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I must say that I'm rather conwused about the way we are supposed to fanfiction: posting it indthe Sitq Submission forum seems more li*e showing it to the rest of the5board then actually showing it to the maintainers of this site and asking them to upload it on the site. Also, a forum post isn't the greatest way to post a larger piece of fanfiction. It doesn't read very nicely, and the lay-out of a forum has a feeling of unofficialness to it. Somehow, you just don't expect to read good stories when it's posted on a forum.

'Nuff rambled.

This is my latest work, and it's my best (as far as I'm concerned). This is my answer (vocalized trough the lovely Terra) on the question of Why? What’s thedmeaning of life? In a deadly race against an infinite clock, Terra pursuits the answer. Love? N0rcism. Humor? Agressiono No answer she finds seems enough. Learn more about me by reading this. It starts off like a rather unusual story, and has a sudden and rather unexpected change of plot in the middle. I can still really enjoy reading it myself, so I both think and hope you'll do too. Review is vital and much appreciated. The amounts of responses to another one of my stories were dissapointing, and I want to make clear that I'm glad for all positive feedback, but can learn more from negative feedback.

Edit

But…..I don’t have the answer

Sabin stood and fired into the mass under him. Aurabolt. Aurabolt. An Exocite crawled up the wall, Scissors ready. Aurabolt. He wiped the sweat from his eyes, and saw a Pterodon coming. Aurabolt. Gilomatis. Aurabolt.
He fired with his mind, not with his hands, like master Duncan had taught him. "I fire with my mind!", he roared into the crowds of the never-ending reaches of his opponents, "I fire with my mind, scum!" Then he heard the sound of the horn, blowing the signal of defeat and humiliation. His brother’s yell from behind.

"Retreat! Retreat, for the Gods’ sake! Retreat!"

A black Bomb approached. "Grenade", he thought, "May the Gods help me, a Grenade." Sabin fired with his mind, Aurabolt after Aurabolt. The Grenade took one, recoiled, approached and evaded the next. Sabin kicked it down, under the wall he was standing on: the Southern Defense Wall of Narshe. Then all thoughts of names, confused and hasty, were banned from his mind when the Grenade exploded. Pain flared in his legs, and the wall caved in. Sabin went down in the monsters, grasping for something to hold on to but failing.

"Edgar, no!" Terra. Edgar ran for his brother, unarmed and enraged. He grabbed a sword lying around, and jumped from the Southern Defense Wall of Narshe to save his brother. He crashed in the snow, his sword crashed into the skull of another Pterodon. Sabin was kicking, fighting like a tiger. Edgar fought his way to his brother. Oh, gods of hell and heaven, this was bad. The amount was terrible. All was lost, but maybe when he reached Sabin, maybe…if he reached Sabin, they would stand for all eternity, maybe.

Edgar was coming, and Sabin sent a thing he vaguely recognized flying with a kick. Immediatly, something horrible and liquid was on him. Those damned LIQUID monsters, resistent to kicking and punching and even resistent to Aurabolt. Desperately, Sabin tried to get it off, but the slime oozing from the monster’s belly was growing hard. In a moment, he would be unable to move, let alone to escape this hell-hole. "Sabin, cover!" Fire exploded, leaving everything around him burned, the monster burned, himself untouched by the flames. "All hail to the Flame Rod!", Edgar said, panting in half-a-second of pause "All hail to the Red Jacket! Now come on!" Sabin pulled his brother with him. The brothers ran from the monsters knowing both the same thing. There was nowhere to go at all. Gate sealed. Entrance to Narshe’s surroundings packed with monsters.
Those were the only ways out of this mess. They were lost, bloody DEAD they were, and running wasn’t going to do shit about that.

"The Secret Entrance, brother!" Sabin and Edgar ran, jumped, evaded. Fighting was impossible, there was only the evading of monsters. It was a rush of colours and moving objects, tails and beaks that meant to hurt them. That meant to kill them, more specifically. "What?" "The Secret Entrance!" And Edgar followed Sabin. Opening the Secret Entrance would be dumb. No, not precisely: that would be the dumbest thing either of them would do in their lives. The monsters would follow them in there, and Narshe’s only hope was it’s limited amounts of borders with plain ground. They would bring down Narshe in doing so. Edgar ran after his brother to stop him, not to escape with him. They would die here, but opening the Secret Entrance would mean dying in a short while with the town of Narshe fallen. "Sabin! Stop! They’ll follow!" Sabin did not hear that. Edgar jumped over a plant, in the middle of the chaos, but the plant…

Sabin saw the plant, (known as Uroburos Vulgaris by Figaro scholars) jank out it’s vines and take Edgar down. Edgar fell. Sabin rushed over to the plant-thing and shot an Aurabolt in it. Hitting it would be futile with those thin and agile vines as a body. The plant-thing shrinked into itself, and let Edgar go, but the damage had been done. Uroburos Vulgaris had the ability to drain all life-energy, converting it into the energy of the undead. The unthinkable had happened, and Sabin just stood there. Had a monster attacked him, he surely would have died at that moment.

No.

Hell, no…

His brother had become a Zombie, and was now shifting his gaze from the ground to his brother. The eyes were blank, no pupil at all. The Edgar-thing picked up his sword and stood up. Sabin fled.

He sprinted to the Secret Entrance. He had thought briefly about the consequences it might have for the defense of Narshe, but he wasn’t thinking clearly and he thought…

He thought about his brother, who was gone now. No chance of getting near him to touch him with the Holy Water of a Revivify. No chance to save him now. Edgar wad dead, lost, gone. Edgar had suffered from BonePowder, he had suffered from Ruin, he had suffered from DoomPollen an he had suffered from StoneTouch. He had survived them all, and now he was taken down. It…

It just wasn’t FAIR! Gods, damn you! They were fighting for a cause!

He ran for the Secret Entrance, and met a monster who was…’standing guard? Is he standing guard? Do they know?’ standing in front of the entrance. It was an Adamantatoise, and it was going to die. The Adamantatoise was going to pay on behalf of all monsters for the life of his brother. He jumped at him, raised his fist and slammed it into the monster’s side with all his might. Sabin didn’t know it (and couldn’t have cared less if he knew), but that strike was the single-most powerful punch he had ever thrown. There was a sound of shattering rock or bone, a terrible crushing sound and blood, but when the pain shot trough his arm like a bullet through a barrel, he realized that it was his blood, his bones that had pulverized against the skin of the monster. The pain paralyzed him, sank him through his knees. The pain was so intense, Gods, so intense…it filled up his world, turned his vision red and engulfed him. He was…he just couldn’t move. ‘Setzer was right’, he thought, ‘there is nothing, nothing in the world as bad as physical pain.’ The monster in the corner of his eyes turned at him and charged.

After two minutes, all went black for the second Figaro brother as well.



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Terra stood on the remaining part of the Southern Defense Wall of Narshe, and sent a quick prayer of gratitude to the Gods who had made sure it had lasted. She also prayed for the Figaro Brothers, and looked to the south. Narshe had fought itself through another attack, but barely. Celes joined her. "We made it through another night, Celes." "It could be the last, Terra." They both knew that if another wave of monsters like the previous would attack, they would fail to stand. Narshe would fall before the next day. "How’s Thamasha, you think? Standing? Falling? Victorious?" Celes stroke a hand trough her hair. It was reduced in volume and amount after a strike from a Mantodea Rex, leaving Celes no choice but to cut it up in a rather boyish hair-do. Having a haircut like that in any other time would be trouble, like walking naked in the streets, it was not done. But these were no other times, these were the Last Days, and nobody cared about hair-dos. "They can’t be victorious, Terra. They will fall." Terra said: "Hope our friends still live. Cyan and Setzer…" Celes finished. "And Strago and Relm…" Terra sighed. "They will last longer then us, I guess." Celes shook her head. "It doesn’t matter." Terra bolted up, eyes blazing. "It still matters! When nothing matters anymore to you, to us, then we are dead already!" Celes turned and left, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "We ARE already dead, Terra." After Celes had left, Terra had no choice but to stop thinking about that statement. It was true, after all.

