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I was figuring to reply to ME's thread about parental problems, when it occured to me I really didn't have a leg to stand on. My parents split right after I was born. If that ever affected me, it was never on a consious level. Only thing I can think of is that I don't have a father. I have a stepdad I've known all my life, never callled him dad. My real dad's never been more than a half hours drive away, but I only saw him during family get togethers. He's basically an uncle really.

Anyway, ME's post showed that quite a few people have had parental splits, and I'm curious to know how it's affected them, if at all. For myself:

Save for a few small moments in my memory, I didn't really care about why my folks split up until after I graduated high school. I tried living with my dad and his family for a short while, but that didn't work. During that time I found out a lot (well, more than I knew before) about what happened and how everyone felt about it. Most of my dad's family don't think my mom raised me right, but they're just as mad at my dad for basically severing himself from me. Mom never told me why she was so pissed at him, but I can think of few justifiable reasons (he once told me that he told her he'd leave her if she ever got fat).

Basically it all ended up being neat trivia and little else, but the whole reason I went looking for answers was really just curiosity.

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Ehh, my parents got divorced when I was four or five because my dad did drugs and drank and beat my mom up all the time, I can vividly remember a couple of times, probably part of what messed up my childhood. After that I didn't see my dad as much, and my mom got a new boyfriend so she started dumping me off on my grandma. She's still with the same boyfriend, and I guess I resent my grandmother in a way for trying to be a mother and father to me because my parents were never there for me.

My dad's family associated with me sometimes, but they're just really really weird. And because of them all i've had a very bad life, I also inherited some problems like bi-polar and manic-depression and for me not to kill myself has been just one struggle after another. I became suicidal when I was five and lashed out at people trying to stab them with steak knives because a lot of problems happened, and everything was my fault. I survived it somehow, and while it's made me a stronger person I feel, I also feel it's made me numb to certain things, and that it's made me a colder person than I should be which worries me, especially since I did want to have a family some day, or at least get married because the prospect of love was always pleasing. A few years ago I started hyperventilating and almost choked to death because my grandmother told me nobody loved me, and my father especially hated me. Half a year ago I nearly killed myself because of problems with my mother who I feel has been neglectful to my all my life because she is more attentive and loving towards her boyfriend, so I had to spend a day at a clinic. And here I am, a stronger, smarter, but colder person. I know people have had experiences like or worse than mine, but it was still bad to me and I don't wish it onto anyone.

So basically, the older I get, the better I get, but the less caring I get. It seems to be. I also become a bit more of an asshole with every passing year, sadly. Damn violent moodswings. :\

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This one time I punched a bear in the forehead TO DEATH! I still have the scars on my chest. I am the manliest man that ever did man.

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My parents were done when I turned 8.

Story goes ... My mom and dad were both in the Navy, thus how they met. When they were married, my dad convinced my mom to retire from the Navy to become a fulltime housewife and mom, which she says was the best job she ever had. But the Navy was taking its toll on my mom, moving through 6 cities in 7 years. And I guess for a couple of those years in Maryland, my dad had cheated on my mom. Cut and dry, really.. no secrets or unbelievable events. Shortly after that, us 3 kids moved to New Hampshire with my mom while my dad stayed in Maryland for another year, retired from the Navy and moved up to Connecticut ... (and just recently, moved to southern Florida)

How it's effected me... If I can be blatantly honest, I really think it actually moved my life in a better direction than what it could've ended up being. But that's only after so long.. now looking back over a span of 10 years. I was 8 when it happened, and I remember being demolished by it... I couldn't stop crying. It was to the third hour or so of crying that I thought my tears would somehow make my dad change his mind. Negatory on that.
I don't have a lot of memories of my parents actually together though. I have plenty of memories from that time frame, but not a whole lot of them as a couple. I guess I've just completely subconsciously blocked that part of my life out. I really enjoyed moving from there to here, despite how I complain about it. And my dad and I have a great father-son relationship, even though we see each other limited amounts of time every year. Though I've never really opened up to my step-mom. I really have nothing against her. Like I said, I've blocked out the memories of my mom and dad together so it's not like I hate her for stealing my dad or something. And she doesn't really act like she tries to be my mom, so that's the reason either. I just never have truly opened up to her. Might never either, but that's life.

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"When I turn the page
The corner bends into the perfect dog ear
As if the words knew I'd need them again
But at the time, I didn't see it."

~"This Ain't a Surfin' Movie" - Minus the Bear

Well, count me as another member of the population of the city Splitsville. Its not realy such a bad place for me though, better then the alternative most certainly. I won't go into that though as it's a long, involved, boring and most importantly, personal story. Anyway, being raised by a single parent without siblings doesn't realy feel near as lonely to me as most people think I should be. Why should I be lonesome anyway? I've got plenty of friends and my one loving family member. That's more then enough for me.
Besides, it leaves me plenty of time to think and ponder on things, practice my current hobbies and learn new things. If I know anything about my own character, I'd also say I've been raised as a good, independant person. I try to help others when I can and usualy don't expect much, if anything, in return. I wish others well and give advice if I know anything about the subject of their concern. Of course, I've got character flaws but so does everybody. If you don't belive me, name one person you know who doesn't?

