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Ok umm if i make short chapters there'll prolly be a lot since when i start writing something i get really caught up. if i make em lengthy there will be around 15 to twenty at most if thats ok otherwise i can shorten just tell me! ok here i go.
oh yeah a side note i think the war of magi took place 1000 years ago from the present in ff6 where magic was destroyed and all that so ff4 took place like 1020 years ago for my story (cuz they have magic and stuff).

Prologue
The world is in ruins... a war from long ago had begun to reenact. 14 brave warriors confronted the madman known as Kefka and stopped him from destroying the world and setting technology back another 1000 years.
Meanwhile on the very same day 1100 years ago 5 brave warriors with the help of their friends stranded on earth defeat the evil lunarian known as Zeromus.
The cause of these two villains defeat was righteousness. But what all of the victorious warriors don't realize is that a new evil has been set loose as a result. He is the ultimate mechanism for destruction. Now all life as we know it is in danger. This villain can travel throughout time destroying whatever he pleases.
The only way he can be stopped is through the union of these warriors. This is the story of the fight to save past present and future.
This "legend" as the elders call it is known as:
The ray of hope.

Chapter 1
There he sat his muscular figure sitting in the grass near the rubble of Kefka's tower. His body was in fairly bad condition, his armor almost reduced to dust revealing his tattered clothes and several bloody wounds. "no more magic" he said to himself. "Sabin you idiot why don't you have any healing potions, you knew you were gonna need healing after magic was destroyed" he said smacking himself upside the head.
         He had been left behind, thought to be dead but he wouldnt give up so easy. As he began to pull himself to his feet a familiar face emerged from the rubble. Gogo climbed to it's feet slowly and gazed around, upon seeing Sabin it quickly walked to him and began copying his every move.
"Gogo!" exclaimed Sabin "it's good to see a familiar face".
"Gogo! it's good to see a familiar face" Gogo copied.
Sabin then thought to himself "It's gonna be a Looooooooong way home with gogo here as my only companion, I wonder who he er she i mean it is anyway".
              Weeks went by as the duo tried to get back to figaro, Sabin's safe haven. But there was a problem Sabin was running out of food and Gogo copying him was driving him nuts, though he had noticed some slight changes in Gogo since the tower assault. When Gogo mimicked Sabin there was a slight femenine tone to it's voice and it moved more gracefully.
Sabin and Gogo soon reached South Figaro and that is when Sabin took a good look at Gogo female curves being revealed from the few rags left on Gogo after being ripped up during the travel. THough Gogo's face was still completely covered.
       Sabin then put 2 and 2 together and exclaimed with shock "Gogo! You're a woman!?". "well no use hiding it anymore i suppose" replied Gogo as she pulled off the many rags on her face. "then what is your name" asked Sabin inqusitively. Gogo grinned playfully and replied "well thats for me to know and you to find out..."though there was something dark about gogo's answer something Sabin couldn't quite put his finger on.
       The two continued on defeating all the monsters who got in there way until they reached figaro, Gogo cackling to herself because the moment they saw the capital they noticed smoke rising into a great cloud over Figaro. Sabin noticed a great fire spread all over Figaro castle and wondered why they had not submerged. Terror entered his heart as he ran as fast as he could to Figaro.

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

League: Z3roHawk
Steam: Zero_Hawk
Wii U: Zero_Hawk
FF14 - Goblin - Zero Hawk <Fiend>

Tis a nice introduction. I await the next chapter in which I'll have trouble comprehending that Gogo is a girl, guy oh hell. This has to be the first fic where Gogo is a chick.

An interesting start :-) I don't quite get how the world's are connected though.

MorgueN: I actually wrote a fic a long time ago in which Gogo was a woman. It's still up in the CoN if you want to see, though badly written compared to my writing now.

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

You dont get how the worlds are connected YET anyway, to me the lands changed from shifts in the earth, you wrote that fanfic i read that a few years ago. gogo was setzers old girlfriend right?

