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Hello, and Welcome to the Evil Plot of the Year Awards 2006. This topic is for public voting for the winner of the not-very coveted 'Evil Genius' prize. This year's awards were very nearly disrupted by many of the plans being within inches of success!

This year, there are TEN candidates decided from the recommendations of experts(1) who have studied(2) intelligence data, newspapers(3), and other sources(4) including Internet Blogs(5) and a well known internet political analyist's insights (6). We regret to inform Mr Blofeld, Mr Chiffre, Mr Smith, Mr Vader, and Mr Giles Banderson(7) from Milton Keynes that their respective plots, despite being very evil, did not quite make the grade this year. Better luck next year gentlemen!

1. Stingrays
Plot- Planned to initiate the conquest of Australia by assassinating Steve Irwin. After the loss of the Australian people's only defence against Godzilla, now tired of Japan, but fearing Irwin, they planned for their two enemies, Australia and Godzilla, to destroy each other, and they would then invade Australia... Despite some casualties their plan seemed unstoppable...
Foiled By- George W. Bush personally coming to Australia with the other three members of his Superhero team, The Executive: Dick Cheney, Condolezza Rice, and Donald Rumsfeld, alongside Karl Rove, their Communications officer, and Ted Stevens, Internet Plumber, to kick ass and take names. During their titanic clash with Godzilla in Brisbane, as Ted Stevens cleared the tubes of the internet so Rove could e-mail the weakness of Godzilla to the Australian SAS, as Bush slugged it out had to hand with Godzilla, Cheny shot Godzilla in the face, and countless unnamed Australian soldiers were slaughtered as Rumsfeld tried to draw the fire of the radioactive lizard, his hero shield defending him, Condolezza realised the Stingrays plan had been all along to bring about this battle. When she told Godzilla, the furious lizard enlisted every version of him, from mechazilla, to even GINO, and promptly went under the ocean in the HMS Trafalgar and USS Dallas along with the five American superheros, and slaughtered every last Stingray in the Australian Ocean...

2. The European Union
Plot- Planned to lull the world into a false sense of security by not making any clear moves at global domination.
Foiled By- Global distrust of their act of non-evil led to investigative journalists discovering they planned to, on January 1st 2007, land a meteor on the US using a giant tractor beam. That plan itself was foiled by the French diverting the funds to the beam to thier own farmers due to a Strasbourg clerk hiding the project under the CAP budget.

3. Tony Blair
Plot- Planned to achieve eternal life and eternal prime ministership by singing the birdie song backwards in swahili atop a ley line on the white cliffs of dover. That this would cause the cliffs to fire a beam of plasma that would wipe out most of southern France did not bother him or anyone else, not even the people who lived there as they were all on holiday, except Dick Cheney, who wanted to turn the UK around to aim at Cuba.
Foiled By- Dick Cheney shooting him in the face and knocking him off the cliffs, plummeting into the ocean with a scream of fury, only for the cliffs to fire all the plasma at him... Both men were extremely annoyed when that caused Mr Blair to gain the power to fly, but not eternal life, nor the power to stay PM forever. Mister Brown is said to be seeking this power...

4. The British Broadcasting Corporation
Plot- They attempted to suppress the knowledge banks of the world by ensuring that Guy Goma, Britain and Congo-Brazzaville's Expert on Everything There Is Ever, never returned to Television
Foiled By- Rupert Murdoch, ally of The Executive, discovered this plan, and a furious George W. Bush went to White City, and kicked some asses, until finally his foe, the Director-General, was defeated. Goma's knowledge was soon aired to the world, allowing a scientist in Zimbabwe to construct a laser cannon from a can of cola, a diamond, a magnifying glass and the clockwork mechanism from a watch to blow up an invading alien spacecraft. This may not have happened in what we call "the real world" but trust me, it happened. Somewhere.

5. Sven-Göran Eriksson
Plot- Planned to detonate himself at the world cup final, slaughtering thousands and then proceeding to absorb the lifeforce of the dead to become The Svenreaper. Trust me, that's very bad.
Foiled By- Portugal. Again.

6. Otaku Furries
Plot- Planned to initate 'operation neko', using the =^.^= emoticon and variants to mindwash everyone on the internet into watching something where people said you's a gay, yo jimbob. Or something.
Foiled By- The disapproval of the emoticon by Prince, combined with an assault by white supremacist furries opposed to Japanese culture, destroyed their plan and saw the group's leaders sentenced to be fired at Afghanistan by an orbital cannon. It's one of those things to just confuse everyone really.

