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Well, found out a little while ago that my 4-year-old nephew's grandfather (on his dad's side) died. He'd been put on hospice just yesterday, so he passed away in his home. My nephew and him were pretty close, apparently. Like best friends, even. Thing is, no one knows exactly how to break the news to the little guy. He's supposed to stay with his grandparents this coming weekend (it's already been decided that it's best if he doesn't attend the funeral) and he'll expect to spend time with his grandpa - something he always looked forward to. I know kids his age are kinda oblivious to the whole concept of death and all, but he needs to know what happened. He's pretty smart for his age, though, but also pretty sensitive. In fact, he spent a few hours with his grandpa yesterday and was all excited to see that he was finally home instead of in the hospital. I don't know how he'll react to the news.

So does anyone, especially those of you with kids/nephews/nieces/etc., have any tips on what to say/do? Everyone's afraid it'll be too much for him to handle, and I'll admit I'm sorta ignorant when it comes to these things. I don't really wanna get him too upset (not like that can really be avoided); it'll be the first time he's had to deal with something like this. Any advice's appreciated.

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Words of Wisdom:

If something can go wrong, it will.

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. - Murphy’s Law

Boing! Zoom! - Mr. Saturn

Unfortunately, there's no way to really avoid it. If he goes there, doesn't see his grandfather, and no one will break the news, he'll still be upset and distressed.

Tell him gently, when he's around people he trusts. If his family is Christian, tell him about heaven, or wherever his family believes the dead go to in the afterlife. It's a shame that he has to learn about death and lose his grandfather when he's so young, but he will grieve and then be alright after a while.

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

I wouldn't talk about it unless he brought it up and wanted to talk about it. Treat him like you always do. See if he wants to play videogames or go outside and play with you or whatever... If he wants to talk or ask questions about it, he will bring it up to you... and that's generally better than "forcing" the conversation on someone.

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Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill them.

~Pacifist Badge, 1978

You said it best yourself. There is no real way to avoid it.

Personally I don't think it should be avoided. Like Hamedo said, if the kid asks be honest with him. Its not going to help him or your relationship with him by lying to him or dancing around the subject.

This post has been edited by Rujuken on 16th February 2005 01:55

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-- You're Gonna Carry That Weight --

I agree. You should tell him fast. I read this pamphlet at a funeral home recently about how to help kids deal with death and euphymystic language confuses the child. He needs to know death is not reversable, and like it has been said- If your family believes in some sort of concept of Heaven or an Afterlife, tell him his grandpa is in a better place. The sooner he knows the sooner he can begin to get over it.
Time Heals all wounds

This post has been edited by MogMaster on 16th February 2005 02:07

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If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be right to wait and tell him at the last minute. His mom (my sister) was gonna drop him off here tomorrow, so hopefully we can break it to him then. Not forcefully, of course. I'm not really religious, but my sister and his grandma are, so I'm sure they can explain those details if he wants to know. The sooner, the better, I suppose.

Thanks, all.

--------------------

Words of Wisdom:

If something can go wrong, it will.

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. - Murphy’s Law

Boing! Zoom! - Mr. Saturn