Chapter 2
     Sabin sprinted as fast as he could towards the castle, looking back every couple of yards to Gogo who was barely following him now.The fool thinks i'm going to help him... Gogo thought to herself but he is in for a surprise. Gogo grinned darkly and began to catch up to Sabin.
     Meanwhile inside the castle everyone but Edgar had disappeared and Edgar now frantically searched for them. "Terra!? Mog? Cyan! Anybody!?" Edgar shouted frantically. Edgar then noticed something as he searched the dungeon again. The thieves tunnel was open and leading to a white room. He ran towards the room and vanished instantly.
        Sabin quickly reached the castle and kicked the door in "brother!? brother where are you!?" there was no response. Sabin suddenly realized something, there was no fire. "Fool!" Gogo exclaimed suddenly "you fell for it and now you die". And with that Gogo began Bumrushing Sabin hitting him in every party of his body with massive force. Sabin couldn't deal with this punishment no matter how strong he felt he was and soon he was rolling down the stairs into the dungeon. "Now you will go to your friends may you all meet your grave in the past." Gogo then hefted Sabin's large,heavy, limp body over her shoulders and tossed him into the room where he disappeared as well.
      A dark figure appeared behind Gogo and said "Stormy have you fulfilled your mission?". "Yes lord Skorch" Stormy replied. "So the body i stole for you has proved useful?" he asked. "It has great power and can copy anything, it will be a great advantage for us" Stormy replied. "and now that those 11 fools have been trapped into that dimension, the only thing that can bring them back are the eight crystals of light and dark from the past" said Stormy "it is lucky for us that you destroyed them during the war of the magi as well as those fools who were the warriors of light from there time.".
"yes" the dark figure replied "Thier names were: Cecil, Kain, Rosa, Rydia, and Edge correct?" he asked. Stormy nodded for her reply and said "they were not powerful enough to stop you, only the light warriors of future and past united could imagine to stop you lord". "yes and now that the warriors of the future are sealed only the warriors of the past are left" he said with a quick smirk and then realized something "did you say 11?! that means two are still free! grrrrrrrrrrr! we must hurry to the past and destroy the crystals before the warriors are rescued by the remaining companions". Skorch then created a shimmering blue portal before himself and went through it pulling Stormy along.
          What they didn't realize is two figures were hiding in the dark and they knew what to do. "Sir Mog we must hurry, our friends are in danger. Perhaps we can find these "warriors of light" in the past to help us" Cyan said swiftly. "Kupo i think the portal can take us to the past. We have to hurry before it closes kupo!" Mog replied. Cyan and Mog gave each other a nervous glance and nodded then both ran through the portal to save thier friends and once again save the world.

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

League: Z3roHawk
Steam: Zero_Hawk
Wii U: Zero_Hawk
FF14 - Goblin - Zero Hawk <Fiend>

Now we take a twist to Kain   I'm pretty sure kain has blonde hair it shows him without his helm at the end of ff4 right? cant remember

