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Twisted_Freak’s Guide to Surviving the World
Issue 1: Making the Undead Dead Again.

Greetings all my fellow freaks. Tonight I thought I would pass along some words of my wisdom. Have you ever found yourself surrounded by the undead? Unsure of what to do? Well just follow this quick guide and you’ll be walking through the valley of death looking clean and unstoppable.

Part 1: Be Prepared

I cannot say this enough! Be prepared, be prepared, be prepared, and then be more prepared. Having the proper equipment at your disposal can make all the difference. Here is a small list of things you may want to carry with you:

A Maglite flashlight: A good Maglite will keep going for a long time, even with cheep ass batteries. In addition, because of it’s strong construction, it can be used as a club if need be.

Leather gloves: Not only do they make a cool fashion statement, leather gloves help protect your hands and provide a better grip then just your hands alone. In addition, a good idea is to sew lead shot inside the glove fist, this now gives you “Riot Gloves”. A good punch with these bad boys will cause significant damage to anything, dead, undead, or soon-to-be-dead.

Knife: A solid combat or survival knife can make all the difference. A good knife should have a 7” – 8” high carbon steel blade. Having the blade powder coated black is a plus, but a traditional stainless steel finish will work.

Gun: A Pistol is necessary! However, people differ on what type. Some say bigger is better, though I find carrying a hand cannon around to be a pain. The best gun is a sturdy 9mm or .45cal semi-auto. The newer .40 S&W and 10mm are good, but finding ammo in the field may be difficult. Also, leave the revolvers at home! The .38’s are underpowered and outclassed by everything short of the .22, plus only having 6 shots can really suck. You should have at least a 10 + 1 magazine, though a 13 + 1 or a 15 + 1 is preferable.

Part 2a: Know thy Enemy: The Zombie

Your Basic zombie, wither created by science or magic, still has a weakness. A zombie’s brain still has electrical impulses, though not as many as it did when it was alive. In addition, its heart will still be providing some circulation to the brain via the main artery and vein. Causing enough trauma to either the brain or heart will cease the zombie’s functions, causing it to return to its mortem state.

Part 2b: Know thy Enemy: Demons

Whenever something is summoned into this realm, it has to play by our rules. Meaning: if you put enough holes in it, it will die. I will list the most common creatures, and the best way to deal with them.

Basic demon: They are evil, but a bullet to the head makes them go silent.

Hunter – Killers: These things are fast and they have armour. Unless your packing full metal jacket rounds in your pistol, look for a rifle, or possibly 12 gauge sabot rounds.

Flyers: Things that can take flight under there own power can be unhealthy for you. Depending on their size, anything with a full automatic setting is recommended. The bigger the calibre the better.

Part 3: Putting it all together.

Now that I have said my Part, lets hear what the experts have to say:

Gordon Freeman, Half-Life: Being able to keep everything cool and straight while under fire is necessary. The slightest mistake can mean the world.

Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: Having your own style is necessary. Looking good while kicking ass separates the best from the rest.

Jill Valentine from Resident Evil Didn’t return my calls, plus the restraining order is still in effect.

In addition, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I will try to answer them the best I can.

Thanks for reading
The Twisted_Freak

Next Weeks Issue: Vampire Hunting: How Not To Get Sucked Out

This post has been edited by Twisted_Freak on 20th February 2004 03:49

for a stylish 80's heavy metal drummer look, you can cut the fingers off those leather gloves, and it gives a better feel for the trigger. the lead shot sewn into the knuckles and palm is a MUST. nothing drops the suckers like a sap glove.

the knife at the boot is a must, whether you plan on using it or not, i got mine to cut power cords and disarm misfired shells, but hell man lemme tell ya, a knife wrapped to your boot will show that you mean business.

now the pistol is debatable. rarely do you see zombie hunters rely ONLY on a pistol. usually the firearm is some illegal mutation of a shotgun. the pistol grip pump is popular. as for handguns though, i go for the good ol reliable .38 special. you just cant tangle with that.

know your enemy.

--------------------

You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun, a newborn in the light
Say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death
Hello to eternity and live for every breath

Your time will come...

