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This came to mind when I was reading an article in a magazine written by a guy who lamented the lack of connection he ever really had with his (deceased at the time of his writing it) father. The overall point of the article was to discuss the fact that a lot of adult males have rocky, distant, or sometimes nonexistent relationships with their fathers, and to implore its readers to improve their relations with theirs if they can, before its too late.

It made me think about the relationship I have with MY father. I don't hate the guy or anything, but it always has been pretty distant. My parents divorced when I was pretty young, and afterwards my dad was pretty successful with his auto detailing business, so he never had time (or made any, really) for me and my siblings. And then he moved to Arizona. Sure, he was good at throwing money around sometimes, but my relationship with my dad was pretty much like how Fight Club put it in a conversation between Tyler and the main character, if you've ever seen it;

Tyler Durden: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
Narrator: Sounds familiar.
Tyler Durden: So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job."
Narrator: Same here.
Tyler Durden: Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married."

I'm not at the 'get married' part yet (I'm not done with college yet either) but it pretty much sums up in 'call him every now and then and he gives me some one liner advice/words and I call him next year ad infinum'. I dunno, when I think about it, I'm not really resentful about it, since I'm an adult and I don't really NEED him anymore, but hey, I figure it might be an interesting thing for everyone to talk about.

What type of relationship do you have with your dads? Close? Distant? Nonexistent? Is Father's Day something you actually circle on the calendar or forget until someone casually mentions it? Discuss.

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//www.rpgmaker.net/
We make games. Period.

My dad turned into one of my best friends as I grew up. We had a ton in common and actually enjoyed spending time with one another. I left home to go to college halfway across the country, and after graduating, went the rest of the way to the opposite coast for a job, and we still talked nearly every day during all of this. He died very suddenly a few years back and I miss him a ton. I am fortunate that I have no regrets in my relationship with him. You can always grow past needing a father figure, but a dad is still wonderful.

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Hey, put the cellphone down for a while
In the night there is something wild
Can you hear it breathing?
And hey, put the laptop down for a while
In the night there is something wild
I feel it, it's leaving me

Freud was of the opinion that all the greatest stories involved patricide- he specifically mentions Oedipus Rex (Sophocles), Hamlet (Shakespeare), and The Brothers Karamazov (Dostoevsky). There's a definite thing where as a man you want and are obligated to surpass your father. Take Kafka for example who NEVER surpassed his father, lived in a constant state of unease in the man's shadow, and died before him, young and feeble with tuberculosis. There was a reason Kafka thought of himself as a failure . Other examples abound- take Nietzsche who's father was a pastor and died while falling down the steps when he was just a boy. He lived the rest of his life ashamed at having been handed a victory over what should have been his most formidable opponent. This shows all over in his work as a constant competitiveness. There's also the great Bible story of Jacob and Esau, where Esau is the favored of the father but is tricked out of his blessing.

I'm more or less in the same boat as Nietzsche, naturally with some differences. My father was a heroin addict who was ejected from our home and arrested at the same time. Essentially, he died that day in terms of being something I had to surpass. At the age of twelve, when your father goes, you look for a new one, and I turned towards a bunch of dead guys who I could pass like milestones. While to never pass the guy and be a Kafka is awful, being handed a kingdom that everyone you know with a dad is forced to fight for is shameful. There's a sense of guilt at having been handed the keys without having lifted a finger. For a short while I lived with my dad again and talked to him, but he struck me very much as something behind me- something sick even and slightly disgusting. Overall, I feel most bad for my two sisters on account of the fact that to them a father figure would have been all the difference. As it stands both of them are dating older men- go figure.

This post has been edited by MogMaster on 11th September 2010 09:03

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If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Dad split when I was 1, so I was waaay too young to carry any baggage from the experience and ironically enough, I ended up bonding more with his side of the family than I ever did my mom's side...which is to say almost none at all. This meant he was always...available I guess would be the term? I always had access to him if I wanted, but I never took advantage of that cause I never had the inclination to do so. I don't know if he viewed me as his son, but I know I never viewed him as a father. He was a part of the larger family. I have the same familial relationship with him as I do his brother. So basically, I view him as an uncle.

Like I said, I never took issue with him leaving, but he apparently received a lot of flak on both sides of the family for severing ties with me after getting a new wife. Something about that always struck me as funny for some reason. I'm also fairly certain it's why my mom hated his guts!

This post has been edited by Narratorway on 11th September 2010 16:54

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Arts

Farts

Twarts

I've actually been really lucky where family is concerned. I have both my parents, they love each other, I've never been abused, etc etc. My dad isn't the distant type, either, and in fact I'd venture to say he feels a lot of emotions more strongly than I do. I mean, yes, sometimes he gets mad sometimes, or upset, or whatever, and it sucks when that happens, but I can hardly complain; it happens to everyone. So, instead, I'll tell you about my girlfriend.

Her dad left when she was 6 months old; he'd been like 10 years older than her mother, and they had never married. She doesn't really seem bitter about it, and she'll talk about it like it's nothing (I always try to be wary of offending but she assures me that she doesn't care). I know her mom, and she's sort of the overbearing type (to the point where she's paranoid about my girlfriend driving at all, even though she's 18 and has her license. I'm glad my girlfriend's at college now). Now, I don't know if the parent situation had anything to do with it, but she identified as lesbian for something like two years and I guess she was starting to change her mind about that when she met me; in any case, I'm lucky she did. Again, I have no idea if this is caused by her lack of relationship with her father combined with overbearing mother, but, if it is, it's caused her to be a really well-rounded person. I'm not saying people without parents are better people, just that it seems to have worked out okay for her.

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Squenix games completed:

FFIII
FFIV
FFVI
FFVII
FFIX
FFX
FF Tactics: Advance 2
Chrono Trigger
Dragon Quest 8
Dragon Quest 11
Super Mario RPG

I am very lucky. My Dad would support me whatever, whenever, however. Partly because he missed out on some of that support himself, I suppose that could've lead him to raise me the same way but like I said: I am very lucky.

My parents probably think I'm gay aswell. Imagine the shock when they discover I'm not.