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Chunky Pete

It was somewhere around the point when the dismembered hand bounced off his helmet that Charlie considered that maybe becoming a soldier for the Empire wasn't the best professional career choice he'd made in his life. Then he noticed that most of his platoon had been vaporized and the perticular meat hook that bonked his noggin just happened to belong to his now former captain. He looked down at it and smiled. The fist was closed tight, save for the middle finger stretched out as far it could. Ah the captain. There was a fellow who deserved a raise...cept he was dead. Okay, a decent burial. Yeah, that'd work.

Charlie looked up and turned around behing him. The flying dragon was now flying over the upper side of Vector, near The Fortress. It had made a first pass over the second line trenches and suddenly Charlie heard some faint annoying voice sounding rather a lot like the captain telling someone to 'steady...play...with fire!' and suddenly every guy with a gun was shooting at the friggin lizard! Even with the bulging wad of cotton he'd placed in his ears, the sounds were really giving him a headache. Pissed off already with a pounding forehead, he'd had enough and stood up to address all these friggin pricks who were shooting their army issued hand cannons like they were their personal equivalents. That was when an errant magitek laser zimmed right over his head, close enough to split his helmet in two (and he'd just polished it the day before dammit!). Just as things couldn't possibly get any worse, the dragon returned. Charlie looked up and saw the wild beast plummet from the sky directly at him! The nerve! Honestly, what the hell had he ever done to it? Then he noticed the nostrils flare...literally. Fire danced from the olfactory nerves and the lips of the beast quivered in a peculiar manner, and then it made a sound, a very familiar sound. A low nasal rumbling, that Charlie remembered from his youth, when the kids would launch their...oh shit!

"INCOMING!!!"

The dragon open it's maw and with a jerk let loose the largest flaming lugea 'ol Chuck had ever seen. Later he would realize that he'd never actually seen another flaming lugea before, so even if it were the size of a pea, it'd still be the largest flaming lugea he'd ever seen before. This mattered little to him at the time as he tore ass down the length of the trench, screaming like a little girl and snatching a helmet off of a fellow soldier. And then a hand slapped him upside the head, without an arm to back it up, and Charlie watched the dragon lay waste (snicker) to his home town of Vector.

He slowly took of his helmet, scratched his head, removed the cotton from his ears and pissed his pants. Oh yeah, someone upstairs was telling him it was time for a career change, and lord willing, it wasn't that big white whale that just flew over his head...

This post has been edited by Narratorway on 12th February 2004 05:58

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This's a pretty interesting little piece.

Grammar and spelling's kinda messed up in some places, but hey, it's nothin' major. It's funny, quick, smooth...promising. Certainly worthy of continuation, if you want to.

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

Heh heh heh. That's kind of interesting in a way. It reminds me of a not-too-far-away military future, the dragon excluded. As Zephir said, it has some grammar errors, but those can be fixed. You do a great job at making the reader feel comfortable with your use of common conversational terms. Continue on!

Looking back, Charlie realized that the writing was prolly on the wall back when he was recruited (i.e. booted) into the Magitek Special Forces 3rd devision, affectionally known at the Metalheads and not so affectionally (and far more commonly known) as the Crunchmonkeys. Presently, being transfered to the MSF is a true honor reserved for only the best of the best. Chances are that was cause all the bugs got worked out on the unfortunate 'volunteers' such as Charlie.

God knows that even without the constant threat of a slow and decidely painful death due to poor hydraulics or incorrect mage transfers, the damb things were just bloody uncomfortable. The old designs were rediculously unfair to the pilot. Lil more than an iron saddle welded to the heads of the metal beasts (hense the term Metalheads). They even had those nasty lil bumps that stood at the head of the sadle like a big balled fist just waiting for the opportunity to pummel one's specials friends into becoming innies instead of outies (hence the term Crunchmonkeys), and it had plenty of chances. Those stupid screaming metal lizards had the gate of a heavily innebriated uncle at a wedding party. If any other animal walked like those things, they'd be shot for fear of disease. His dad could walk better and he'd lost both his legs in the War! And so it was that these scared pissless lil rookies were sent to be eating by these lolling, dumb, unstable, drunken creations of the Great New World Order. Thpt. Straddling a drunk was womans work anyway...