Quote (therandyrhoads @ 20th February 2004 02:57)

...i go for the good ol reliable .38 special. you just cant tangle with that.

Ok, you make a few good points. but just as a note, this is a Beginners Guide, so i didn't bother to list all the weapons you should have. this is a bare bones list of what you REALLY NEED.

Now, in responce to your .38 special. it takes at least 2 shots to knock down a zombie, 3 - 4 if he's a tough bastard. a standard .38 has 6 shots, even with a quick loader, it takes about 4 -7 seconds to reload. Now a Beretta 92FS 9mm with a factory 10 round mag [if you want to drop mag and go] takes a max of 3 seconds to reload. Any good Zombie hunter worth his salt knows that zombies don't roam around alone, where there is one, he has at least 2 friends kicking around. if your down to your pistol, I for one, would pefer an extra 4 rounds in my gun.

You also bring up another good point, The shotgun. Anyone who has tangled with zombies and lived has had a shotgun in there hands. The 12 gauge shell weither it be the small 2 3/4" cartridge, or the 3" magnum will put a new air vent in just about anything. The 3" sabot round can even go through soviet body armor at around 15'. The number of Mods you can get for a shotgun is almost limitless, from pistol grips, fiberoptic sights, quick loaders... the list goes on. A shotgun should be on your shortlist for weapons.

btw, everything else you said, is style.

This post has been edited by Twisted_Freak on 21st February 2004 06:09

Im gonna go with The Good Old Standard X Wing, Y wing, Or if all else Fails A Lightsabre. Zombies ph34r Th3 F0|^C3

--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Quote (MogMaster @ 20th February 2004 03:31)

Im gonna go with The Good Old Standard X Wing, Y wing, Or if all else Fails A Lightsabre. Zombies ph34r Th3 F0|^C3

I'm not even going to comment on this.

Oh Cmon.

--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Ok MogMaster, lets try this:

Take yourself out of the Stars Wars Universe, and think of it in real world terms.

Hey If star Wars is my religion thats an attack. I demand justice! (no not really leave the bugger alone, Im the last one who should be demanding revenge for attacks ) ARGGG Ph34r 7|-|3 |=0|^(3 /\/00|}!! ZOMBIES SHALL FALL AT MY LIGHTSABRES BLADE!!!!! If i run out of real weapons i prefer a cardboard Tube! Ph34r 7h3 7Ub3!!! Apologies for the off topic in coherant writing.

Moderator Edit

I never thought that I would actually have to do this, but I think we're going to need to place a limit on your leet speak. I don't care to understand it, and neither do most of the forum goers. Keep it to 2 small words per post, tops, and if you're not going to be on topic, DON'T POST. You're already treading on thin ice. -Elena

Moderator Edit

And while we're at it, find your caps lock key, turn it off, and then remove it from your keyboard. -Neal

This post has been edited by Neal on 20th February 2004 18:57

--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Quote (Twisted_Freak @ 20th February 2004 01:44)

Ok MogMaster, lets try this:

Take yourself out of the Stars Wars Universe, and think of it in real world terms.

Star Wars is no less real than Lara Croft and demons. Think you might wanna rephrase that...

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"Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first name is Bad." - Rincewind

You can be as self-assertive as you like, just so long as you do what you’re told.” - Granny Weatherwax

"When Mr. Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend" - Sam Vimes to Detritus

Fusk it! Next question please...

What you really need to kill daemons, Demons, Ghosties, and things, are the Ghostbusters! and once they've all died, you go mop up the survivours!

Oh, and the Ordo Malleus.

But what are your veiws upon heavy weapons like M60's, M79's, Heavy Bolters, and RPG's against Zombies, and demons?

This post has been edited by Del S on 20th February 2004 21:50

--------------------

"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

Quote (Del S @ 20th February 2004 18:47)

But what are your veiws upon heavy weapons like M60's, M79's, Heavy Bolters, and RPG's against Zombies, and demons?

Finally! A good question.