Chapter 3
       He held his helmet in his left arm, his long blonde hair blowing in the wind. His training had been strenuous but not in vain, for he had realized something about Mt. Ordeals. Holy Knights weren't the only things that could be created. Mysidians said that paladins were to be created here for one reason. To protect, but Kain was overwhelming with curiousity and after 19 years of training, today was the day that he would become a Holy Dragoon. He already wielded holy equipment but he felt that it wasn't enough. He thirsted for power, and to right all the wrongs he had ever done. Now was the time for him to begin to make amends. He bowed his head for a moment his green eyes scanning the ground. "May this all not be in vain" he said to himself as he pulled his helm over his head.
        He entered the room slowly looking left and right then immediately noticing the giant mirror in which his reflection beamed darkly at him. A peaceful voice entered his mind "Kain my son you have taken after me and made me proud, you have one final task before i can give you true power. You must defeat your past self and rid yourself of all evil before you can become a Holy Dragoon.".
        At that moment the evil looking figure in the mirror came out and approached Kain spear drawn and evil gleam in his eye, many blood stains all over his spear. "Easy" Kain said as he grinned and drew his spear. "remember the way of the righteous for this battle" Kains father said. Kain nodded and began parrying his clones attacks. "Hold still so i can kill you!" the clone snarled at Kain as he stabbed at Kain and missed because Kain jumped backwards. "I will not strike you!" Kain suddenly blurted out as the clone embedded his spear in Kain's right arm. The clone grinned as Kain's blood trickled down the spear. "You can't win unless you fight back fool!" the clone said as he began to rip the spears tip down Kain's arm. Kain screamed in agony and repeated "I Shall not strike you!". "Very well" the clone said and then suddenly he burst into flames and was defeated.
        "Well done my son, you have earned this" said Kain's father. Kain became covered in a bright glowing light feeling all of his armor and clothes ripped away. The light began to burrow itself into Kain's body until he had absorbed all of it and became blessed. New clothing and armor began to form White armor with a black dragon head engraved into the chest that looked almost like it was going to leap out. Long white vambraces and gauntlets appeared on his arms in a flash. Each gauntlet had studded knuckles intracately inserted.His fullbody platemail ran down into his white greaves and silvery white boots. Around his head was a white bandana that gave off magical protection to his head. His long blonde hair blowing in the air. And before him his old spear floated but there was something different about it. It had a longer spear blade and emitted more holy energys, the handle now pure white.
       "I feel the power, and i thank you father..." Kain said "now i can return to baron and face my dear old friends Cecil and Rosa, how i have missed them". Kain suddenly felt a cold breeze and wondered how there could be a breeze in a closed room. Then he realized his armor felt heavier and noticed to gigantic wings attached to it each flapping and lifting his slightly into the air. Kain immediately gained control of them and rested them against his back. "Well at least it'll be a quick trip" he said and grinned to himself. Kain then left the room probably to never return and jumped into the air his massive wings now spread and flapping him into the air and towards Baron.
           The blue portal suddenly opened up into the room on mt. ordeals Skorch and Stormy walking through. "Hmmph we missed Kain, come let us make battle preperations, we shall attack Baron and start the war of the magi soon" Skorch said. Stormy nodded and they teleported to mysidia, where they would first start their reign of terror. Next out of the portal after Skorch and Stormy left were Cyan and Mog, the portal closing behind them.
             "Sir Mog" Cyan asked "Where are we?". "Kupo?" Mog replied as he shrugged "the past i think...".
"how do you know that" Cyan asked quickly. "kupo two reasons" Mog said "kupo first off i was paying attention to those skorch and stormy people and two....". "yes?" Cyan asked. "i feel my magic coming backupo....." Mog stated as he cast warp and teleported them to the entrance of Mt. Ordeals.

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

League: Z3roHawk
Steam: Zero_Hawk
Wii U: Zero_Hawk
FF14 - Goblin - Zero Hawk <Fiend>

Quote (Elena99 @ 29 Sep. 2002, 09:03)

An interesting start :-) I don't quite get how the world's are connected though. MorgueN: I actually wrote a fic a long time ago in which Gogo was a woman. It's still up in the CoN if you want to see, though badly written compared to my writing now.

really brilliant

What's brilliant? i have a bit of trouble making Cyan sound perfectly like he did in the game so bare with me please.