"You okay?" It was Duane. "Terra?" He was worried, one could hear it in his voice. It was becoming the general tone of voice around Narshe. "Illam Terra, cheer up a bit, eh? No need to be down on a beautiful day like this." Terra turned around. She had to admit she felt a little bit better, if only by the usage of the words ‘Illam Terra’ and the statement that the day was beautiful. "How’s the army, Duane?" Duane looked at her for a while with something on his face that Terra couldn’t place. Then, he exploded into tears. It was Duane-tears, male-tears. They were angry and vigorous. He covered his eyes with both hands, and lost the power over his legs. He fell on his knees, onto the floor. "They’re dead, Illam", he snorted. He stopped crying, got on his feet and wiped his eyes. "Half of ‘em officially, the other’s are mentally dead. They know Narshe’ll fall in a day’s time. They know these are the Last Days." Then, he continued: "They don’t deserve it, Terra. They don’t. WE don’t. What did we do to be cornered like this, trapped like…like…What did we do, Terra?" Terra almost repeated a line she had heard before from Setzer, not knowing it. "When things cease to exist, they cease to exist. It’s all…it’s all a matter of luck or no luck, not of fate, not of something we did. This is no pay-back time, Duane. We struggled and succeeded to do so for a long time. Now, our energy has run…low."



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It was the Last Days, and it was the last of the Last Days. Over the world, cities began to be deserted, monsters attacked, slowly the human race fell back in numbers. In these Last Days, the human race shone in it’s splendor. They were worthy of living, most of them, and they died.

In the Collosseum, Siegfried stood in the entrance. Behind him, only one man was living, the man who built the Collosseum, the founder of his home. Siegfried stood in the entrance, and the monsters in front of him roared and hissed. Siegfried stood proud, great. He could’ve been a king, King of Figaro, or Maranda perhaps. He could have been Draco, the folk hero. He could have been a Paladin. He stood high and mighty, not afraid. The Great Entrance Doors were smashed to pieces, and there was no way to keep them out. There were too many, they charged, and Siegfried fired his gun, taking one out, two out, three out, five out, ten out. Twenty-four he shot down before they reached him, twenty-four of the three hundred. Aquila, Chaos Dragon, Bogy and Sprinter; Slatter, Luridan, Chimera and Vectaur. They tore his armor open, clawed his face to bloody ribbons and eventually killed him. The last he heard was the man behind him, screaming out of fear. Siegfried was dead when Ronal Bluegrain, the founder of the Colloseum, started to scream out of pain.

John Bluegrain, nephew to the founder of the Colloseum, stood in the doorway of the Museum of Jidoor. All of Jidoor was empty, and he was the only one to stand. He looked behind him, and saw the wheezing girl he loved, Maria, and whinced again when he saw her bright yellow dress becoming red almost all over her stomach. She tried to move. "Maria…just lie down. Everything’s fine, I promise." She shook her head, and rose to her arms. "I love you, John. I do, I….I always have." Tears pressed against his eyes when he heard this, but he fought them back. He had to. "Save those things to say when we go out again, okay? I’ll take you to a play in the Opera House like I promised, sweetie…I’ll buy you flowers and you’ll wear that sexy green dress, remember the day we bought it together? We could have more of those days! Wouldn’t…wouldn’t you want more of those?" She fell through her armes at that, but before John could rush over to her, he saw a Chimera spotting him. John held his ground and fought until he fell. The girl had passed out, and would die of blood-loss two hours after her lover, still passed out.

Ronal Bluegrain had been mad before the Apocalypse, and a genius ahead of his time afterwards. That is, if you assume that the words ‘mad’ and ‘genius’ were only defined by what other people thought. He had on numerous occasions said that human kind was at his best when in war. A lunatic or a visionair, that statement proved itself right on countless occassions during the Last Days. Despite the fact it didn’t help any of them, men died for their wives, and vice versa, mothers died for their children, big brothers died for their little sisters, old quarrels were forgotten and the worst of rivals would team up and smash the enemy together. Human kind shone in a brilliant light.

Setzer had lived to gamble, and he had died gambling as well. Taking the ultimate odds, he jumped in between two Rhyos to save Relm’s life. He had won the jackpot, aye, but he had lived up to the First Rule of Gamling. No matter what game you played: Blackjack, Roulette, at the slots, how many Gold Pieces you bet: the minimum, 10000 GP, all you had, no matter if you cheated or not: the house eventually always wins. The house always wins. Setzer had been living on the edge all his life, accepting the rule. Now Relm had lived and Setzer had died and the game was over.

Strago, Relm, Cyan and the Thamasian twins had locked themselves in, at the end. Cyan guarded a window, Strago guarded a window, the twins guarded a window. It was the door that caved in, and they were forced to go up the stairs. Cyan had run outside, carving his autograph of blood in the bodies of the monsters. Strago had taken Relm upstairs, and the twins, one male and one female, had fought back the monsters as best as they could halfway up the stairs. For a moment, they had the upper hand: In a narrow battle-field, numbers had less importance, since only a few could stand in front and fight. But eventually, Bombs came in and set the stairs on fire. The twins were cut off from their access to the second floor, and they died. The monsters left the burning house because they sensed the two upstairs were trapped in the fire, and the one outside still lived. Cyan fought back with all his might, and this might was great. He took down monsters with more speed, more stamina, more power than ever before. But even the trained hand tires, the best katanas break and the fiercest knights die. Cyan died when his head was cut off clear from his shoulders by a Mantodea Rex. Strago and Relm were trapped in the burning house, and Strago leaped from the only window with Relm in his hands. Strago broke his legs when he came down, and told Relm to run, to run and get help, to run and escape the monsters. Relm refused, killed five monsters before Strago was killed and killed seventeen monsters before she herself was killed.

It was the Last Days, and it was the last of the Last Days.

I will post the other 3/4 of the story if people ask for it. You can always find the entire story at my own site, but make sure that you let me know that you read it all (should you do so).

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 30th May 2004 13:32

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

Okay, for one, if you post it in site submissions, it's easier for me, the fanfiction manager, to take the work and put it on the site :-) If it's pasted in the forums, there is less of a chance that there will be a weird font (like different forms of ... and ') that will make it unvalidated.

If you don't get that, all that means is, it's better. :-) If you have a really large piece, post it in chapters. If it is truly humungous, email me or post a link in site submissions. That way, you get comments, and you still get my attention to put it on the site.

That being said, I have a few comments, so here goes:

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>Sabin stood and fired into the mass under him. Aurabolt. Aurabolt. An Exocite crawled >up the wall, Scissors ready.

- Probably should be scissors, in the lowercase.

>He fired with his mind, not with his hands, like master Duncan had thaught him.

- Small typo; taught, not thaught.

>A black Bomb approached. "Grenade", he thought, "May be Gods help me, a
>Grenade."

- I think you mean "May the", rather than be.

>the Southern Defense Wall of Narhse.

-Narshe

> Inmediatly, something horrible

- Immediately

>oozing from the monster’s bellie was

- belly

>said, panthing in half-a-second

- panting

>That meant ot kill them, more specifically.

- to kill

>No, not precisily:

- precisely

>with the town of Narhse fallen.

- Narshe

>He thought about his brother, who was gone now. No chance of getting near him to >touch him with the Holy Water of a Revivify. No chance to save him now.

- Why not? Is he too injured to do so without getting away easily?

>to pay on behave of all monsters

- on behalf of

>arm like a bullet trough a barrel,

- through

>The pain paralyzed him, sank him trough his knees.

- through. And you might want to have it as "sank him to his knees", actually, or "The pain paralyzed him, caused him to sink to his knees."

>and sent a quick grate-prayer to the Gods

- do you mean gate-prayer?

>Narshe had fought itself trough another

- through

>"We made it trough another night, Celes."

- again, through

>stroke a hand trough her hair.