Eventually a nasty incident involving a catapult, pillow and a chicken with one eye got Charlie booted out of the MPF and almost outta the corp. Paperwork and timing saved his butt just in time to kick it again. He was on the verge of a dishonorable discharge when a state of emergency was suddenly declared and everyone started grabbing weapons, guns, and helmets. As much as Charlie was content to stay in his barracks and recieve his military pink slip, the captain with the itchy middle finger pointed another one at him and ordered him to suit up and get to the trenches. Seeing as the fellow had a large gun in his hand and larger vein pumping along his neck, Charlie was inclined to follow along. Charlie would miss the captain. He was guy you could respect. He had tenacity and courage. And his veined pumped to a beat you could really dance to.

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Well he came, he saw, he screamed, he ran, he pissed his pants and he got bitch smacked by a dismembered hand. Hell, if Charlie had any dignity he'd be in real dire straight at the moment. As it was, he was half mile from the crater that once was Vector and heading for the port of Albrook, which was some twenty odd miles away. Was he without food and supplies? Yup. Did he have any weapons with which to defend hisself. Nope. Had he considered going back to get such items. Sho nuff. And would he? Hell no! In Charlies eyes it was a choice between certain death and even more certain death, but one would take longer to get to than the other and he was all for postponing till the last minute. 'sides, most of the shit he'd been dealing with today was flying up in the air. If he could get to the south patch a forest near the mountains, he might be better off.

And so he trudged over the fields of the Vector Valley. Yes, it was called that. Shut up. Anyway, Charlie, now absolutely winded from his half mile half jog, was taking in deep gasps which eventually became deep pants which in turn became deep breaths that soon mutated into something that made Charlie realize that the air around here smelled a lot better than Vector. Considering that Vector was being flamb'eed, that was understandable, yet still Charlie couldn't help but realize that his hometown was one really stinky pit, even when not under an even burn. Oh well, it was technoligically advanced at least. Now you could dump in your own home instead of having to go to an out house where you wouldn't have to smell it. Yeah...

Progress blows.

Charlie kicked the ground in frustration. Everything was so friggin hard! All he'd ever wanted was to live on his own, have lots of money and be famous. Well, scratch that famous part. He was rather well known as it was, but in a very unappreciative this-is-all-your-fault or do-you-know-how-much-this-gonna-cost-to-replace or get-away-from-me-or-I'm-gonna-scream sorta way. Yeah...fame would prolly turn out to be not all it's cracked up to be. Course, maybe he could be feared like The Generals. Then again, that would just muck things up further. If he wanted somebody to get something, chances are they'd run away instead and he'd be left having to get it himself. No, stick to just living alone and the money. Especially the money. Show me the money. Yeah...show me the money! What'd I say, I say show me the MON--

With a nice, curt 'thud', Charlie bashed his head into a tree. Man, talk about rude awakenings, how long had he been day dreaming? He looked around to find that he was in the forest he'd been heading for. Deep in it too from the looks. Well that was a nice suprise. That would've been a five mile walk at the least if he remember his maps right. Good thing he'd found a way to make the time go by. But now he was lost, which wasn't so good. Still, he could always climb a tree to get his bearings. No wait, he was afraid of heights. Well what about his compass and map...that he'd left back in Vector. Well...they're overrated, and he didn't want to go north anyway. So instead he headed toward the source of the smoke he'd noticed up in the sky. It didn't occur to him till much later that the smoke may have been coming from Vector, but luckily for him, it was not.

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And so it was that Chuck came upon a hidden chocobo stable. It had only just been completed apparently, as the earth was dug up all over the place and the wood was unpainted, and there were spare boards littering the ground, and a sign said 'GRAND OPENING IN TWO WEEKS'. This gave Charlie pause for thought. It seemed rather odd for a chocobo stable to announce a "grand" opening in the middle of a forest no one ever visited. He'd found his way here by pure dumb luck, the purest and the dumbest one can get in fact. There were no noticable paths to the spot and aside from big ass sign and the large, fenced in field behind the building filled with squabbling chocobos, there really wasn't much to suspect it was nothing more than a forest cottage. It all smacked of suspicion as far as Charlie was concerned, but he didn't care cause it also smacked of the possibity of food. Rubbing his tummy, Charlie headed for the entrance.

It was not much more than ten yards away but it was guarded heavily by construction debri which halted Charlie every misstep of the way. A thirty second long activity ended up taking four minutes. He better get some flaming food from all this...