Chapter 4
          "Sir Mog..." Cyan asked "where shall we go from here?". "kupo I think I see a chocobo to the south, lets try to catch it to ride" Mog responded. Cyan nodded and they began to walk south towards the chocobo forest.
       "BWARK!!!" the chocobo yelled out as it ran from Cyan and Mog. "Come backupo!" Mog yelled as he dived at the chocobo. Mog landed on the chocobo and gave it a carrot that he found in the bushes. The chocobo submitted to Cyan and Mog and began taking them towards Mysidia.
         Meanwhile, Palom and Porom frantically scrambled back and forth rescuing townspeople and fighting off Stormy and Skorch. "Porom!!! They just destroyed the inn!" Palom shouted "Check for survivors, I'll fight em off!". Skorch then appeared before Palom, "Oh fight me off eh?" Skorch said as he sneered "prepare to die foolish mage!". Skorch then raised his arm into the air a long black broadsword appearing in his hand. Skorch begin to bring his sword down in a massively forceful swing at Palom, but before the sword made contact Kain had dived into Skorch, impaling him on his spear. Palom watched with disbelief as his friend from long ago begin moving the spear blade in an upward slicing motion and then slamming the blade back down across the rest of Skorch's body easily cutting him in half. Skorch's body began coming back together almost instantly a smirk forming on his lips. "Is THAT the best you've got?" Skorch said mockingly "well then i shall spare you, this time. next time you won't be so lucky". Skorch then snapped his fingers, Stormy instantly coming to his side. "Come Stormy, we leave" Skorch announced and then disappeared into thin air with Stormy.
          Cyan and Mog soon got to the town, setting the chocobo loose before entering. "Kupo, where is everyone?" Mog asked. "Shall we look for the mayor?" Cyan said curiously. Mog nodded and said "Kupo maybe its that big house at the end of town, at any rate this place looks pretty trashed. The inn is completely demolished". They slowly walked towards the elder's house looking left and right as they went for any signs of life. When they enter the elder's house they still saw no one but saw another room to go into. As they entered the room a barrage of magic flew at Mog whom was in front. Mog quickly cast reflect on himself, the magic flying right back at the caster.
           "Kupo, who's there!?" Mog yelled out "Kupo, we don't want to fight!". "Sir Mog, isn't that one of the crystals those two fiends were talking about?" Cyan asked. "Kupo i think it is! we need to find them all to rescue our friends". Kain stepped out and asked "So you are after the crystals? do you seek to obtain thier power as well?". "What powers?" Cyan asked. "Hmmph playing dumb i see" Kain said "But i won't allow you to possess them!". Kain then wielded his massive spear and leaped into the air. "METEO!" Palom shouted as meteo was cast upon Mog and Cyan. Mog was hit with great force by the spell and almost collapsed, but then leaned on his spear and cast Life 3, a spell not known to this era. Cyan felt nothing at all for the spell missed him, but he began casting quick. Kain dived down impaling Mog on his spear, then pulling it back and gliding to his original spot. Mog fell over dead, but came instantly back to life. "Quick!" Cyan exclaimed as all time, except himself had been frozen momentarily. Cyan then cast another spell not discovered in this time, a massively powerful spell known as Ultima. "Ultima!" Cyan yelled, the spells energy force growing larger damaging Kain and Palom to near unconciousness.
            Quick wore off Kain and Palon kneeling in pain. "W-who are you people?" Kain asked weakly disbelieving the duo's magical abilities. Cyan bowed "sorry I had to do that sir, but you left me with little choice, I am Cyan Garamonde retainer to Doma". "Kupo i'm Mog the moogle" Mog added. "Why do you seek the crystals?" Kain asked, now testing out his new healing magic on Palom and himself. "Our friends have been sealed in another dimension and the only way to save them is to retrieve the crystals of light and dark"Cyan said. "Wait, Doma? I have traveled the world and have never heard of a Doma Kingdom" Kain said. "Tis a long story sir" Cyan replied. "Well I would like to hear this story before i consider helping you" Kain said. "Then i suppose we shall tell it" Cyan responded.

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

League: Z3roHawk
Steam: Zero_Hawk
Wii U: Zero_Hawk
FF14 - Goblin - Zero Hawk <Fiend>

This is a work which displays many positives, but also many negatives.

I won't really go into a lot of detail with regard to the good things I noticed.  If you're anything like me, you don't want people telling you what you can do, but what you can't do.  That way, you know what you need to work on.  I'll just say that there is a creative idea behind all of this.  The interesting plot twist in the second chapter, for example, shows a wealth of imagination.  This is the starting point for any developing writer.  You also have a talent for word-choice; there aren't many repetitive passages or boring words in your story.