- through

> and amount after a stike from a Mantodea Rex,

- strike

>cut it up in a rater boyish hair-do.

- rather

>the streets, it was not-done.

- not done (the hypen is not needed)

>and nobody cared about hair-do’s.

- hair-dos, I believe. I know it's not 's anyway, because it's more than one.

>"They will last longer then us, I guess."

- than. When comparing, it's something rather than something, or longer than something, or shorter than something, etc.

>"Illam Terra, cheer up a bit, eh?

- Illam? I'm unfamiliar with this word.

>It were Duane-tears, male-tears.

-It was

>It were the Last Days, and it were the last of the Last Days.

- Both instances of "were" should be "was"

>the man who build the Collosseum,

- built

>the folk’s hero.

- folk

>There were to many,

- There were too many.

>the threehundred.

- three hundred

>They tore his armor open,

- if you're not American (I assumed you were not, since you wrote colour) it's armour. Armour, colour, rumour, favour, favourite, etc, go together. It's not a huge deal, but it's good to have all with the u, or all without the u.

>"She shook her head, and

- nix the "

> I promised, sweety

- sweetie

>She fell trough her armes at that,

- She fell through her arms (though you mean his, right?)

> itself right on countless occassions during

- occasions

> their wives, and fice versa,

- vice versa

>Rhyos to save Relm’s life, He

- change the , to .

>First Rule of Gamling.

- gambling

>all you head, no matter

- all you had

>and the Thamashian twins

- Thamasian. And who are the twins? I can't think of them.

>Cyan had ran outside,

- run

>more power then ever before.

- than ever

>the best katana’s break

- katanas

>It were the Last Days, and it were the last of the Last Days.

- was the Last Days, and it was the last of the Last Days. Optional: These were the Last Days, and it was the last of the Last Days.

- Okay, and that's it. :-) Hmm, Terra's answer seems to be death, thus far, according to this fic. That wasn't her answer at the end of FF6.

It'll be interseting to see if her answer changes, and in which ways. Will you be posting more, here?

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 20th May 2004 21:37

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

More! More! Post the Rest, a bit long, though, but good

Thanks for helping out with the spelling errors. I don't want to hide behind the fact that I'm foreign to English (a fact I've pointed out on several occasions to impress whoever is listening), but it seems it also has some influence on quick read-troughs. You can rest assured that I did multiple spellchecks, but some things, such as "bellie" and "trough" escape me because I always thought it was the proper way to spell it. Others, such as pretty much the rest are nasty typos that I overlook because I expect to read the correct words and therefore actually read them. Funny thing, the human psyche.

Why, I ask thee, why must there be various versions of English? Color, colour, armor, armour....I'll dive into it to sort it out once and for all. I knew that there were differences between GB English and US English, and I knew color/colour was one of them. I just never remember which belongs to which and wind up with both of them in a single story.

And grate prayer is a maimed version of what must be "prayer of gratitude". I figured it could be said that way (GRATEful), but apparantly not. Maybe it's Cyan/Frog/Shakespeare English and I can leave it the way it is?

"Illam" is Latin and means "mother" Illam Terra means Mother Earth. I thought it was pretty clever with Terra's name being Terra and Mobliz' kids calling her mother. I had it in Italics but the italics were removed when pasting.

The capital in Scissors is something I consciously inserted because I thought it would enhance the feeling of FF VI. Exocite's special attack is called "Scissors" (with the capital), and by giving the word a capital in the story I would direct the reader's attention to the scissors as being a dangerous weapon as well as an attack in the game.

The capital in Gambling is, like the capital in God, a capital granted because of major importance. Setzer is involved.

I'll now go correct the many errors. I'll wait a while (a day or so) before posting the next 25 % of the story to not scare of new readers, but expect it pretty soon.

I was suprised that you started about Terra's answer already. The Question has not been asked yet, and the Answer is not yet of vital importance. That'll come in a while, so hold yer horses.






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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

I had forgotten that English isn't your first language, sorry. What is your first language?

The reason that there are two ways to write words like colour is that the Americans do it differently than everyone else. I've heard various reasons for this; to have independance from the Brits, to save on ink when printing, to go back to an older style before ou was dominant, etc. I'm Canadian, and so I use colour, but most people here would do color, I think.

I've never heard of grate-prayer, which is why I thought you meant that she was praying to the sealed gate. If you've seen it, though, then fair enough. :-)

Ah, so that's what Illam means. Thank you.

Well, it's iffy to capitalize passtimes/hobbies like that, but you can keep it Gambling if you want.

Well, with all the death in the story...left, and right, and coming from the top, and hitting you from behind...I thought that was the answer. :-) Sorry.

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 20th May 2004 22:11

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

Edit

I had forgotten that English isn't your first language, sorry.

I can only take that as a massive compliment. My first languages were Frisian/Dutch (with Frisian being what was taught to me first and Dutch being the major language in the Netherlands). Will I be boasting about the fact that the English language came forth out of the Frisian? Yes, most definately . It is. A lot of words can be compared, even today.

And I'm sure that if Setzer was looking at this right now, he's be pretty angry about you calling Gambling a mere passtime. Then again, we're looking at the scene from a whole different perspective then from Setzer's. You know what: I'm going to edit the capital out anyway. It's not right from scientific focalisator's point of view. I thought about it some mere and discovered it IS right from scientific focalisator's point of view. Bloody literature theories.

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 20th May 2004 22:24

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

Oh, ouc,. I think my heart broke every time one of the Crew was done in. Can't wait to hear the res0.
Quick question though: where's Locke? Although I'm sure that question will be answered with an update.

Alright im not here to Nit Pick at The english. i understand. Im here To say How Much i loved it. I was actually grinning at the development. I for one would be very interested in the next chapter. But ill check your site because i cant wait. I Actually looked at your site yesterday, but i didnt make my way to fanfiction yet.

Edit

I went and read the rest. Despite grammatical errors I Was astounded. It was A Work of art in fact. Emotionally touching and very compelling.

This post has been edited by MogMaster on 21st May 2004 15:59

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If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way

Quote (Djibriel @ 20th May 2004 17:21)

Will I be boasting about the fact that the English language came forth out of the Frisian? Yes, most definately  . It is. A lot of words can be compared, even today.

No, it didn't. English and Frisian are both Germanic languages, but they're more like sisters or cousins than like mother and daughter. The fact that the comparative method can be used demonstrates that the languages are related, not that one came from the other.

I like your explanation for the capital letter in "Gambling." It isn't standard English, but orthographical changes like that can have a cool effect when employed cleverly.

This post has been edited by karasuman on 21st May 2004 18:55

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Veni, vidi, dormivi.

Seriously? I had always gotten the idea that "we" were first. It seems I was mistaken.

On further notice: The second piece. I've run yet another spellcheck, but don't hesitate to point out remaining errors. Seriously, the more I learn the less I will look like a fool on other occassions.

Edit

On the Southern Defense Wall of Narshe, it was Terra who stood watching the hordes of monsters below. The next attack would be the last, and the monsters knew it. They were not the normal monsters now, no Bombs, no Chimeras, no Behemoths and no Pterodons. No dragons as far Terra could see, no monstrous birds, no gigantic bugs.

The line of monsters in front of her, carefully placed following a strategy that puzzled Terra because of it's exactness, were the smart monsters, the Humanoids.

The Humanoids were human-shaped monsters. Scholars had wrecked their brains on the subject. Were they humans transformed into monsters? Unlikely. Were they the bodies of men, revived by dark magic? Impossible, no Humanoid was undead. Were they possessed? Unlikely too, since some of the Humanoids were obviously different from normal humans. There were Hemophytes, Humanoids with four arms. Outsiders, Humanoids without a face. Retainers, Humanoids who lived on with their head chopped off.

The Humanoids were able to plan ahead. They were aware of what they were doing. They were like humans without a soul, and these armies were to be carefully planned. Humanoids were sneaky, cunning.