However, there are only two things that bothers me about not having both parents. One of these is when people ask me "Do you ever wonder what it would feel like?". My answer is "No. I don't ever wonder what it would have felt like." Of course, nobody ever just leaves it at that but its the truth. It annoys me when people ask me that because have better things to do with my time then discuss that with somebody who doesn't get it. In short, I just feel normal with just one as most people feel with both. It's just as simple as that. Why can't people belive my perfectly logical reasoning? The other thing that bothers me about being raised by a single parent has to do after these very discussions. That would be is that after I'm done talking about this very subject, to the people mentioned in the above paragraph, they have a funny look in their face. Its a silent look of disbelief and confusion. I can tell what these people are thinking. It would be along "Oh no, that mustn't be true. He's just hiding behind a shell.", "Huh?" or something of the like. Basicly, I don't like wasting my time for nothing or being counted as a statistic.

In short, it just doesn't bother me, its the people who bring it up like its an issue that do. The same thing goes for being a single child sometimes but not nearly as often as the parental issue. Meh, I'm tapped and I bet nobody's even going to read this far into my post. Good night guys, I'm up far too late right now and need some sleep. See you guys tomarrow, "ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz".

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Role reversal at its finest.

My parents split up when I was 7, so I don't remember much of it either. Just a couple incidents of fighting, and one instance of the police coming and taking my dad away. I was a pretty introverted, well-behaved kid, but I was told the year after they split up I had a rougher time in school, until I started going to the school's divorce counselor.

My dad always lived close and I saw him on most weekends, plus he tried to stay involved in my life by driving me to basketball games and whatnot. But as I grew older I started realizing what a messed up thing he'd done to our family, not being there and being inconsistent with child support and everything, so I started modeling myself to not be like him. This is why I don't drink to this day.

My father passed away when I was 18. It hit me hard, but not too hard, especially since my best friend had just died a few months earlier. But after it happened I could only remember the good times before the divorce, or when my dad had his stuff together. Overall it didn't affect me as much as it could have, but it definately had an impact in my life.

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Hip-Hop QOTW:

"Yeah, where I'ma start it at, look I'ma part of that
Downtown Philly where it's realer than a heart attack
It wasn't really that ill until the start of crack
Now it's a body caught every night on the Almanac"

"Game Theory"
The Roots

Back in, oh 7th or 8th grade, the peculiarities that had seemed to start existing within my father- IE coming home friday and not leaving his room til monday, struck my mother as odd, so she happened to find his little stash of Heroin. This also explained our rapidly depleting bank accounts, lack of food, and inability to pay a mortgage on a 60k per year combined income. So she layed an elaborate ambush with cops and the whole shebang involved and we got him tossed out of the house on his arse.

One messy divorce later, I found myself less one father but alot happier as the fighting had finally stopped, and his emotional anchor no longer was attactched to our legs. Fast forward til oh....3 months ago when he finally put the shit down after going in pretty fucking deep with some bloke from the westside. This is skipping alot of emotional trauma along the way but yeah. I consider it all part of the divorce and the seperation since the day i discovered his smack use was the day he got kicked out. All in all it was a messy 5 year thing.

The effect its had on me is to make me far more sociopathic, antisocial, but also alot tougher and sardonic. Actually I'm alot happier to be without a father, especially that guy because even sober he's fucked up. We still talk but hes like a shadow of a man really living in his mothers basement between AA and NA meetings. Good for him I guess, but thats a bravo for a recovering junky, not my dad.

This post has been edited by MogMaster on 10th February 2005 22:15

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If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

T'was really my stepfather I referred to in my topic, my bad for not mentioning that. Anyway, my real parents split up when I was 12. I was too young to know how to react, so, to put it simply, I didn't. I tried my best to shut it from my mind and forget about it. Apparently he was going around having affairs all over the place, and he wasn't a real nice chap anyway, losing his temper all the time. He was, to put it simply, an a**hole. I was quite glad to be rid of him. But the troubles didn't end there. Years after, he still expected me to go out and see him in the weekends, which I was quite reluctant to do, since I figured he wasn't worth my time anyway. So I did whatever I could to avoid it. I feigned sickness. I said I had work to do. Appointments with friends that were high-priority. I still saw him a hell of a lot more than I should have, but he, apparently, didn't think so. He kept complaining to my mother about all kinds of crap, accusing her of hiding me from him and stuff. Once he even threatened to sue her. So I went and saw him more often, hiding my hate, bearing with the fact that I was practically wasting my youth with this old, bad tempered sack of fat. Soon, however, we moved. Far away.

And that's where I stand now. My mother re-married. Far from the past. Things wre good. But the two of them soon began to argue. A lot. Every weekend, I'd hear them at it. They even did it on Christmas eve. Then the crisis happened, which I explained in my previous topic. They're staying in separate rooms, isolated, never talking. I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I'm starting to think that it may be better if they just split up. Both of them are considering it. I suppose I'll just have to let time decide.

My mom and dad just couldn't get along. I tried to keep my emotions blank when it happened, about half a decage ago, so I wasn't particularly affected by it.

If anything, all I got out of it was a cynicism for the whole marriage thing, but I'm still optimistic.

...Most of the time...

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began