Now, there are a lot of problems with the prose itself.  As I read through your story, I noticed that the narrative is very 'choppy' and separated, almost too conversational in its tone.  For example, in chapter one, Sabin meets Gogo and they leave the tower ruins together, and then next to nothing is told of their trip to Figaro.  You just say that "weeks went by..." and "The two continued on defeating all the monsters who got in there way until they reached figaro..."  You can get away with skipping a large period of time, but it's hard.  I am not very good at it myself, and it shows in some of my work when I try to do it.  Try to fill in some of that space; describe one of their battles against a monster!

Your grammar could also use some work, I'm afraid.  Your spelling is generally good, excepting a few typos here and there, and you seem to have a good sense of sentence structure and how to use verbs properly, but the story is full of errors in punctuation.  I will take a short paragraph from your story and copy it below in italics.  Then, I will rewrite it in bold, and repair as many of the mistakes as I can:

Yours:  What they didn't realize is two figures were hiding in the dark and they knew what to do. "Sir Mog we must hurry, our friends are in danger. Perhaps we can find these "warriors of light" in the past to help us" Cyan said swiftly. "Kupo i think the portal can take us to the past. We have to hurry before it closes kupo!" Mog replied. Cyan and Mog gave each other a nervous glance and nodded then both ran through the portal to save thier friends and once again save the world.

Mine:  They didn't realize that there, hiding in the dark, were two figures.
    "Sir Mog, we must hurry!  Our friends are in danger! Perhaps we can find these 'warriors of light' in the past to help us," Cyan said swiftly.
    "Kupo!  I think the portal can take us to the past. We have to hurry before it closes!  Kupo!" replied Mog.
    Cyan and Mog gave each other a nervous glance and nodded, then they both ran through the portal to save thier friends and, once again, the world.

That's just the way I would have done it.  I don't mean to say that my style is better than yours.  My point is that proper punctuation makes a story much easier to read, understand, and enjoy.

That's the crux of it.  As I said, the story itself seems good.  The problems all have to do with how it is written.  Your main concern should be to work on improving your grammar.  There are a number of ways to do this.  You could study grammar books, but I find that to be a very difficult way to learn.  When I realized that I needed to improve my grammar, I started reading more.  Reading a lot of novels by professional writers whose work has passed through a professional editor is a fantastic way to improve your writing; some of that great stuff is bound to rub off on you as you read!

All in all, I think this is a story with a lot of potential.  Try to work on some of the things I pointed out, and it'll only get better!  

I can't wait for the next chapter!

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Always hopeful, yet discontent; he knows changes aren't permanent --
But change is!

Been a couple of days since i added a new chapter, sorry all just havnt been feeling well had a migraine all week. Oh well heres the next chapter   oh yeah it's been a while so i forgot which crystals are where i think mysidia has the crystal of water right?