And Terra witnessed them, with her heart in her boots. All that was left was dying. Celes besides her. "They’ll pay, you know. Before they take me, I’ll make them pay. Pay for what they did to Locke." Terra said nothing. "They’ll pay for what they did to the town of Thamasha, too." Terra turned.
"You don’t know anything about Thamasa."
"All dead." The sound in her voice, indicating how absolutely sure she was of this, made Terra despair even more. She hadn’t thought it had been possible.
"Hello, Terra, hello, Celes, Gau’s here." The sound of Gau’s voice behind them heard and recognized, both women turned. Gau was waving from below. His Giant’s Axe tucked in his belt. It had become Gau’s weapon during the Last Days.

Terra looked at him, and thought of Duane, and what he had said. (they don’t deserve it, we don’t deserve it). Gau didn’t deserve it. He was handsome. Funny. He never gave up. He was 100 % positive energy. Terra adored him with all her heart, and wondered where he took the courage from to smile.

"Gau just wondering where all the monsters are. They attack not now, but before. They’ll attack another time, but why not now?" Terra shrugged. Celes shrugged besides her. "We don’t know." Gau leaped from the ground up the Wall. It was a good thing no monsters could jump that distance.
"People, the people, all scared. Death in their…" Gau pointed at his eyes. "There, all dead. Gau thinks they should stop do that, but no man listen to Gau, and get mad fast." Terra put her hand on Gau’s shoulder. She could feel him shivering under her touch. He was scared, too.
"There’s a time to smile and a time to weep, Gau." There was a time to smile and a time to weep. And now, all smiles had faded like the Full Moon behind the clouds. All that remained were tears.


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"Gau!" Terra bolted through to battlefield, to Gau. "Gau!" Gau tried to reach his axe, and found out he didn’t have the strength to do so. He looked at Terra, sadly. His lips formed her name, but she could not hear it. Narshe Guards fought the Humanoids, they were everywhere, and for each Humanoid that went down, three Narshe Guards died. The noise overpowered Gau’s words, and when a Retainer’s katana pierced Gau’s stomach, ending the beautiful life in it, Terra screamed, screamed and screamed, screamed until.…

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…the moment the monsters had slayed all of the Narshe Guards, only one was standing: Celes Chere. Celes Chere, who would never be Celes Cole no matter what. Locke had died. Had been killed.
Remembering him, his face, his smile, his voice, Celes charged. She believed she was the last person in Narshe, perhaps the last person on Earth, and she fought. With the face of Locke in her mind, she struck, pulled her sword free, turned,
struck. Parried, turned, quickly, faster,
dance, in a dance, struck and parried, faster, faster,
Locke, oh Locke, faster, Locke I loved you, Locke, faster,
turning, and then the pain, the pain in her shoulder,
faster, Locke, the pain in her stomach, a blade in her stomach, the love she felt for Locke, then the darkness, Locke my love, I’m coming...

...and then the end.


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It was Terra who was in fact the last person standing in Narshe. She was screaming, and now the silence set in over Narshe, her scream was heard all the more clearly. She stood on a balcony, the balcony of a house. She turned and walked into the house. An Outsider entered the room she was in, and they fought. When she had killed the Outsider, a Retainer and a Covert had entered. She fought them both, and managed to kill the Covert, but the Retainer disarmed her, raised his sword and…!

And…..


!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Terra opened her eyes. She was still in the room, but in another corner. She saw the Retainer, hand pulled back, Masamune ready to strike. She saw herself sitting in the corner, head bowed down, bloody cuts over her face. Then she noticed how everything was different: time seemed to have stopped. The world was a blurry dark-grey, and she could hardly see a sword kicked in the middle of the room, where the Terra she saw could never reach it. The dark-grey moved a little, as if she was looking at something at the bottom of a clear lake.

"Terra."

She heard two voices talking simultaneously. That was the best she could do. They were both different, a female and a male, but they sounde so similar , and both spoke at the exact same time, they appeared to be one. Terra saw the two who had adressed her. One was a boy, maybe eight years old. His serious, brown eyes met hers. He was dressed in a way she couldn’t quite place, but had seen before: In an Opera (the Dream Oath, to be precise, the opera Celes had starred in) a ‘peasant’ had worn those clothes. He was clean, though.
The other, a woman. She was thirty years old, and more or less good-looking. She was rather (cozily shaped) fat, and her extremely large breasts were exposed: the only thing she to wore was a yellow skirt around her waist. Her eyes seemed somehow like the boy’s, but also completely different: they sparkled with joy, not all good. If she had been a little girl, she would have looked ‘naughty’. Terra was too stunned to speak, but the body took over. The question was spoken before Terra thought of it.

"Who are you?"

This time, the two voices merged again the first time: at the end of the sentence they split.

"I am Cronos." (the boy)
"I am" (both)
"I am Rhea." (the woman)

This time, Terra nor her body had anything to say, and she just stared. The boy, Cronos, was leaning against something that looked like a table in the dark-grey mist, while the woman Rhea was standing close to the sword that had been kicked away. Their voices again, together at first and split at the end:

"I am the brother of the universe."
"I am the"
"I am the sister of the universe."

"I don’t understand", Terra said. The world was confusion.

Cronos now spoke alone. It was a clear voice, pleasant and light. "I am Cronos. I am time. Our Creator made the universe as energy, and me to make it flow through. I am minute and day, I am hour and era.

Rhea, now spoke alone. It was a clear voice, pleasant and light. "I am Rhea. I am fertility, the unseen power which drives the energy our Creator made to shift, to abandon it’s form and turn into something else. I am what moves the universe."

Terra gaped.

Cronos lifted a hand. Terra noticed there was dirt on it, like the boy had been picking weeds between his father’s carrot bed. "See."

Terra saw how the world turned from dark-grey to light-grey, from light-grey to a stopped image, from a stopped image to…the world moved. The Retainer slashed and the Terra dived away. She jumped for her sword, but the Retainer kicked her in the stomach. The Terra winced, and the Retainer drove his katana in her belly. Blood welled up from her stomach. The Terra tried to speak, to speak the last words of the human race perhaps, but here too blood came up and choked everything. The katana was driven upwards, and the Terra gargled, protested against her fate, tried to pull away, until the katana ended her life. The body was thrown out of the window, and Terra heard the sickening sound it made when the body hit the ground. A flash of light, then, and….

Cronos: "This is what will happen. You cannot survive the Retainer. You will die."

Terra got up and looked around. The Retainer's Masamune ready to strike, the Terra again crouched before him like a rabbit. She was back. Both began to speak now, in their double voice.

"You know little about gods, and you need to know little. Know this. Our Creator is everything. He accidentaly created himself and the universe in the process, but cared not for it. He created children, us, and gave the universe to us. We cared for it, and spent all of our time on it. We created children ourselves, under permission from our Creator. We are eternal, and so are our children, and their childen. Eventually, the lesser gods were created, children from children from children from children. These were the gods of luck, the gods who watched over the sailors, the gods who watched over the travellers and the thieves, the gods who were mortal but lived so long it did not matter. These lesser gods had not our view. They were different from each other, and they fought. Eventually, three gods were sent down, exiled from our place. These gods were so low that they could be killed by each other and killed by you. They were killed by you. These three gods had names that you cannot stand to hear, but you called them Megami, Majin and Kishin.

Terra searched her brain. They must’ve been Doom, Goddess and Poltrgeist, and she thought of telling them they had been called differently, but…

"These gods were killed by you, and god's Rage was upon mankind. Those who had blessed the travellers now cursed them, ignoring prayers and luring them in swamps. Thieves were caught when they had prayed for their God. Sailors died in sea storms too large to have existed naturally. These were the workings of the lesser gods. Human life span decreased by thirty years. Most above fifty died. Sickness dwelled among those taking blessed water."

There was a pause. The woman remained still, while the boy walked over to Terra. Alone, he continued.