Heavy weapons, which include the M60 belt fed machine gun, The Soviet RPG-9, and anything else that can be called a mobile meat grinder, can be useful if you deploy it right. If you are putting together a team, at least one person, but no more then three, should have a heavy weapon of some type. Being able to lay down a wall of lead from time to time can help in a pinch. Also, having thr ability to shell an incomming hord or zombies with the RPG can buy your team percious seconds to find a more defendable possition.

If your going in alone, Heavy weapons are, well, heavy. The M60, for example, has a Dry weight of 23 lbs, and a overall length of 43.5 inches. Plus you must lug the extra ammo bandoleers and spare barrels. Also, in combat conditions, it is recommended you change the barrel every 10 minutes when using sustained fire; every 4 minutes when using rapid fire, and ASAP if forced. All this takes the M60 off the short list.

My advice, Mount the Heavy Weapons on the Jeep, and use them for supression fire.

I have a question.

I'm more of a blade man myself. I was wondering what you think about using some sort of blade for zombie hordes and demons.

I have a 4 ft katana that could cut someones head off. I would think it could be a useful weapon when thinning out zombie packs. And it would help conserve ammo.

'Course I can see it having its problems, say, if a large number of zombies are closing in and you don't have enough swinging room. Also I'm not too sure how affective it would be against demons.

What would you recommend a single blade or double blade for use?

This post has been edited by Rujuken on 20th February 2004 22:43

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-- You're Gonna Carry That Weight --

Quote (Rujuken @ 20th February 2004 19:42)

I'm more of a blade man myself. I was wondering what you think about using some sort of blade for zombie hordes and demons...

Swords, or any other type of melee weapon can be devastating in the hands of someone who has had formal training. I personally have seen entire crypts cleaned out by a Man weilding a swing axe.

If you have the training, a sword can mow down hords of the undead and the demonic with little problem, I would suggest you have a place to shower after, since zombies tend to "leak" various fluid.

In responce to the Demons, it all depends on how good you are. A newbie, who found the sword on the wall, will have a much harder time with it, then an old pro who has a custom made Tachis.

The Best advice I can give you: If you have the training and the practice hours. Your sword should be placed on the short list. If not, leave the Blades to the people who know what the hell they are doing.

Hmmm......how about a jug of pure water for the ghosts, and revivifying items and phoenix down for the undead? Demons can simply be taken care of by some white magic and sacred-elemental arrows, swords, staffs, and rods.

--------------------

Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing.

You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey )

*/me goes to get his Moron Shield* Next question please...

now you hinted at it, but you didnt explicity say that the jeep with the top off is a must. i would personally pass up the wrangler for the more powerful, more reliable (discontinued ) CJ-6. usually used to retreat to higher ground when hordes of undead opponents are making chase.

also unmentiond is the annoying "sidekick" type character that will follow you around during your excursion and be completely useless until they save your ass at the end when all hope is seeminly lost. these sidekicks come in two forms:

male: real wimpy and skinny. annoying, and whiny. he always seems to be teetering on the brink of insanity and towards the end he snaps.

female: always busty and in her 20's. clueless for half of the zombie hunting, and then after that, she seems to decide she's had enough and goes into "period mode". gets very angry and violent. more manly than you are in the end.

--------------------

You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun, a newborn in the light
Say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death
Hello to eternity and live for every breath

Your time will come...

Okay, I thought of another question. Lets say your in a town, city, whatever where there is a zombie epidemic. You need to thin out the numbers so you can move around more freely (To eventually get out safely). To do this I would think you would need to set up a protected area. Some place where you can rest stash rations, ammo, etc.

My question is what kind of building, installation, would best be suited for a base of operation. And what measures, besides obvious ones (boarding windows), should be taken to prevent a break in.

Also I would like to know how you might go about setting up some sort of cattle coral system. Something to lure the zombies in one by one and dispose of them without wasting ammo or putting yourself at risk. I'm pretty sure I saw an something like that in 'Day of the Dead'.

--------------------

-- You're Gonna Carry That Weight --

Quote (Rujuken @ 21st February 2004 20:07)

My question is what kind of building, installation, would best be suited for a base of operation. And what measures, besides obvious ones (boarding windows), should be taken to prevent a break in.

Also I would like to know how you might go about setting up some sort of cattle coral system....

