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~Footsteps of Ruin~ An FFIV Fanfic

Posted: 5th January 2008 19:37

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...here's me again, with another sad attempt at fan fiction. I gave up Memento and scrapped some FFVII fic ideas I never posted before I moved onto this one. It centers on events that take place about a year before FFIV, when Baron is at war with a nation called Ardoa. This is...something of a prologue, I guess.

Please give me all the feedback you can, I really want to know how I can improve my writing.







"Here he is, sir."

A tall, muscular man with dark hair had been bound in chains and brought before King Cecil Harvey, who had now risen from his seat in the throne room. The man's green eyes were full of anger and hatred- his teeth were clenched and he looked almost ready to break out of his chains and attack Baron's lord and ruler. His was in shackles, his hands behind his back as he was forced to kneel.

"...this is the serial murderer? The one claiming to be a survivor from Ardoa?" Cecil said looking at the killer with compassionate eyes.

The two armoured knights in front of him nodded silently as the chain-bound man lowered his head.

"I- It took an entire s..s- squadron to bring him down, Your Majesty," the younger soldier stammered, perhaps out of fear. "Even so, he...managed to kill most of the men in the troop."

"...is that so...?" Cecil said, feeling no different from the murderer in front of him.

"It was justice," the killer muttered violently. "Retribution for what you did to us 6 years ago. We are victims of genocide, you bastards...and you have no right to judge me."

"How dare you speak to the king like that!? Still your tongue!" one knight yelled, almost pulling his sword out of its sheath. The younger knight only looked away as some guilt came over him.

Cecil said nothing. When news of a mass murderer in Baron, seeking revenge for the Ardoan Conflict had reached his ears, he felt he had brought this upon the kingdom himself. He was just as guilty as the man before him.

Six years ago, a year before the Mysidian Raid and the beginning of Cecil's journey to redemption, there had been a violent conflict between the nations of Baron and Ardoa, a region of approximately equal size that was between Baron and the Mist Cave.

No one really knew how the war had started. Baron told its people that they had been threatened by Ardoan agents and terrorists, though Cecil knew very well at this point that that was far from the truth.

There would have been no victor in the campaign had it not been for Baron's military trump card. A faction of elite soldiers, trained from youth for combat. Warriors who cut short their own lives in exchange for deathly powers that would make any mortal man tremble.

The Dark Knights.



Six Years Ago



"On what grounds have I been sentenced here!?" General Dolbeth of Baron yelled angrily, gripping the prison bars tightly. "I am no traitor! Why was my enrollment in the military revoked!? Why am I to be executed!?"

Baigan chuckled. "You're being executed for our convenience. The King has decided to...clean up our surroundings."

"Are you saying..." he said, shocked. "You mean I'm being executed because I'm half Ardoan!? You cannot mean that!"

"Damn right I mean it. And any other Ardoan immigrants will be thrown in here as well."

"You cannot get away with this!? The people of Baron will despise both you and the crown!" Dolbeth shouted as he gripped the bars of his cell even tighter. "They would never accept such reasoning!"

Baigan put his hand on his fingers on his chin, pondering for a moment. "How about this...?" he said as he began to walk back and forth through the stone halls. "We'd recently uncovered evidence suggesting that General Arvis Dolbeth had been not only sympathizing with Ardoan terrorists, but also providing them with vital information relating to the nation's defenses? Yes, I think that would work."

Dolbeth's eyes widened in terror as he sank to his knees, almost unable to believe that his once best friend was saying such things. "Why, Baigan...? You and the king- you used to be such kind people. What is the meaning...the meaning behind your violent metamorphosis?"

Baigan stopped in his tracks and stared blankly at his former friend. He had earned his pity.

"When you have the power to do something, Arvis, it's hard not to try."

As Baigan exited the prison floor and made his way up a steel staircase, Dolbeth had nothing more to say. His life was over- and there would be nothing he could do to prevent the Ardoan campaign which he had failed to protest against. Nothing he did now would matter anymore.

"...oh, God, please let the truth be revealed."

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The army of Baron had mobilized in a large crowd outside the castle as the newly appointed General Von Eisen stood above the front gate's walls, proudly holding his mythril axe and shield, looking ready for battle. A fellow soldier placed his horned helmet on his head for him, and the armoured warrior was ready to speak. The sight of the entire military standing before him gave him pride, and a sense of greatness within himself.

"Everyone!" he yelled in a loud, booming voice. "Today, the King of Baron has signed Baronian Decree #451!"

Every last soldier, from the squires and knights in the back, to the Chocobo Knights in the second row of the crowd, to the Dark Knights and the solitary Dragoon in the front row, knew what this meant. The conflict with Ardoa would become one settled with blood.

"The peace treaty with Ardoa has been nullified! The Ardoan Extermination Campaign has BEGUN!"

Many of the soldiers drew their weapons and raised them into the air, screaming and cheering. For the newest Dark Knight, Cecil Harvey, this would be his first real combat experience. He would fight, and risk his life to protect his nation and those he loved- even if he had to do so using the demon arts of the Dark Knight's Arcana.

Little did he know, this war would destroy his youthful ideals.

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FFIVDS looks awesome, right? Especially the character scans. I mean, look at that CGI scan of Yang. You see it and you just think...badass. And then you look at his polka-dot pants, likely stolen from a Dr. Seuss book. And then you just...shiver.
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Posted: 5th January 2008 23:29

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i like the idea, based on the intro given here. it grabs my attention. it looks pretty good gramatically, just a couple things i'd like to point out.

Quote
almost unable to believe that his once best friend was saying such things.

that just sounds a little... tangled.

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He had earned his pity.

its not very clear. if you read it a couple times, it makes sense, but it could be cleaned up some. this is kinda an important part, since it illustrates a theme that is more than recurring in genocides.

im really excited to see what other characters make appearances in this fanfic. hope to see more from you soon!

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