"Our Creator ignored his children. We, the First Born, started to doubt the ways of the lesser Gods. For the first time, there were sides to choose among the higher Gods. Some claimed that humankind was crucial for the existence of the Universe, but this was false information. However, it is not right to destroy mankind, some Gods reasoned. They were too intelligent to be dispatched at will. The others made those in favor of mankind out for fools. Since the Gods created them, it was their right to kill them. There were arguments.

Cronos was silent at this, and Rhea continued. "There were no arguments that could persuade the others. The lesser Gods grew impatient. Lesser Gods and higher Gods quarraled. Some lesser Gods were killed."

Terra could read the expression on both faces perfectly well and realized how wrong, how unthinkable murder among the Gods must have been. Both looked like people who had bitten into a lemon. Rhea continued.

"Some changed sides. Eventually, my brother and I started having different opinions. This was frightening. We were the First Born, and we were almost equal. The universe shivered. Things went wrong. The world rotted. Monsters dwelled where humankind died, and the Gods debated. Eventually we noticed that it was not only our decision to cease mankind: it was going to happen if we didn’t stop it."

Cronos walked over to the crouched Terra, and he looked like a boy whose favorite pet rabbit had just been buried. Grave, his young eyes shining with sorrow.

"My sister and I were sent down. Not exiled, no God can exile the First Born but our Creator. We were sent down. If I could convince those in favor of ceasing mankind to switch sides, you will be saved. If my sister can convince those against ceasing mankind, or if neither of us switch opinion, then mankind will be ceased."

Terra understood. She didn’t hope her thoughts were true, but she knew they were.

Rhea: "I have stood for the ceasing of mankind. There must not be revenge, but there must be justice. Men kill the dogs they have loved for years, if they bite their young son. This is no different. Kefka’s arrogance by taking their power is unforgivable. One man is enough to condemn all.

Cronos: "I have stood against the ceasing of mankind. Killing three lesser Gods was self-protection. It was evident. We carry responsibility as well, since we have exiled them here to Earth.

Then, both: "We have chosen you. You are the last person on Earth. You are partly human, partly Esper-Human. You are not completely human, different. You are to take us to places in your memory. Convince us of the necessity of mankind. Show us humankind’s virtues. Show us that humankind is worthy of existing.

We've got ourselves a cliffhanger. A pretty darn worthless one, since you check the final episode at my site anyway, but a cliffhanger nonetheless.

Now, for some explanation on Rhea and Cronos for those who are interested (or offended by Rhea's description):

Cronos is a word that you all probably heard before, always together with the concept of 'time'. Cronos was Zeus' father in Greek mythology and is therefore one of the most important, basic and allmighty creatures of the universe.
Rhea was his wife. Unlike in this fanfic, they didn't get along very well. Not imporant really. Why did I choose to make her a half-naked and fat woman? I did this because Rhea reprents fertility, and troughout history, this was often represented by this appearance. In our Western society, the ideal has been passed to semi-anorexic women, but dive back more then fifty years and you'll find the cozily shaped to be the worshipped godesses of love Side note: Yellow was the color of the prostitutes. I gave her a yellow skirt because of this. That's enough with the symbolism for today. Enjoy!

Changed according to Elena99's tips and tricks. I really dislike posting fanfiction with so many errors in it, but I didn't know that half of the mistakes I made were mistakes.


This post has been edited by Djibriel on 24th May 2004 00:14

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

Good, pretty, good but will the final episode be posted here as well?

Ofcourse.

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 23rd May 2004 17:45

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

And here it is. My apologies for double-posting, but I think we can forgive me this time. I could've edited my previous one, but it wouldn't show as a new post and thus not inform people that the final part hath arrived.

I don't know of submitting an entire piece to the Site Submissions is a guaranteed upload, but I guess you and me will hear from Elena99 as soon as it is uploaded or not.

Another spellcheck. You should consider yourself very lucky to have such a talented writer who even goes so far as to actually do spellchecks before submitting. The entire story is now up, so I'll be hoping for a massive amount of reviews. Flame me. Seriously, see the smallest error and point it out. I can only learn and grow.

Anyway, the story kicks off where it left, so after Cronos and Rhea posed their question, Terra takes them into the history of the human race.

Edit

Both: "This is where?"

Terra showed them the surroundings. Houses. A flowerbed. A nice town. It was Mobliz, where Terra and Duane had lived, where the baby had been born, the symbolic new start that had died three days later. The town where Katarin had lived and the children had lived. "This is Mobliz," she said. "Before Kefka put it under the Light of Judgement."

Both: "A cluster of men. A town."

Terra nodded. "This is where I will show you man’s greatest gift, the ability to…no, just look at it."

In the scene, Duane snuck out a back door. Faintly, you could hear his father complaining to his mother about his absence. Katarin was waiting in the Herb Garden, and Duane rushed there. They ran for each other, and they were laughing merrily when they embraced each other. It was young love, careless love. They kissed briefly and looked at eachother with the lover’s look: a look so unlike any other it had to be recognized by all.

Duane told Katarin he had snuck out of his house, because he had to do chores. Katarin responded by saying that she too had chores she couldn’t ignore. They looked at each other some more, started smiling. Grinning broadly, Duane proposed they should skip the chores and keep each other compay. Katarin accepted and they both started laughing. Duane, who would die three years later in Narshe, pulled off his shirt and leaned across an oak. Katarin laid her head in his lap, and both starring at the sky, they started talking about things that were only interesting because they loved each other. Talking was exchanged with kissing, some more talking, some more kissing.

It must’ve been cool under the tree on a hot day, and they were comfortable and happy.

Cronos and Rhea watched, and remained silent. Nothing gave away what they were thinking. Then, Rhea spoke. "What is this?"

Terra became uncomfortable. She had thought the answer to their question had been rather easy, and that the answer was easily recognized in this scene. "Well, this is love! It’s what keep men apart from monsters, from animals and plants. This is…"

"Show us more."

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Cyan sat, leaning back at the wall. The moat of Doma Castle sparkled in the sunlight. Cyan seemed relaxed enough, but the kid beside him was bored. He looked around, fidgetted with everything in his reach and complained that fishing was boring. For that’s what they were doing: Two fishing poles stood firm between the rocks. Cyan calmed his son down. Told him that fishing is a waiting game, that waiting was an essential part of his training. Didn’t he want to become Doma’s next retainer? Cyan stroked the kid’s hair. The kid looked up at Cyan with pure adoration, as if Cyan was his idol.
One rod moved. Something in the moat was pulling the line down. Suddenly excited, Owain grabbed it and followed Cyan’s instructions: easy, slowly, don’t want to let the fish escape, don’t want to…

Rhea: "This is love. I had hoped for a better answer. It is evident that the humankind loves itself. In fact, it is so busy loving itself that it forgets it’s narcism. Self-love. One human loves another human which is so like him, and then loves himself even more because he loves something else. To be more precise, love exists in all life. Love is no more than the will to keep the species intact. Love is what makes life constantly renew itself. No species can survive without love. Love is a necessity, no virtue to be proud of. I am love, and I know myself."

Terra had not expected this at all. She had believed love was all that mattered. She defended. "One man is not the other. We don’t love ourselves, we love another. Sometimes, one man loves a woman so much he would give his life to save the other’s! It’s not narcism, it's…it’s love."

Cronos: "My sister is right. It comes down to self-love. A man would never give his life to save an animal, would it? No single man would give his life to save a thousand times thousand birds, however pretty they sing. For mankind, I hope there is something better than love. It is not only false, it is a bad surprise that you truly think this is humankind’s greatest virtue."

Terra thought. Searched her brains. What did set humans apart from animals, besides love? True love, she thought, had to be the answer…and yet it wasn’t. There must be something else, but her mind returned to those words, as if her mind would not accept her answer was denied. True love, true love, true…

(An old, rich man is talking to his pretty, young wife.

Would you still love me if tomorrow I had lost all my money, dear?

Yes, she replies, and I would miss you.)

Humor, that was something! No animal laughed. No monster laughed.



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Rhea: "Where is this?"