The best field base can vary from place to place. Look for something solid, preferably a nice Brick or concrete building, at least three stories high. If nothing like this is around, any out of the way place will work. I remember the last place I had to use for an extraction point. It was an old railway machine shop, it was freaking choice, 4 stories high, large flat roof, an old 1940's era industrial skylight, and only one large door that wasn't welded shut 30 years ago. It had been shut down and moth balled for at least 30 years, and there were these maintenance pits in the floor of the main room [that measured at least 200' long by 175' wide]. We set-up trip wire claymores and a pair of M60 nests in some old offices. Two small one-eighth pound blocks of c4 made new doors into the hallway from the MG nests. In the middle of the hall way another claymore was set-up, at the end of the hall way, near the stares, 4 jimmy cans of gas and a short fuse grenade booby trap was set, this was rigged in a cretin way to blow out the steps.

Now if you don't get as lucky as we did, all you have to remember is this: if you want a roof extraction, a front door bottleneck is the best choice. Seal up everything else [windows, other doors...] with ANYTHING on hand, tables supported by a few 2x4's work well, chain, 1" plywood [don't use anything thinner. If all you have, is three quarter inch or smaller, double or triple up], anything you can't punch through, use it.

If your extraction plan calls for a land based extraction. Look for something near of on the main road, cars make a great barricade. In addition, you can set them on fire, which can help the extraction team find you. Be prepared to use everything you have, and to have a way to get the hell out [SUV’s are great, the back window frame makes a nice place to put a machine gun].

Now, in terms of a "Zombie cattle coral". Rock quarries, subway stations... Anything you can lure the ugly bastards into that is underground works wonders, if you can collapse it after. Flooding also works, but if you collapse a structure, it will give you a lot more time for the real heavy weapons to be brought in [think National Armed Forces].

One thing that must be considered before tackling these creatures is their origins.

Zombies and Demon brought here through sorcery are best beat by it. After all, instead of trying to wipe out the zombie horde one by one you could destroy the mage that created them thus negating his/her spell. With that in mind, you might want to stop in to your local magic shop to stock up on Holy water, spell books, contration crystals, ect.

As for those brought here by science, then you're best options are with whatever you can get your hands on. But even with those beings there might be a genetic flaw, or some sort of laboratory defict that makes them chemically unstable thus susceptible to some element or another.

Doing your research can make the difference between a swift victory to hoping to god you don't run out of bullets. Who knew this sh!t they about doing your homework would actually apply in real world situations.

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"Like an Angel from the underworld, or a devil from paradise" Faye Valentine: Cowboy Bebop

Question: How are stealth tactics used in conjunction with zombie slaying...and is it an effective strategy?

This post has been edited by Zephir on 22nd February 2004 04:43

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

Well, I'm not big on magic. Could someone elaborate on this topic?

This there any chance a mages spell still holds after being killed?

Are magic zombies any different from normal ones? Or are magic zombies the normal ones?

If you cut a magic zombies head off, does it bleed?

--------------------

-- You're Gonna Carry That Weight --

Wow, four good questions at once. I'm so happy i feel like river dancing:
:]-\-<
:]-|-<
:]-/-<
ok enough of the bullshit...

Quote

Zephir:
How are stealth tactics used in conjunction with zombie slaying...and is it an effective strategy?

Zombies hunt by whatever is working. A blind zombie hunts by smell and sound for example. In addition, on occasions, it has been observed by recon teams [that survived] to use some type of ESP [you kill one zombie with a silenced weapon, and then for some reason, all the other zombies look right at you.] Stealth tactics have been shown to work when setting up a "massive joint firing tactic" [a.k.a. twelve team members sneak around, surround a large group of Zombies or other undead, and open fire simultaneously].

Quote

Rujuken:
This there any chance a mages spell still holds after being killed?
Are magic zombies any different from normal ones? Or are magic zombies the normal ones?
If you cut a magic zombies head off, does it bleed?

On the first question: Magic is a force. Once a spell has been cast, it will last as long as the caster wanted it to last. This has to do in part to how much energy was put into it. Also, enchanted items [like wards and seals] draw there energy from Nature, thus they stay until a unbind spell is csat.

