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Asteroids, the 1979 arcade and Atari 2600 classic, is receiving an adaptation on the big screen. Universal allegedly won out over three other film studios for the film rights to Asteroids, and the project will be written by Matthew Lopez and produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura (a co-producer of Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen).

Now, a screen adaptation of Asteroids is particularly intriguing, since the game is completely devoid of storyline, dialog, or even visuals beyond black and white lines and curves. Check out some Asteroids gameplay here: thanks, YouTube! Universal also has film rights to the classic board games Candy Land and Battleship, which are similarly lacking in narrative.

So what will come of this? No director has been named and the screenwriting process has only just begun, so we know next to nothing about the project thus far.

Source: Gamespot, The Hollywood Reporter

There are clearly no good ideas remaining in Hollywood.


What's next: Tetris? Centipede? Space Invaders? PONG?! When will the madness stop?!

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"When I turn the page
The corner bends into the perfect dog ear
As if the words knew I'd need them again
But at the time, I didn't see it."

~"This Ain't a Surfin' Movie" - Minus the Bear

I have to admit, normally, I would have said "no" to the posting of news like this that was so obscenely not relevant to the site (and I was quite clear about this to Lasz ). However, in this case, I find it so stupidly funny that, well, there you have it.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

There are only three reasons I can see for something so unbelievable to happen (I still don't believe it).

Number one, the bidding war was only a bidding war because some competitive peers decided that they wanted to fight over something, and this popped up. Maybe the winners don't even know what to do with it now other than hire some staff and tell them to make a film about something space-related.

Number two, this is self-indulgence at its most bizarre. The winning bidder just wanted to do something they actually want to do rather than what they think is a good idea. That's not a bad mentality to have I suppose.

Number three, Asteroids represents some industry Holy Grail that lesser folks like us would never understand. To own it is to reach the peak of boardroom success, and, paradoxically, the lurid end of human reasoning.

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Scepticism, that dry rot of the intellect, had not left one entire idea in his mind.

Me on the Starcraft.

Maybe this'll be like that one awesome movie, Armageddon, except the heroes'll stay inside the spaceship, spin around, and shoot.

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Console RPG Cliches

Yes, I'm sure this will feature Will Ferrell and the gang, and they'll make it into some sort of comedy.

Actually, since it was bought by Universal and from the makers of Transformers, it will be made by Michael Bay. And it will feature the loudest, most confusing, and most overdone special effects since, well, Michael Bay's last movie. Asteroids had no story at all, but I suppose that is Michael Bay's specialty: making movies with no story whatsoever.

Come to think of it, this is exactly what I expect from them or anyone in Hollywood. Whenever a story like this we all act shocked. Why? This is what they do on a regular basis. They look for ideas that will sell, and they think this will. What are we so surprised about?

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Praise Be To Helix!

Quote (BlitzSage @ 6th July 2009 19:52)

Come to think of it, this is exactly what I expect from them or anyone in Hollywood. Whenever a story like this we all act shocked. Why? This is what they do on a regular basis. They look for ideas that will sell, and they think this will. What are we so surprised about?

Why do you think this will sell? Maybe the shock factor will garner some interest, but this is probably the least lucrative idea I've ever seen. They've probably paid a lot of money for what is essentially a template for a story about rocks and a small spaceship avoiding them. That's where the surprise ensues. Even the name 'Asteroids' surely won't have that much of an effect on people? Most people won't even know what it is.

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Scepticism, that dry rot of the intellect, had not left one entire idea in his mind.

Me on the Starcraft.

Quote (sweetdude @ 6th July 2009 18:59)

Quote (BlitzSage @ 6th July 2009 19:52)

Come to think of it, this is exactly what I expect from them or anyone in Hollywood. Whenever a story like this we all act shocked. Why? This is what they do on a regular basis. They look for ideas that will sell, and they think this will. What are we so surprised about?

Why do you think this will sell? Maybe the shock factor will garner some interest, but this is probably the least lucrative idea I've ever seen. They've probably paid a lot of money for what is essentially a template for a story about rocks and a small spaceship avoiding them. That's where the surprise ensues. Even the name 'Asteroids' surely won't have that much of an effect on people? Most people won't even know what it is.