7. Rob Schneider AKA Darth Schneider
Plot- Planned to star in a good movie, to cause the minds of critics the world over to explode, allowing his master, Darth Boll, to attain the rights to the MGS movie as well as Final Fantasy 6, Castlevania, and Megaman.
Foiled By- Condolezza Rice and Vin Diesel, teaming up to crush Schneider into a fine paste, which was then eaten in sandwich form by Uwe Boll, who then exploded.

8. Scientology
Plot- Planned to block the internet by sending their cease and desist letters into the series of tubes, where they would explode
Foiled By- David Hasselhoff, The King of the Internet, and Ted Stevens, Internet Plumber, glowered at them, and even their lawyers realised the danger.

9. Tetsuya Nomura
Plot- Planned to make more and more of the male characters in Final Fantasy games feminine, and make the levels of clothing grow smaller and smaller in order to expolit an obscure loophole in Japanese law that allows someone who successfuly induces 50% of the US audicence to think a male is a female or vice versa, to become the new emperor if he wins a game of chess against the most retarded man or woman within three hundred and forty two mileseighteen yards and three inches of the 3445th rivet in the tokyo tower counting from the tip to the bottom counter-clockwise.
Foiled By- The fact the designer for FF12 , Akihiko Yoshida, outdid him in the "...Well, yes, feminine is one way of putting it..." stakes with Vaan and that the first judge to look at the law discovered it had been written in crayon by the-then Prime Minister's four year old son and somehow made it into the Japanese constituion.

10. Eric Bauman
Plot- Planned to steal the entire internet's content as well as the minds of anyone dumb enough to watch his TV show
Foiled By- The Zimbabwean Scientist from before, on a visit to the US, found the secret Mountain base the EU were building the tractor beam in, and inadvertedly built it from scratch from a coaster, cup of coffee, a copy of the new york times, 2 duracells, a paper clip, a pair of sunglasses and a hamster, brought a small football sized meteor down on Bauman's home just as Donald Rumsfeld was about to lay the smackdown. A dismayed Secdef returned to DC by foot having not foiled one evil plan alone. However, they played 'The Lonely Man' theme from the incredible hulk TV show, so he got to try hitchhike and was happy in the end. And then he got sacked and promptly was less happy.

(1) Me.
(2) Falsified. By Me.
(3) Things I wrote.
(4) Things I said.
(5) Which I wrote.
(6) Me again.
(7) Not me.

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"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

The stingrays win the Evil Deed of the year award.

R.I.P. Steve Irwin

and don't forgot they also tried to kill a random old man.

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"Have you ever seen a baby do that before?"

It is obvious that the stingrays are the most evil for the assassination of Steve Irwin.

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"You know that feeling you get when you're on a merry go 'round, and you want to jump off to make the spinning stop, but you know it'll suck when you land? I feel like that all the time"- Keno

"I stab my girl until I fall down"
-Yukari
Do you like Horny Bunnies?

Scientology . And that was just the evil plot that was exposed/foiled...Even if scientology does not have a plot exposed you know that they are up something nefarious (to use a Bush administration term) and otherwise no good. Needless to say, they will get my write-in vote from here on out.

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"You broke my f***ing sitar, mother f***er."
-Anton A. Newcombe

"Yet another 'use your sword to magically deliver death from above' character comes in somewhere between the Living Cabbage and Milkmaid character options." -red_beard_neo

The Truth (possibly NSFW)

I appreciate the nod to Stingrays and Otaku Furries, but Eric Bauman is the only one on that list that I would like to see eradicated. Not just sued. Erased from the face of the earth.

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this is a blog mostly about comics and videogames
END SPOILER

I got it! this might not be as good as eradicating him, but we should send him one of those really annoying talking birthday cards, and aside from how annoying it is we won't wish him a happy birthday!

This post has been edited by Pun-Master Akey on 5th December 2006 03:56

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I didn't lose my mind, It ran away.

It was a tight call between eBaums, Tetsuya and Scientology.

Stingrays did pull ahead early on, but in the end, they were flash in the pan and the momentum just didn't last. Tetsuya had a good lead from the beginning with a sollid platform of gender confusing, but the overall common place matter of "OMG ANIME BOYZ LOK LIK GRLZ!!!!!!" was simply not enough to sustain it.

Scientology, while obviously the most evil and insidious as a whole, for the year alone has not achieved great strides. Now remember, while all the news about it being an insane and dangerous cult has come to light this past year, the actual information has been available since damn near the seventies, or whenever L Ron made his drunken bet.

So in the end, the awared must go to eBaums, if for no other reason than it came wth a catchy tune.

This post has been edited by Narratorway on 5th December 2006 12:07

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Arts

Farts

Twarts

By far its the stingrays. To each is own stingrays...to each is own. They thought they killed steve...but you cannot kill pure spirit and heart.

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This is my story...

I will never be a memory