Ragtime music was playing, a single pianola in the corner of the bar. The pianola-player’s fingers rushed like hasty tentacles over the instrument. The room was filled with smoke, there was laughing and talking. At the Maranda bar, Setzer and Sabin drank their drinks, chatting about something. Setzer grinned and asked Sabin how hedgedogs had sex. Sabin shrugged, unknowing. Setzer told Sabin hedgedogs had sex really carefully, and both Sabin and Setzer exploded in laughter. Sabin asked Setzer how many Jidorians it took to screw in a lightbulb, and while Setzer asked Sabin how many Jidorians it did take to screw in a lightbulb,…

Terra explained the scene to Rhea and Cronos. "It’s humor. No animal laughs, right? No monsters laughs. Right?"

Cronos: "Kefka laughed on many occassions. What he thought was humorous was in fact cruel. Humor is not a virtue by itself."

Rhea: "Furthermore, all humor is aggression. Humor is what sets those making the joke above the subject of the joke. Even the joke about the hedgedogs was agression. It was bonding between these two men. So that they could be stronger together."

Cronos: "It is an intresting side of humanity, indeed. The body takes control in laughing, the mind unable to stop a ‘laughing fit’. It is bizarre that an intelligent race could lose control on so many occassions. Humor is made troughout the day. It seems that humans like laughing, like losing control of their bodies, if for reasons not understood by the Gods. "

Rhea: "Please understand this. Even if humor was a virtue, it would not aid us. It would not please us. We asked you what made humankind essential. If what we call virtue would be your virtues, we would like honor. We would like wit. We would like honesty. All these things are perhaps important between humans, but they are not important between humankind and the Gods. Self-evident or foolish, but never a virtue."

Terra’s argument of humor was kicked in the dirt and stepped on, she realized it. She wasn’t trying to fight for her choice. She saw in both eyes that they could go on for hours, explaining to Terra how laughing worked, exactly why it was all agression, etcetera etcetera. But dear Gods, dear Gods, what were these two looking for? A scary thought came to mind. These Gods were hoping for something, hoping for her to show them something that they themselves could not find. Could it be that humankind had no true reason to exist? That there was nothing to live for? Dear Gods, she was asked to find something now that had been searched for by all philosophers. The reasons of mankind’s existence.

Rhea: " My brother could give you an unlimited amount of time. But we don’t think that will be necessary. If you have nothing better then this, the will to keep the species alive and agression, we don’t see a reason why we should stop the monsters.



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Terra was thinking now, for half an hour. Every time she felt she had something, two words popped up: true love. She tried to push these words away, knowing that they were useless. True love was not the answer. She was thinking, searching in her memories now, not in her mind. There must be something. She dropped the necessity of the answer. She dropped the fact her life was at stake. She dropped her situation. All that remained was the question she was to answer. She thought of…

Locke: I don’t think we’ll get married anytime soon, since she’s only eighteen. But I know we’ll make it together, I can just feel it in my bones and my heart. Just you wait, Terra, it’s gonna be a great party, just you wait, it’s gonna be a…

Edgar: I’ll give you three reasons, Terra (and now her memory ran off and her imagination filled in the gap, creating unbelieveable scenarios), why mankind must survive. First, your beauty has captivated me. Second, I’m dying to know if I’m your type, and your…(abilities)…sunset would be a distant third.

Sabin: But don’t you DARE tell him I said that love is all that matters, Terra, don’t you DARE, ‘cause if you do I’ll have to, well, kill you, Terra. Love is all that matters, but it’s a death secret, Terra, take it to the grave with you, Terra…

Shadow: There are many like me, Terra, who have killed their emotions. And trust me, Terra, it’s a good thing, emotions are bad, they’re naughty, Terra, they’re all bad, kill all emotions, and kill all men, cause all men are NAUGHTY, Terra.

Cyan: There is much to live for, Terra, much to live for, look at that, do you see that, Terra? Do you see

Do you see that sunset, Terra? It's so…

"Do ye see that sunset, Terra? I’ve thought that my life was officially over after Kefka, for a short span of time. I lived on revenge (agression and love, love and agression), lived to kill (agression) in the memory of my wife and son (love). But do you see that sunset? 'Tis a fact that there is much to live for, Terra. Much to live for indeed." And then:

"Thou shan’t ignore the world we live in. Thou shan’t take it for granted. Each day, I awaken and celebrate the beauty of my life by living it. I celebrate the beauty of the world by living in it. Because, Terra, no creation is complete without a bard to sing about it."



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Both: Where is this?

It was Thamasa, before the fall. It was quiet and peaceful, the apotheosis of all small towns. A woman was talking to her neighbour, and she was blushing slightly. The sun shone, it was one of the most beautiful days. Strago was sitting in a chair he had taken out of the house, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Relm was sitting in front of her canvas. Painting, of course: practicing her favorite skill.

Terra pointed at the little boy over by the canvas. He was staring at the canvas, at Relm, at the canvas again. He was obviously delighted by the skillfullness of the painting. And so he told Relm, how good it looked, how beautiful it was. How real. Relm smiled. Told the little boy that the trees on her canvas weren’t half as good as the real trees, telling him that the grass on the canvas was just fake. The little boy nodded.

Terra started talking. "I have thought about your question. Why should humankind exist? Let me turn the question, oh Cronos and Rhea. Why should Gods exist? To maintain and take care of the universe, right?"

Both nodded.

"Then why should the universe exist?"

Both, slightly puzzled: "The universe is. Our father created it. That’s enough."

"But the creation of the universe has no purpose. Then let humankind be it’s purpose! Let us enjoy it, let us celebrate it! A friend of mine, Cyan Garamonde, once told me that no creation is complete without a bard to sing about it, somebody to enjoy it, somebody to write poetry about it! Animals are unaware they are alive, so are monsters. They eat the grass without thinking about the grass, they are unaware of their existence, while humans wonder about it! Let us be the ones who marvel about the sunset, who look at Barren Falls and get tears in their eyes because of it’s beauty! Let us be the ones, oh Gods, to celebrate the universe."

Rhea and Cronos looked at eachother, surprised.

Both: "That is a surprising argument. We held the existence of the universe for granted, which was a flaw. We will debate with the higher Gods, then with the lesser Gods. Humankind owes its existence to you. We are convinced, and so will the lesser and higher Gods be.

Rhea and Cronos bowed briefly, and then there was light, moving light, and the moving light was moving up, faster, faster unil Terra realized that she was falling, falling down. She could feel the air through her hair, faster, and then…


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Terra opened her eyes. She felt wood under her, and the texture seemed familiar. She moved her head a little and realized where she was. She found herself on the nose of the … Falcon?
She noticed she was unable to move, and then she heard Celes. "Terra!" She was dragged by Celes to the center of the Falcon’s Deck. She tried to move a bit, was unable to do so. How could this be? Celes alive! The Falcon in the sky! Life! She looked, and saw…she saw them all! The Figaro brothers, Gau, Mog, Strago, Relm! Locke, too, together with Cyan and…it was all too much. "I just saved the human race.", she croaked.
Locke laughed. "Don’t get too cocky, Terra! We ALL just saved the human race. It was team work!"
Terra realized where she was. Moments after Kefka’s death, they had escaped his tower. On board of the Falcon. And now they were here. Cronos must’ve given them this time. She stumbled up.
"Are you okay?", she heard Edgar say. She didn’t reply, walked to the nose of the Falcon instead. She looked at the sky, looked at the lands below her. It was magnificent.

Life, in fact, was magnificent.

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 29th May 2004 22:40

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

Okay, more comments. Just on the second installment, haven't gotten to the third yet:

>it was Terra who stood watching the hords of monsters below.

- hordes

>no Bombs, no Chimera's,

- Chimeras

>no monsterous birds,

- monstrous

>There were Hemophyte’s, Humanoids

- Hemophytes

>Celes besides her. "They’ll pay, you know.

- maybe: Celes, beside her, spoke up. "They'll pay, you know."

