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Ok, this is a serious story of Final Fantasy VII. It's only up until Guard Scorpion so far, it will probably have some spelling mistakes, and does alter it slightly. But it's a start. I might add more on later. Any one who has read my... insane Kefka story will be surprised to find I actually wrote this.

~~~~~~~Nobody Likes Mako Reactors~~~~~~~

Another typical train arrival occurred at the Sector 7 Mako Reactor. The only real difference between the normal arrivals and this one is that the train’s staff had all been rudely thrown off by a particular group of renegades, who, in quite a few peoples’ minds, are the saviours of the planet. But anyway, back to the train; by the amazing skills of Wedge, the vehicle jerked and almost derailed, but managed to park just before the electrical lasers would chop up the behemoth of metal. But it didn’t really matter considering the army of guards that were stationed on the station. Although, it had to be said, their MK3 Law Pistols weren’t really effective: more annoying than anything. Jesse and Biggs operated the train’s swivel guns, one of which Jesse had recently tinkered with to fire electricity. This had quite a shocking effect on all the guards, who all but two were incapacitated. They just pretended to be, although were shaking so much, it was nigh-on impossible to hide their consciousness. Cloud promptly slammed his Buster Sword’s edge on to their heads, which totally stunned them. Cloud felt a growth around him, as if he had just grown stronger, like this whole mission thing was a important event. Which needless to say, was the case.

While the rest of the gang ran on towards the Mako Reactor, Cloud briefly checked two of the guards' pockets, and found two Potions, which holds a diluted remedial fluid, capable of restoring flesh to wounds quickly, and removing some pain. A useful tonic, and widely available for low prices.

Cloud then followed the guerrilla force, past some streets, and into the Mako Reactor’s forecourt. There he had a brief rapport with the leader, Barret.
“Let’s move!” Barret ordered. “You better not try any funny stuff,” he then followed.
“Better keep tabs on me then,” Cloud shrugged.
“Wisen up, Shin-Ra lapdog, you wanna skip back to Lollypop Lane? You do that any time you like,” Barret aggressively stated.
“Let’s get on with it,” Cloud said unperturbed.
After much scowling by Barret, the group moved on to an elevator, which they, unsurprisingly, elevated with.

“Why you here then?” Barret interrogated Cloud.
“The job. 2000Gil for just blowing up something is something that attracts me,” Cloud answered.
“You used to work for Shin-Ra, why did you turncoat?” Barret questioned.
“You don’t trust me?”
“No,” Barret blatantly stated.
“Fair enough. Well, a) they pay was low, and here was..." Cloud was interrupted.
“Ok, lift’s open! The guards’ll be swarming everywhere, so look out!” Jesse warned.
“Ok, move out!” Barret ordered again.

Jesse was as right as a normal swordsman (or woman), at least fifty guards, each armed with beam-stunning weapons, were guarding an access corridor to the main reactor. Luckily, a Sweeper (manned machine) was located relatively close to an air duct, and could be easily overridden. Cloud and Barret snuck through the shaft, almost getting stuck due to Barret’s big rear, and stealthily incapacitated the driver of the Sweeper. Then the fun started: Cloud firstly activated the W-Machine Guns to destroy a ceiling gas duct, and then created a fiery inferno by exploding the particularly volatile gas, and quickly, a deathly fire swept across the room like wildfire. This removed the threat of this floor. Well, all except the Auto-Rocket Launcher Platform that protruded from the ceiling. Cloud decided it would be a good idea to jump out of the machine. Which was indeed, where upon 3.65 seconds later the mean temperature of the interior of the Sweeper increased by over 2000 Kelvin. A piece of shrapnel flung itself in the direction of the lift, which coincidentally damaged the power supply.
"Ok guys, I'm gonna need to do some repairs on the lift to get it started! You go on; and don’t do something stupid like dying!” Jesse stated.

Barret and Cloud manoeuvred through the pipes and onto a walkway leading to the main reactor. A small green ball, roughly the same size and spherical as a spherical quartz. A peculiar item it is, Cloud decided, and so added it to his personal inventory, to the annoyance of Barret.

The two protagonists of this daring escapade moved to the control panel of the core of the Mako extractor.
“Ok, plant the bomb there. Remember the code?” Barret asked.
“Yes.” Cloud returned with little emotion.
He approached the designated spot, and attempted to set the E-Bomb.
However when he started to place it, he shook uncontrollably, not out of fear, not of the thought of innocent death, but of an otherworldly, meta-power force.
Our hero valiantly refused to succumb to this unknown thing, and then placed the explosive on the actual reactor itself.

Unfortunately, the automatic bomb sensor activated a door carrying a big mechanical scorpion, and the both of the AVALANCHE members concluded that it wasn’t looking for a tea party.

“Scoping!” was the word said in a voice akin to that of a Dalek shouting “Exterminate!” This heralded the fact that the guard scorpion was scanning the area for a hostile opponent and would initiate an assault against them. ‘Twas Barret that the mechanised stinger sensed first, and prepared to initiate a snipe on. Cloud for the first time introduced his antagonist to the power of Materia, and after a quick mental surge, unleashed a bolt of lightning which temporarily stunned the metal-framed invertebrate. The jolt also caused it to fire its extremely speedy and dangerous sniper gun, and also swing its tail in a full 360 degree roundhouse swoop. Luckily, the former attack hit a wall, however the latter proved to be almost fatal by a mere arm’s length, almost decapitating the holder of the machine-gun-arm, Barret.