He knocked on the door twice, once with his palm as he tried to stop his fall and once with his head as the palm failed him. This was not a day, it was an endurance test, and he didn't like it. He heard, rather than saw the door open and not wanting to be impolite, groaned out a 'hello' while his face was flat in the dirt. Frankly, he was now content to just lay there. Chances are he'd be a lot better off.

"Oh dear! Are you all right?" It was the most impossibly beautiful voice Charlie had ever heard of. It made him gasp out loud, which cause a flurry of dust to charge into his face and down his throat. He began to cough uncontrollably as he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. Slowly and still while hacking up a storm, Charlie got himself onto his feet. His eye now watered from all the dust and he couldn't make out the figure of the person in front of him at all.

"I tha-*hank*...ahem: you kind lady." Charlie started and felt himself turn red. I thank you kind lady? Since when did he ever talk like some prissy rich dude? God he wish his eyes would clear...

"Oh sir, are you all right? You're tears..." Jeez that voice was rediculous. It was just so dambed angelic. Charlie swiped at the air in front of him while trying to supress another cough.

"Oh it's just *haahf*...damb... I say it's just the dust. I'm kinda allergic to dirt." Alergic to dirt...oh that was fan-flaming-tastic. Quote of the week stuph there Chuck. He shook his head in mix frustration and dismay. He hoped the person he was talking to was ugly...or even a man. It would take the edge of this embarrassing conversation. His eyes began to clear, but he'd had enough. Shutting them tight and wiping vigorously, he pushed away all the offending particles and viewed the person in front of him.

Turned out the one person (who looked rather...uh...what's the word...fat), was actually two people. On the left was a portly old woman who was smiling that old woman smile that could mean pretty much anything from hiding a keen intelligence to being senile. On the right was a young woman holding the old ladies hand. Charlie stared at her trying to remember what word it was that described girls like her. He knew there was a word, a common one two and it was used often enough, but it was escaping him at the moment. He should know it to...c'mon... Oh yeah! Beautiful.

This post has been edited by Narratorway on 21st February 2004 00:13

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The only crits I can/want to offer here are that you use some words improperly and misspell others (not too bad a problem, actually) and that the plot seems to be plodding along very slowly...with lots of description and banter about this and that but little actual story coming along. Unless you're careful, people might start snoozing off in a moment here... >.>

No offense. It's otherwise brilliant. o.o;

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

Prolly doesn't show a plot cause there aint one Z. This is a stream o thought venture and it's character driven. I might think of a plot, but not at the moment. Anyway...

This was a touchy situation and for once Charlie was aware of it. He was without money (although rich in filth and odor) and he was attempting to get food, shelter and heaven willing, a bath. All for free. The odds were most definitely stacked against him. Situations like this called for finesse, tact, and charisma. However, since Charlie possessed none of things, he shut up and hoped for the best.

"Are you certain you're all right sir?" The young woman asked, looking genuinely concerned. Charlie nodded vigorously and gave her a thumbs up as a great hacking cough exploded out of him and he covered his mouth and held his tightened stomach. Timing is an ugly thing. His eyes began to water again. Suddenly he felt a hand on his back again and before he knew it, the young lady was pushing him into the house.

"Oh dear. You should come in and sit down a moment. I'm terribly sorry." The voice was so close and so...powerful, Charlie was afraid he'd faint right then and there...or worse. Despite having completed his first objective of attaining shelter, Charlie could barely contain his terror. He was weak in the knees and sweating profusely and his jaw was shut so tight it was beginning to hurt.

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Well that was short. Gonna hafta pick this up later.

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This is funny. I like your work. Soooo...who's chunky pete?

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and that the plot seems to be plodding along very slowly...with lots of description and banter about this and that but little actual story coming along. Unless you're careful, people might start snoozing off in a moment here... >.>

Well, Ive seen many stories going slower than this. Heck, LOTR was so friggin slow, it took like, 200 pages for the story to get going. Actually, it took much shorter, but it felt like 200 pages! So I think You doing fine,Narratorway.

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koasssssscpm;zdurbygudoybzxhrjgtxykegrxyuereuergueygrziyrgeixyexygrixyegrxiyrgeicrgnrsgizegndyznvizy
nvgeiruyrgvnzeignviezsuyvnyeisnyvesizygesnveiyznvuiyvneyzveizvnivnirnayviyg-that is how people on my planet speak. Yes I know I'm crazy. Please send all hate mail and threatening letters to [email protected]

I love it man. Keep going with wherever this is gonna go cause it's hilarious.

