up and down like a little girl. Sabin walked in, and he sat down. "Hello," he said."

It's very rough, and dry, and needs to be filled out. I'd think of this more of an early draft than a finished work.

Also, the dimensional rip seems to be really randomly thrown in. I recommend some more explanation, leading up to actually going there. Think more about what this means. What caused the rip? How long has it been open? What is it doing to the land around it? Is it in the sky, on the ground, over the ocean? How do they know it's a dimensional rip?

Another piece of advice; I noticed that you start most of your sentences with either the character's name, then or when. Try to think of more creative ways, it'll help with your writing style. Also, in writing, it looks better for a number to be written out (four instead of 4, ten instead of 10) unless it's a fraction (4.23).

Edit:

Figaro meant to focus on the SHE in "if she could hang with her" I believe. :-) She should be he.

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 20th April 2004 23:22

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

I am new to writing fanfics Elena, but I don't think I am ready to do it but to answer the question about the D. Rip, it was created by Kefka himself, he created it a few months after he had turn the WoB into the WoR. He set it up as an escape in case if he should be killed, but it was unsuccesful, and somehow Edgar finds it in the expiditon.

[B]I am closing the topic do to that I ran out of ideas, I am not putting in any new fanfic, I don't think I am ready for it yet, sorry.

This post has been edited by GamblingCat on 19th May 2004 22:18