“You like metal? I hope not!” Barret taunted, and started to fire bullets from his gun-arm, which damaged the reactor-guarder, but did not penetrate its thick, Kevlar M2 armour.

Feel free to reply. Constructively, please.

This post has been edited by Franz Kefka Palaazo on 12th October 2005 17:50

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You say I'm weird: you're the person who is exited when you kick a leather testicle into a net.

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Kill me, or else you a murderer!

Very nice, I can't find fault with the story itself, unfortuneatly, I can find possible fault in a few smal things, but I'm no expert on those things.

Anyway, fairly decent albiet common concept: in-game event rewrittend, tweaked and adjusted to be a bit more intersting in the writers, and in this case, the reader's eyes. I can't say I'm surprised by the fact you write good serious dramatic/action pieces becuase you write okay zany stuff. I've ran into more than one person who writes quite seriously on one hand and utterly bloody bonkers on the other, and most of them have been British too. Must be this island.


Onto the tiny niggles (Spelling/grammer can go hang becuase mine ain't too hot neither) and the first is that some of the langauge is a bit odd: It gives the kind of impression that the AVALANCHE guys are arrogant and heartless, with narration regarding firarms as an annoyance, and the killing of enemies as 'fun'.

I think you should stress the BLUNT edge of the Buster Sword was used, because methinks the other end might do more than stunning...

I am assuming the double meaning of the bomb's name may have been intended?

One last thing: An international audience doesn't know what a Dalek is (poor deprived Americans) so despite the fact that anyone in Britian will know instantly what you mean by Dalek, they won't. Mind you, it is in the dictionary now... but nonetheless, using 'robotic' voice would be more internationally friendly, but meh, their loss not knowing what a Dalek is.

Anyway, good stuff bar those little things, and hopefully it continues.

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"Only the dead have seen the end of their quotes being misattributed to Plato."
-George Santayana

"The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here..."
-Abraham Lincoln, prior to the discovery of Irony.

Right, fair enough. To those (adjective-noun) people who don't understand what a Dalek is:

Dalek: A cyber pepperpot that shouts exterminate and exterminates xenocidally. Or look it up on www.wikipedia.org .

I didn't mean the F-Bomb, that was an accidental, crude mistake.

The stunning with the sword can be seen as meant to be like that, so that the reader can change the violence setting to the liking.

Oh, and any antidisestablishmentarian who states that GRAMMAR AND SPELLING can go to hell are oxymorinic politions.(??)

May Kefka have mercy on your Yesyes board. Noticed that a Ouija board is made up of oui and ja?

Blame that one!



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You say I'm weird: you're the person who is exited when you kick a leather testicle into a net.

Quote

Kill me, or else you a murderer!

Well after re-reading this, I have to say that you have a good sense of humor, particularly for realizing the funny effects and makeup of materia and potions. When you're playing they don't seem like a big deal, but when analyzed, they're...funny in themselves. I can appreciate that. A reference to Kelvin; to useless law pistols? Awesome.

Some things I stumbled over (besides the oft-picked-at grammar):

• While most of the wording is in jest, it occassionally makes no sense. Example: the "door carrying" the Guard Scorpion
• The speech is kind of bland; but, since it's fairly bland in-game, there's no harm done. I only mention it because it's the only part that didn't really make me laugh. For a fanfic where you take the liberty of making up events, make up some wisecracking speech, too, maybe.
• Real-world references. Nothing big, but I know I would understand things better if, say, instead of a Dalek, you say a "Shinra speech box" or something that sounds better than the suggestion I just had. Same for the Kevlar armor--it just keeps the story's feel in the game's atmosphere.

Having said that, I love the title a lot and I believe it basically gives the story a jovial "tune" from the start. If you think about it, what've those reactors done to anyone...except kill the planet they live on? One more thing:

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felt a growth around him, as if he had just grown stronger

I laughed 'cause I thought this was your spin on Cloud leveling up. If so, good stuff.



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It's gonna be a glorious day
I feel my luck can change

Thanks, albeit yes/no. Just so you know, I will not be doing this every time.

Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Septhiroth!
Septhiroth!
Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Septhiroth!
Septhiroth!
Sors- immanis et innais.
Sors- immanis et innais.
Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Estuans interis ira vehementi.
Septhiroth!
Septhiroth!
Veni, veni, venias.
Ne me mori facias.
Veni, veni, venias.
Ne me mori facias.
Veni, veni, venias.
Ne me mori facias.
Veni, veni, venias.
Ne me mori facias.
Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa.
Ne me mori facias. Genrisoa.
Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa.
Ne me mori facias. Genrisoa.
Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa.
Ne me mori facias. Genrisoa.
Veni, veni, venias. Gloriosa.
Ne me mori facias. Genrisoa.
Septhiroth!
Septhiroth!
Ah...ah..ah.ahhhhhhh!
SEPTHIROTH!

Hm..... that was un-summoned for... Albeit no?

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You say I'm weird: you're the person who is exited when you kick a leather testicle into a net.

Quote

Kill me, or else you a murderer!