Chapter 5
         "Kupo, and thats what happened" Mog said finishing the story. "Interesting" Kain said "So then you are from the future and need the crystals to rescue your friends?". Cyan and Mog nodded blankly. Kain nodded to Palom, Palom then left to fetch the crystal of water. Palom returned quickly with the crystal giving it to Cyan, whom placed it in his sack.
     "So this is one of the Legendary Crystals destroyed in the war of the magi?" Cyan asked curiously. "I guess, if you story is true" Palom commented as Porom entered. "Will defeating Skorch stop the war?" Porom asked hopefully. "Kupo, we can't say... most records of the war were destroyed" Mog said "Kupo, most that weren't had little to no information really". "interesting..." Kain said "Hmm lets go to Baron now, we can get Cecil to help...". Mog and Cyan nodded, everyone now walking toward serpent's road. "What is this Contraption?" Cyan asked. "It's a magical portal from Mysidia to Baron, you may feel slightly drained of energy." Kain said as he stepped over the portal and disappeared. Porom and Palom followed him into the portal and disappeared as well. "Is it safe?" Cyan asked. Mog shrugged and stepped onto the portal disappearing into the light. Cyan muttered for a moment and reluctantly followed.
         When Cyan appeared through the portal the others had gone to search the city which was in flames, many buildings destroyed. The building in which Serpent road was, had crumbled around the magical portal. Cyan began exploring the town as well, he had not seen anyone yet but a body that was beaten and bloody, thrown against a wall. The figure had silvery hair, a holy aura emitting from him. Cyan felt sympathetic and fixed him up with cure 3. The figure awoke slowly "H-Hawk?..." he asked weakly. "No sir, my name is Cyan" Cyan replied helping the figure up. "I'm sorry.. you look just like my son Hawk only you're quite a bit older..." the person said "oh i'm sorry i havn't introduced myself, The name is Cecil Harvey King of Baron. I know everyone in this town and you are a new face Cyan". "Cecil!" Kain shouted as he ran to him "What happened here? the place is a wreck!". "This odd looking man going by the name of Skorch and a woman in colorful clothing named Stormy came through here wrecking the town!"  Cecil said "Hawk, Edgar, Rosa, and I tried to stop him but he was too powerful". "He beat all four of you?!" Kain asked "He's stronger than i thought....". "Something must be done" Cyan agreed. "Shall we head to the castle to talk?" Cecil inquisitively asked "and perhaps you can tell me who this fellow and the little white thing are". Kain nodded and the group began walking to the castle. "Palom! Porom! C'mon!" Kain shouted before leaving. Palom and Porom ran to catch up.
            The castle was not in much better condition, it was almost completely destroyed. "Oh god no!" Cecil yelled as he saw the damage "I hope everyone got away safely...".  "Hmm... do you hear something?" Kain asked as a loud noise entered the air, the ground shaking slightly. "The Falcon!" Palom yelled as he pointed up at a big red plane with a drill twirling on the front. Edge walked to the side of the ship, waving to the group and tossing down a rope ladder. The 6 began climbing up the rope 2 at a time, Cecil and Kain, Palom and Porom, and last Cyan and Mog. "Who's the wierd guy and the furry midget?" Edge asked. "Kupo!! Thats MOOGLE!!!" Mog yelled at Edge, giving him a dirty look.
"That's the same look Rydia gave me, the first time I asked her out!" Edge exclaimed. Cecil and Kain looked between the two and began laughing heartily. Cyan snickered to himself knowing Mog may look cute, but is a force to be reckoned with. "Well i think he's cute" Porom said stroking Mog softly. Palom sighed and thought "Boy this is gonna be a long day...". "It's a long story about those two" Kain finally said. "But what are you doing here?". "Well two warrios going by the names of Skorch and Stormy have been destroying town after town looking for the "Light Warriors" and the crystals so far they have the crystal of earth as far as i know" Edge said "Some of the people i rescued are resting in the beds on the lower level, Rydia, Rosa, Yang, and Cid i believe... Now tell me whats going on". Mog than began telling his and Cyan's story to Edge and Cecil as well as the whole situation.

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

League: Z3roHawk
Steam: Zero_Hawk
Wii U: Zero_Hawk
FF14 - Goblin - Zero Hawk <Fiend>

This story is still cool. Elena99 I read your story and it kicked butt.

I'm banned!



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" In light the darkness covers, in dark light reveals"

Qouted by AnubisUndead

Thanks Morguen :-) It's nice to hear that something I wrote when I was...15 I think, is still good :-)

Anyway, ZH...took me a while to catch up here. I noticed you're progressively adding more detail, good job :-) And Cyan is ALWAYS tricky to get right. There's no actual real way to write him, since he doesn't even really speak proper old english to begin with. It's like a mock old english. Anyway, seems to be going well so far, fic wise. Keep up the good work ^-^

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

your welcome Elena

ZH also if you can get your hands on the King James version of the bible you have alot of Mr Thou dialect inside there.