There are two types of Zombies, A Magical Zombie [a dead body that has been revived with A magical force, either man made by a Mage, Witch, or Wizzard], and a "Normal" [also known as a Man made] Zombie [anything that was dead, and has been brought back to life with minunal brain functions].

And Finally: Any Zombie will bleed, something. weither it be blood, liquified body tissue, enbalming fluid, or protoplasm if it was revived with magic. It also Depends on how fresh the body is, and how much damage the body has. If you cut the head off a Magical Zombie, or if the head is already off [a magical zombie can survive if it is revived with no head]] there will be stuff spurting out.

This post has been edited by Twisted_Freak on 22nd February 2004 06:30

Zombies... I Shall destroy them All! 1970's Dukes Of Hazard Car, Ak-47 Russian Assualt Rifle, Get my self a Busty Blonde Gunner for the Side Window and DEATh Shall Ensue. As to the Previous Question, I dont think Zombies bleed at all Because To Bleed One Must Have A heart beat, And the Living Dead Dont Need A pulse. Usually Blood Is Extracted from the Corpse Pre-Buriel. Im still Caught up on this Pirate!

--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Quote (MogMaster @ 22nd February 2004 03:22)

... As to the Previous Question, I dont think Zombies bleed at all Because To Bleed One Must Have A heart beat, And the Living Dead Dont Need A pulse. Usually Blood Is Extracted from the Corpse Pre-Buriel.

A Zombie will have a somewhat functional circulatory system. Otherwise it will not move. Ever sit on your leg for a long period of time? the weight of your body is cutting off the blood flow to your leg, now try to stand up, what happens you ask? You just about fall on your ass. Now wither the system is circulating blood, something will be in the veins and arteries, it may be blood, or embalming fluid, or maybe even protoplasm if it's a magical zombie.

As to the above, If it is a zombie, For any of You that Have Ever seen An EArly Peter Jackson Film You will Know What Im talking about, You can Hack off Limbs here and there so it obviously doesnt feel.

--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

oh, I've got another one.

What about research done on zombies. Has there been any? Y'know the "what makes them tick research". Or maybe researching a possible weakness or cure for the zombification. If like say you make a cure for the undead ailment then maybe taking out hordes wouldn't be so much work. Or you could prevent the zombification all together by say requiring all dead to be injected with it before burial.

I'd also like to hear about any research on demons. Supply the specific types if applicable.

--------------------

-- You're Gonna Carry That Weight --

Have Anyof You ever seen the SOUTH PARK where they accidentally embalm the Guy with Worcsechestire Sauce(Urgg I butchered the Word) And he was like a zombie then? Yeah lets try not to do that and im sure w'eel be fine


--------------------

If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Quote (MogMaster @ 22nd February 2004 06:22)

Ak-47 Russian Assualt Rifle,

TECHNICALLY its Soviet. But it was manfuactured by a Russian (it is the Assault Kalashnikov..), and its knock-offs are made just about everywhere.

Also, shots fired will rupture the skin, and release at least some blood

But tothe main point: What are your veiws upon using Armour against zombies? and i dotn mean Body armour, i mean an Abrams.

--------------------

"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

Quote

Rujuken:
What about research done on zombies. Has there been any?

Sadly, the boys in R&D haven’t been issued the funds to build a proper Zombie research station. All research and Information has been either gathered in the field or recovered from failed research projects. All other information has been classified Level Demi-God 2 9er 14 by the Wind Reapers Division of the NID.

Quote

Del S:
What are your veiws upon using Armour against zombies? and i dotn mean Body armour, i mean an Abrams.

Zombies are not equip with Armour piercing equipment. If you take shelter in anything with some steel or [if you happen to find a M1A1 just sitting around] Depleted Uranium armour, you’re safe. I have seen a zombie claw away at a bank vault door until it wore it's fingers down to the knuckle.

As for the weapons system mounted on armoured vehicles. Tanks are good for indirect supporting fire. However, I have always found a few browning .50 cal's mounted on anything with wheels and an engine to be effective.