>town of Thamasha, too.

- You spell Thamasa wrong frequently, so I just want to point this out once. Only one h.

> "All dead." The sound in h

- Suggestion: Hit enter between the last bit of dialogue and this one. That way, the reader can pause long enough to take it in. It's also a good practice to hit enter in between the dialogue of two different characters.

>The sound of Gau’s voice behind them heart, both women turned.

- Was heart supposed to be heard, here? Maybe: Both women turned at the sound of Gau's voice, behind them.

>wondered were he took the courage from to smile.

- where, not were. And it looks like it might read smoother if written "..where he found the courage to smile."

> "There, all dead. Gau thinks they should stop do that, but no man listen to Gau, and get mad fast."

- I know Gau's a little incoherent, but...what is it that he thinks they should stop? Stop having death in their eyes?

> didn’t have the strenght to do so.

- strength

>He looked at Terra, sad.

- sadly, though I can't say that sad is incorrect, there. It just sounds wrong in my head.

>Terra screamed, screamed, screamed until.…

- maybe "Terra screamed and screamed, screaming until..."

>monsters had slayed all Narshe Guards,

- slayed all of the Narshe

> only one was standing, Celes Chere.

- standing; Celes Chere.

>quick, faster,
dance, in a dance,

- I know this is a more stylistic section, but maybe quickly instead of quick, and dancing instead of the first dance. "quickly, faster, dancing, in a dance"

>Locke I love you, Locke faster,

- Locke, faster,

>then the darkness, Locke my love, I’m coming,

>and then the end.

- Since you hit enter between these two, I'd suggest "I'm coming..." and then "...and then the end." (and then the end seems a little awkward. Maybe "and then came the end" or "and then came her end."

>her scream was heard all the clearer.

- all the more clearly

>Terra opened her eys.

- eyes

>So herself sitting in the corner,

- She herself, sitting in the corner,

>She heard two voices talking similair.

- simultaneously (instead of similar)

>but they talked so alike,

- but their voices were so similar

>and at the exact same time, they appeared to be one.

- and they spoke at the exact same time; they appeared to be one.

>a ‘peasant’ had wore those clothes.

- worn

>She was rather (cozily shaped) fat,

- I'd use cozily shaped or fat. Maybe pleasantly plump, or chubby. Curvy.

>the only thing she seemed to wear was a yellow skirt

- 'seemed to' makes the sentence too weak. Suggest "the only thing she wore was a yellow skirt"

>at the end of the sentence they split.

"I am Cronos." (the boy)
"I am" (both)
"I am Rhea." (the woman)

- I don't really like how that's organized, but I'm not sure how to fix it.

>The boy Cronos was leaning

- I'd take out either The boy or Cronos, as it's redundant.

>Cronos, now only spoke.

- now spoke alone

>make it flow trough.

- through. I believe a trough is something you put pig slop in, in a barn.

>The woman, Rhea, now only spoke.

- spoke alone now as well.

> slashed and the Terra dived away.

- and the physical Terra

>The Terra whinched,

- why are you calling her The Terra? Are you trying to say she's the earth? It just keeps making me think that you've forgotten a word in between The and Terra. Terra's not a thing; she is a person. Isn't she?

- oh, and you mean winced.

>and spent all our time on it.

- all of our time

>They were differated,

- different

>that they could be killed by eachother

- each other

>that you can not stand,

- cannot understand

>the working of the lesser gods.

- workings

>Human’s life span decreased by thirty years.

- Human lifespans,

>All above fifty died.

- But not Strago? I thought he died in battle.

> while Cronos the boy walked over

- again, Cronos or the boy

>choose amond the higher Gods.

- among, not amond

>They were to intelligent to be dispatched at will.

- too intelligent

- Just a note. When you're talking about gods, it's in lower case. When you have a god whose name is God, however you write God. The Christian God is God with a capital G, because that is His name, not just what He is. The gods of religions with many gods of different names are lowercase g gods.

> Eventually, my brother and me started

- my brother and I. Because, if you take out "my brother", you'd be left with "Eventually, me started" and that's incorrect.

>Monsters dwelled while humankind died,

- I'm not sure about your use of dwelled, here. Maybe "dwelled comfortably"

>Until a short while.

- a short while ago.

> like a boy who’se favorite pet

- whose

>If I could convince those in favor of ceasing mankind against that,

- "If I could convince those in favor of ceasing mankind to reconsider,"

>then mankind will be ceased."

- annihilated is a better word, here, than ceased. Ceased is too passive.

>hope her thought were true

- thoughts

>"I have stood for the ceasing of mankind.

- again, ceasing, while not a bad word...doesn't seem to fit here. End of mankind, extinction of mankind, annihilation of mankind, termination of mankind. Any of those would work better, I think. Cease is more of a "stop" than an "end". Mankind will cease to exist is good, but ceasing of mankind sounds odd.

>You are partly human, partly Esper-Human.

- You are part human, part esper. Esper, just like human, does not need to be capitalized.

>You are outside, different.

- maybe "You are not all human, you are different."

>Show us humankind’s virtue’s.

- virtues.

>humankind is worty

- worthy

- Okay, that's all the reading. I'll do the rest another time. By the way, double-posting, as it says in the rules, is fine in the Site Submissions and Your Creations forums when you're doing it to post your work of art/fanfiction.

- Interesting twist, there. Though it's odd to see Rhea, a fertility goddess, wanting to wipe out any form of life completely. I can see the reasoning, however.

Edit:

It'll be uploaded if the errors are corrected, and if it's complete. I know it's complete, though, as I see the other part there. Normally, I put up fanfics that are complete, contain few to no errors, and have quality content. A good story, in other words.

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 23rd May 2004 23:27

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

Chimera's and Hemophyte's. I need to cut out with that, I know, but I make the same mistake over and over again. No idea where I picked up that bad habit.

I like to write a bit minimalistic, and that doesn't always go with good grammar. I'll think about every single case and decide whether or not it's clear what is happening, and change it if not.

I could've sworn it was Thamasha, but because of an unrelated matter I had a look at it and was suprised by the fact that you are indeed right.

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"All dead." The sound in h

It wasn't clear to me what you're trying to say.


> "There, all dead. Gau thinks they should stop do that, but no man listen to Gau, and get mad fast."

- I know Gau's a little incoherent, but...what is it that he thinks they should stop? Stop having death in their eyes?

I was going to go with "They seem scared and frightened. I have told them repeatedly to stop being so pessimistic, but they do not listen to me.", but had a look at it and thought: "Nah."
I'll decide what to do with it, but for now I've got the feeling that Gau can be incoherent, and if what Gau's trying to say isn't clear to the reader, then that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Quote

"I am Cronos." (the boy)
"I am" (both)
"I am Rhea." (the woman)

Hmm, I liked it myself. I don't think I will change it, since I don't see a better way of putting it.

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why are you calling her The Terra? Are you trying to say she's the earth? It just keeps making me think that you've forgotten a word in between The and Terra. Terra's not a thing; she is a person. Isn't she?

Remember, this is from Terra's point of view. She obviously regards herself as the character Terra, and she looks at something exterior which resembles herself. She can't accept or grasp the fact that there now are two Terra's, so she would think about the other Terra in another manner then 'I'. That leaves she/her (which I tried to see how it would turn out, and it turned out confusing) and the strategy I used, which is 'the Terra'.

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>All above fifty died.

- But not Strago? I thought he died in battle.

Plot Hole...(moan). I'll make that 'most above fifty died'.

I thought that this somehow distancing (that's a word, right?) word would improve the idea of Rhea and Chronos being superior and 'above' the humans. I'll reconsider if it struck you odd.'

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>You are partly human, partly Esper-Human.

I kind of expeced somebody do trip over that, but since Espers were humans, I put it this way. It was a conscious act. The capitals will go, though.


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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

> "All dead." The sound in h

- Suggestion: Hit enter between the last bit of dialogue and this one. That way, the reader can pause long enough to take it in. It's also a good practice to hit enter in between the dialogue of two different characters.