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"Like an Angel from the underworld, or a devil from paradise" Faye Valentine: Cowboy Bebop

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Someone's gonna hafta delete this, SINCE I CAN'T ANYMORE!!!! HINT HINT!

This post has been edited by Narratorway on 14th March 2004 23:16

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Charlie had been in these situations a'fore. Ever since childhood in fact. They took many different forms and the reasons were varied, but basically he lumped them all into one category. Being scared shitless. For once, it was a good thing that he hadn't eaten in a long while. When he was young it was monsters and Charlie would use the tried and true method of 'if I close my eyes it'll go away'. Charlie was unique among other small children in that he lacked any sense of curiosity whatsoever, so he never felt the need to open his eyes again to find out that the tried and true method was in fact, complete bullpucky. And so, unlike other children, he never abandoned it and began applying it to almost every problem that came his way. Soon it was refined to the point where it had pretty much become a philosphy of sorts. If he didn't care, it couldn't hurt him. But his tried and true method was begining to fail him here in this odd little cabin in the middle of nowhere and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why.

He sat now by a table in the living room with this young woman hurriedly looking around a kitchen cubbard for towels and bandages which which to dress his 'wounds' (which was really just blood from other soldiers caked on to his armor). This entire affair was all too familiar territory, and Charlie was desperately trying to quell his own fear and dread. Charlie was not blessed with a life that gave much kindness, but every once in a while, ignorance and naivety would smile upon him. Such times were fleeting, as he tended to screw 'em up pretty fast. He didn't see how this was gonna be any different. He didn't know how he'd make an enemy of her, he just knew it would happen and suddenly he felt incredibly angry. Much more would he rather be left out to starve to death in winter than be forced into some situation that involved him talking with some kind stranger whom he'd invaribly alienate, anger, or otherwise embarass himself in front of. He'd had enough of being shown what an ass he was capable of becoming. Smiles to frowns, this was it! It was bullshit and he wasn't going to play that game anymore.

"Is something wrong?" The young lady had a towel in her hand and bucket filled with warm water in the other.

"Yes." Charlie said curtly, looking up at her with a reserved, almost regal, nonchalance, "I'm frustrated with my complete ineptitude as a human being and am indignant of the situations that require me to interact with other human beings in a social manner, such as this one, whereby I will invariably provoke anger, outrage, or contempt from those around me."

Charlie lept out of his chair so quickly and suddenly that the girl gasped and took a step back in alarm. "Therefore I have made a decision. Madame, I need food and shelter, and want a bath. This is the closest residence where I can attain those things. However I have no money. That is the situation right now. Either you can give these thing or you cannot. If you do, I will be grateful, if not, I will not think less of you and will be on my way and waste no more of your time."

The words issued forth in a flurry, however Charlie's tone was calm and detached. Even as he looked at the young lady, he seemd to be looking past her, as if she wasn't there. Before she could reply, Charlie started again.

"However, if you decide to allow me one or more of these things, I would ask only as a favor that you speak to me as little as possible. Understand that I am a person of poor character, lazy, slovenly, and dim-witted. Nothing accentuates these facts better than when I try to interact with anyone else in a social manner. Therefore it is my personal conclusion that you and I will be much better off with as little interaction as possible if you choose to allow me food, shelter and bathing facilities."

Charlie stopped and waited. He was glad he got through that, but more importantly, he was glad he finally got back control. Now he had only to wait and see if it would get him anywhere, but even then it was okay. If he'd be kicked out, he woudn't care and at least he wouldn't have to have further dealing with another human being for a while. That thought brought a huge mental sigh of relief in his head. Yeah, getting kicked outta hear was sounding pretty good right about now.

"Your proposal is accepted." The girl said in a faux corporate tone and then giggled. Apparently she found his ordeal humorous.

However, Charlie didn't feel like laughing. In fact, he felt he was about to throw up.

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Quote (Narratorway @ 14th March 2004 18:15)

"Is something wrong?"  The young lady had a towel in her hand and bucket filled with warm water in the other.

"Yes." Charlie said curtly, looking up at her with a reserved, almost regal, nonchalance, "I'm frustrated with my complete ineptitude as a human being and am indignant of the situations that require me to interact with other human beings in a social manner, such as this one, whereby I will invariably provoke anger, outrage, or contempt from those around me."

haha.

Genius.

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They are in love. **** the War.