I don't know, but I think you underestimate their ability to market stupid ideas. If it does get made, (and that is a big if, because it can get stuck in development hell like many other movie ideas) then they will market that it is based on the arcade game. And everyone has seen or played some version of that game. It's like Pacman or Pong, no one forgets those.

You can say they have stupid ideas, but they've lined their pockets with those dumb ideas too. Now, whether you respect that or not is entirely up to you.

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Praise Be To Helix!

When I read the title I thought to myself "I sure hope that this is based off the arcade game and not just some title they matched any generic sci-fi movie to." Well, you don't disappoint, Lasz.

I will watch this regardless of how terrible it looks just to pay respect to the classics. Respect your elders!

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Is PJ

I don't need all my movies to have plot, or engaging characters, or even any real purpose other than "stuff-go-boom". Sometimes, it's much better to just be entertained by the visual thrill of explosions and asteroids in space, even if they are just white lines on a black background.

I'll watch this movie, no matter how bad it is.

Now, I'm going to go play Asteroids and listen to Don't Wanna Miss A Thing on loop.

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Okay, but there was a goat!

Quote (Caesar @ 7th July 2009 01:18)

I will watch this regardless of how terrible it looks just to pay respect to the classics. Respect your elders!

I think would be direspectful to the "elders" if you watch this movie. Cause I'm sure that Asteroids is turning in its grave at the blasphemy of this idea.

Dragon_Fire, aren't there enough though? Do we really need one more?

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Praise Be To Helix!

Quote (BlitzSage @ 6th July 2009 21:50)

Quote (Caesar @ 7th July 2009 01:18)

I will watch this regardless of how terrible it looks just to pay respect to the classics.  Respect your elders!

I think would be direspectful to the "elders" if you watch this movie. Cause I'm sure that Asteroids is turning in its grave at the blasphemy of this idea.

Haha. As true as this may be, I have become far too involved with the arcade and gaming community to not watch a movie dedicated to one of the most well-known of the classic arcade games. Even if the movie itself is terrible, it will immediately prompt a huge surge of interest in the original game so critics-at-heart can point and say "look at how awesome this game is and how terrible the movie is." I'm sure the Asteroids game is perfectly content with all the free publicity it will be receiving from this endeavor.

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Is PJ

I hate to say it, because I respect it as a pioneer, but I never really liked it. I liked Space Invaders and Donkey Kong much more.

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Praise Be To Helix!

Quote (BlitzSage @ 6th July 2009 21:50)

Cause I'm sure that Asteroids is turning in its grave at the blasphemy of this idea.

Actually, to be accurate, it's spinning in a 360-degree circle in its grave.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

Quote (BlitzSage @ 7th July 2009 03:50)

Quote (Caesar @ 7th July 2009 01:18)

I will watch this regardless of how terrible it looks just to pay respect to the classics.  Respect your elders!

I think would be direspectful to the "elders" if you watch this movie. Cause I'm sure that Asteroids is turning in its grave at the blasphemy of this idea.

Err...if making this is disrespectful to anyone, it's not the source, because there's no way to ruin a spaceship blowing up asteroids. There's not enough material there to botch.

This is, at the very worst, disrespectful to gamers, because you might guess the producers think like this: "The sods will buy anything that's marketed as based on a video game." However, I think this is not the case here, or rather, that they think along those lines, however not in an evil way, but rather in stupid one. It's not lack of respect, it's lack of thought.

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"I fell off the mountain of words at around the 10,000ft mark. Tell my family...they owe me money." -Narratorway

"If you retort against this, so help me God I'll shove any part of your anatomy I can find into some other part. Figuratively, of course." - Josh

"We have more, can deliver tuesday." - Del S

Good old CoN

Quote (SilverMaduin @ 7th July 2009 15:47)

Err...if making this is disrespectful to anyone, it's not the source, because there's no way to ruin a spaceship blowing up asteroids. There's not enough material there to botch.

Exactly. It's a bunch of 2d rocks and spaceship. Even if you like it, it's not like they bought the rights to Ocarina of Time or a Final Fantasy game. Heck, Donkey Kong arcade had more of a story than Asteroids.

Edit

R51, I guess that's true. I regret not coming up with that in my post.

This post has been edited by BlitzSage on 7th July 2009 16:27

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Praise Be To Helix!