For that, I'm saying to make sure there is a space between that line of dialogue, and the one before it,like this:

"You don’t know anything about Thamasa."

"All dead."

Normally, you put a space between two instances of dialogue by different people. You had them side by side.

Espers were humans? I have never heard that theory, in or out of the game. Do you remember where you saw it?

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 23rd May 2004 23:57

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

It's in the game. Ramuh is talking about the War of the Magi, and sais: " Those unlucky enough to get in their way (the Goddesses) were transformed into Espers and used as living war machines". That's pretty close, anyway. You could extract the fact that all Espers are thus about 1000 years old.
In VI, the king of Baron 'becomes' Odin, but that's besides the point.

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 24th May 2004 09:20

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

Zephir said close to the same thing too, when I asked. Fair enough.

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

Absolutely brilliant, even if loaded with numerous spelling and grammatical errors and odd stylistic tendencies. Couldn't've done it better myself.

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

There's no compliment like a fellow writer's compliment! I can't stress enough how disturbing it can be. Turning in work that's loaded, as you say, with numerous spelling and grammatical errors, gives the impression that it's been done without a lot of interest in writing itself. Not true, ofcourse, but it always strikes me like that. Not to mention the fact that I practically need somebody like Elena99 to do these spellchecks for me.

And about the odd stylistic tendencies...you'll just have to learn and live with them

And Elena, I don't think I've thanked you enough yet for this. How did Stephen King put it? Writing is gold, editing is divine?

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 25th May 2004 10:58

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

I never said I was complaining about your style, I was just stating fact. :-P

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

>Another spellcheck. You should consider yourself very lucky to have such a talented >writer who even goes so far as to actually do spellchecks before submitting.

- More of a general responce to this, not necessarily directed at you, Dji. Writers
should always, always, always spellcheck. Always. The only exception is if you don't have access to a computer, or you don't have access to one that spellchecks in English.We shouldn't be lucky to have writers that spellcheck, we should expect them to spellcheck. </publicserviceannouncement>

>"This is Mobliz", she said.

- "This is Mobliz," she said.

>"Before Kefka put it under the Light of Judgement"

- Light of Judgement." (you missed the full stop.)

>I will show you men’s greatest gift,

- man's (when it's as in the human race, it's singular.)

>when they embraced eachother.

- each other.

>and looked at eachother

- each other

>They looked at eachoher

- each other

>chores and keep eachother compay.

- each other company (does your spellchecker say that eachother is an actual word? If it does, you really should go into it and try to have it removed.)

>Narshe, pulled off his skirt

- You meant shirt, right?

>laid her head into his lap,

- in his lap,

>they loved eachother.

- each other

>leaned back at the wall.

- leaning back at

>but the kid besides him

- kid beside him

>and complained fishing was boring.

- complained that fishing

>Suddenly exited, Owain

- excited

>Love is no more then the will

- than the will

>Love is what makes that life is

- what makes certain (or sure) that life is

> is something better then love.

- better than love.

>True love, she thought had to be the answer

-True love, she thought, had to be the answer

>Would you still love me if tomorrow I had lost all my money, dear?
>Yes, she replies, and I would miss you.)

- Is the joke here that she'd love him, but leave him?

>a single pianola in the corner of the bar.

- what's a pianola?

>It is a intresting side

- an interesting side

>explaining Terra how laughing worked

- explaining to Terra

>what where these two looking for?

- what were

>unlimited amound of time.

- amount of time

>nothing better then this, will to keep

- better than this, the will to keep

>creating unbelieveable sceneries

- scenarios

>would be a distant tirth.

- distant third

>no creation is completed

- complete

>It was Thamasha,

- Thamasa

>Painting, ofcourse: practicing her favorite skill.

- of course

>Both: "That is a surprising argument. We held the existence of the universe for granted, which was a flaw. We will debate with the higher Gods, then with the lesser Gods. Humankind owes its existence to you. We are convinced, and so will the lesser and higher Gods be.

- They were convinced a little quickly. I would have liked to see Terra have to elaborate a little more after their first reaction. Up to you, though.

> faster, faster unil Terra realized she was

- until Terra realized that she was

>the air trough her hair,

- through her

- Okay, that's it. Interesting final answer, I'm glad that it wasn't really death. ^-^ I've just read too many fanfics, I think, that start out with everyone dying in succession like that.

- Anyway, it's quite good. Let me know when you're done with corrections, please, and if you have any questions, post them in this thread or PM.

EDIT:

I was thinking of having it up as three parts, or chapters, the way you have it here. Does that sound alright to you?

This post has been edited by Elena99 on 29th May 2004 20:20

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I had an old signature. Now I've changed it.

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Writers should always, always, always spellcheck.

I know it's nothing directed against me, but for those of you who hadn't been paying attention all year long: I was obviously sarcastic. A spellcheck is the least you can do.

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each other company (does your spellchecker say that eachother is an actual word? If it does, you really should go into it and try to have it removed.)

In fact, I don't have a programmed English spellchecker. It's all done manually by me. I should definately get one, I know, but since my version of Word isn't exactly what anyone would consider 'legal', I can't just get it from the disc. I'll go and chase some people and see if I can find it.

Quote

You meant shirt, right?

Yeah.

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Would you still love me if tomorrow I had lost all my money, dear?
Yes, she replies, and I would miss you.)

Is the joke here that she'd love him, but leave him?

Yes. Is it hard to understand? Since my personal taste is rather Simpson-ish, which wasn't fit for the story, I grabbed this joke I had read not too long ago. I didn't find it exceedingly funny or anything, just a joke that would fit here.

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what's a pianola?

An actual instrument. The piano came forth out of the pianola. Smaller, higher, and a (female dog) to play. A very odd tone, by the way. You'll recognize it instantly. Very string-ish. Imagine a baroquesque (jeez...as if miscellaneous isn't bad enough) piano play and you've got the sound.

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creating unbelieveable sceneries

You sure it needs to be 'scenarios'? I could've sworn sceneries was a word as well, indicating something similair. I mean, you're the experts, but I seem to recall something like this.

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They were convinced a little quickly. I would have liked to see Terra have to elaborate a little more after their first reaction. Up to you, though.

I have thought the same thing a few times, and I have debated with myself if I should change it or not, but I figured that gods would accept the truth when they saw it, not needing any discussion on the topic (and certainly not too each other).

Quote

I was thinking of having it up as three parts, or chapters, the way you have it here. Does that sound alright to you?

Sure. I had a look at it, but couldn't find a better way to do it then the current splits. Be my guest.

Well then, the first fanfiction has been done. There are more I consider posting here in the future, but I'll give it some time. I can at least wait for that English spellchecker to have a look at it. Questions? Comments? Reviews? Bored? Mail me.


This post has been edited by Djibriel on 29th May 2004 23:10

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth

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creating unbelieveable sceneries

Quote (Djibriel)

You sure it needs to be 'scenarios'? I could've sworn sceneries was a word as well, indicating something similair. I mean, you're the experts, but I seem to recall something like this.

Sceneries is a word, but scenarios fits better.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=sceneries
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=scenarios

See? ^-^ Not really all that close to meaning the same thing. =)

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~Status Report~

* Completed... Dragon's Head
* Completed... Soldiers of the Empire: Disciples (release pending)
* In Progress/Undecided... Of Love and Betrayal
* Planning/Assembly... Where it all Began

I see. I knew it had something to do with the surroundings, but I believed it could include other things as well. Scenarios it is (I had edited it to scenarios anyway).

You won't believe how many of these things are based on pure instinct anyway. I mean, I used the word 'gargled' once. I just assumed that was an actual word. And quite a few grammatical issues were handled without any knowledge on the subject.

Just continues to show how brilliant I really am . Regardless, gargled would've fit the image exactly, an official word or not.

This post has been edited by Djibriel on 30th May 2004 22:33

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The Collapse of Heaven and Earth