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I was a little bord today and felt like writing. I came up with this charater sketch of one of the main charaters in my book I'm writing. I just wanted to know what you all though of it. Its a bit rough in parts..but let me know.


It is the first snow fall of winter;small fluffy flakes fall to the ground. Where autums pst have left their memorys,they come to rest in their leavy beds. And it is there in the pale light I see him. He is tall and hansome,with a rugged face framed by dark waves. His eyes have transformed from the brown I love to deep pools. As if mirrors reflecting the depths of my being. For but a moment our souls seem to dance in that far off place. His hands are worn and cut from logging,yet soft and embraceing at the same time. As I stand in the mists of this creature I take it all in. From the bulky Irish knit sweater to the old stealtip work boots. But the eveing is slipping by quickly for time is not a generous lady. A small smile forms across his face revealing boyish charm and the child still hid within.As he reaches out an inviting hand I follow him inside where a warm fire awaits.

This post has been edited by Lilly on 27th December 2003 20:37

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Henery David Thoreau

It's pretty, and he looks like a solid character to me.

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

It seems like an interesting character, however you have many grammatical and spelling problems in that paragraph that you may wish to fix. No offence.

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

No offance taken Elena

I know it needs fixing...its a rough draft thats why I said it was rough in parts .
I wanted to know what people thought of the charater...not my grammer.....that will be fixed latter.

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Henery David Thoreau

It's very pretty, like poetry.
So tell me, is the new character in your book the guy or the girl?
Just wondering.

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Wow. 1,000 posts.

I miss you all now that I'm in boarding school! ;_;

I have a clear picture of the guy your describing once again your skill is aparent to all. Among RPG's Final Fantasy, Among writers Lilly.

Figaro

both the guy and the girl are in my story ...Lilly the girl Taran the guy. But the charater I'm talking about is the boy ,Taran.
thankies for you replies

This post has been edited by Lilly on 28th December 2003 05:06

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Henery David Thoreau

That character looks like a good start. I'm not a girl so i dont think i can fully appreciate it, but well done none the less. Oh and on a completely unrelated note the link in your profile seems to be broken.

I think you should consider expanding this a little. Some of your descriptions are nice, but they'd flow together better and be more compelling if you fleshed them out. For example, how are his hands both worn and embracing? (I'm not saying that this is in any way unclear--just that you could impact the reader a little more if you elaborated. I know exactly what you mean, but you could put together some lovely prose if you wanted.)

One thing that is a little unclear to me is, "transformed from the brown I love to deep pools." Why can't they be deep, brown, pools? This description doesn't really make it clear how they've been transformed from being a color into being "deep pools."

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Veni, vidi, dormivi.