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The following is a thing that happened to me. I posted it on my tumblr a while back, but I figure I cans post it here too. Enjoy...my suffering:

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So let me tell you how my day has been:

I’m dealing with Riften at the moment (i.e. Skyrim’s Wretched Hive of Scum and Villiany and home of the fantastically retarded Thieves Guild Quest) and talked to the jarl about bounty work. It’s something I’ve been trying to get out of the habit of doing seeing as how I don’t need the cash and it’s just a grind quest, but occasional I’ll get lucky and be given a dragon to catch.

Such was the case this time.



I headed off to the Autumnsomething Tower to get the scaly bastard. Now the tower lay up against the southernmost mountain range in Skyrim and in an attempted to get a better vantage point, I climbed up the range and approached the Tower from the east, near Froki’s shack, if you know the place. From its coloring, I could tell it was an Elder Dragon, which I’d only just recently started dealing with. I’d battled only one before and it was…prolonged. The only approach I could see was going straight up the mountain at it and that did not look appealing. However there was a path leading up further into the mountains and appeared to bend in a manner that would bring me behind the tower and possibly allow a stealthier approach.



I headed through and as I got round the bend was greeted with massive nord arches that indicated a nord ruin nearby, but my compass showed nothing 'cept the tower…and that made me nervous. Nevertheless, I continued on.



Now sneaking forward cautiously, I entered an open area of snow with some nord grave…thing on the other end. Oh and two snow bears.



Alright lesson time! Y’know how in Zelda, they have these enemies that are exactly the same, but one’s more powerful because it’s blue instead of red? Skyrim has the same thing…only with snow. Now regular bears are bad enough cause they got thick f*cking hides, hit like…well, bears, and they don’t give a sh*t about my lvl 100 sneaking and see me no matter what. Now I’m dealing with the same level of ‘f*ck you, Imma bear’ and it just got bumped up a snowy notch…and there’s two of ‘em! I know the dragon I gotta fight is within ear shot and I don’t want to waste resources fighting these bastards, so I run right past them to the other side of the clearing…right into a dragon.



Really game? You’re really gonna pull this sh*t on me? Alright, I got Animal Empathy, but since I just used Kyne’s Peace on the bears, I gotta wait for it to recharge. I see right in the middle of the path is one of those open nord grave sites that typically have treasure, an entrance to a dungeon, or a bad mutherf*cker in ‘em. The compass rules out the possibility of a dungeon, so I cross my fingers and dive in. Guess what?



Suck a dick Skyrim! I’m sneaking when I drop down, but this Draugr DEATHLORD don’t give a sh*t! He spots me before he breaks out of his coffin! Eyes wide with incredulity at the sh*t luck I’ve been dealing with, I hop out the grave, run back to where I’d come from and used my now charged Animal Empathy shout to have the ice bears kick this guys ass…quite aware there’s still a pissed off dragon what needs killing.



The bears do indeed kick his ass with my help, with one falling in the process. However victory is extremely short lived as my Animal Empathy has run out, and I have a dragon still to deal wi—



…

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—-

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Arts

Farts

Twarts

I had this happen to me on the mountain where you learn the Throw Voice shout, only it was a Dragon and a Dragon Priest. My low level mage somehow managed to win this, though, the end result being a 15 minute long ranged battle with fire. Summon Atronach FTW, haha.

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If you've been mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion, and you're in-between.
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just alot of nothing, so what can it mean?
~Frank Zappa

Sins exist only for people who are on the Way or approaching the Way