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It seems that over a period of time I have rarely posted here on CoN, but I have recently made a return...


Things in my life have changed since the beginning of last year. I have watched how things have changed. Experiencing a near-fatal car accident that afffected me was one of those experiences and it still affects me to today.

I had a ruptured appendix two months later that put me out of work for a month and affected me in school. I still flashback to how painful that was.

Summer brought in a wave of depression for me that still is bugging me today that concerns me about me about my future, and realizing that when my stepmom gave birth to my half-brother. THings took a bigger change in my life.

Fall caused me to sink even worse, that is until November 2nd. Things changed forever in my life when I met a girl, a girl who changed me so much. I had fallen in love with this girl. Me and her got to be real close, and while we weren't going out things were close.

However, when she and I came to termsand found out about me liking her. We got closer, but we never went out, but she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. I learned how one of my best friends broke her heart and humiliated her to the point of putting her back in depression.

I became closer with her and we have been there for eachother. What hurts though is that I have been patient with this girl for over 6 months, but her being indecisive on things and saying one thing and doing another has caused me hurt and I want a relationship, but feel I can no longer wait because it is going to cause me more hurt.

These are but a few things that have happened over the past year and a half, and while I love this girl, I feel that I will never be together with her and hurts me so much.

I'm lost for words.

Still, good to have you back.

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"I fell off the mountain of words at around the 10,000ft mark. Tell my family...they owe me money." -Narratorway

"If you retort against this, so help me God I'll shove any part of your anatomy I can find into some other part. Figuratively, of course." - Josh

"We have more, can deliver tuesday." - Del S

Good old CoN

Well, as good as my dealings are with helping people try to come closer together, I can understand her viewpoint. I mean I understand you really want to have a relationship with her, but don't forget that one of your best friends hurt her really bad.

If he could do that she probably has the hint that she thinks you could do the same. Don't get me wrong, Im not saying you ever would, but just remember some wounds take longer than others to heal.

Good to have ya back btw

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Kefka's Message of the week: Get off your couch noobs and get my new game Dissidia 012

Welcome back GC. Sorry to hear about your rough year and a half. Not sure if you're looking for advice on your relationship, so I won't try to offer you any. Just know that any time a door shuts, grab a brick and throw it through the window.

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"And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped” -Sir Bedevere the Wise

Man, I can kind of relate to having a rough time the last year or so. The important thing is that we're still here. Just keep truckin' while you have the chance. Welcome back.

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Climhazzard is the timeless evil robot who runs some of the cool stuff at CoN (mostly logging chat, since there are no quizzes at the moment), all the while watching and waiting for his moment to take over the world. -Tiddles

I wouldn't do anything to her, but now it looks like things appear to be nothing more than a friendship, so now I will look elsewhere. It seems that moving on appears to be the best option.

If work wasn't so stressing and with the semester ending, things will only get better.

What about reconciling things between her and your friend?

(Heh, I'm just throwing out a suggestion, don't count on me as an advice column.)

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Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing.

You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey )

THey don't talk to eachother anymore, but she thinks heis a bastard, but still loves him (not romanticaly it seems.)

I'm going to talk to her about this when I see her this weekend, and moving on, but retaining the friendship.

She thanks me for reaching out and being her friend, even though I didn't have to. She appreciated me for taking an interest in her life and making conversation with her (we talk alot on the phone and text alot as well). She thanks me for going out of my way to show that I care about her.

Quote (GamblingCat @ 7th May 2009 14:45)

She thanks me for reaching out and being her friend, even though I didn't have to. She appreciated me for taking an interest in her life and making conversation with her (we talk alot on the phone and text alot as well). She thanks me for going out of my way to show that I care about her.

Well, I guess even if it isn't going to be a relationship, it seems that you've got a good solid friendship going there. That's a good thing.

This post has been edited by Glenn Magus Harvey on 7th May 2009 19:49

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Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing.

You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey )

It sounds like you are stuck in the "Friend Zone". You're there for her to lean on whenever she's down, but for whatever reason, she doesn't see you as someone she can date (at least right now).

That's where I'm at right now myself with this one girl...unfortunately the ups and downs will never reach a peak until you try something different. A talk like that is a good start, but you have to really let her know where you stand. Don't make compromises with yourself.

You may say a lot of good things, but it can all go to waste if your tone ends with "but I promise I'll always be there for you if you need me". If you want to get the girl, you have to make sure she knows she's missing out on something. Have the talk, then find a way to become busy.

If a girl doesn't have to try whatsoever to get your attention (meaning, you answer every one of her calls, and text back asap. that you're there for her the second she asks), she loses interest. Don't make yourself available after this talk. Or else it's meaning won't set in to her, and you'll just keep being stuck there until you gradually drift apart.

Gradualness is the worst way to go...

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The clouds ran away, opened up the sky
And one by one I watched every constellation die
And there I was frozen, standing in my backyard
Face to face, eye to eye, staring at the last star
I should've known, walked all the way home
To find that she wasn't here, I'm still all alone

-Atmosphere "Always Coming Back Home to You"

Know how you feel.....


if you need anything send xshoganxm a message on aim.

Quote (Tidu-who @ 7th May 2009 20:41)

It sounds like you are stuck in the "Friend Zone". You're there for her to lean on whenever she's down, but for whatever reason, she doesn't see you as someone she can date (at least right now).

That's where I'm at right now myself with this one girl...unfortunately the ups and downs will never reach a peak until you try something different. A talk like that is a good start, but you have to really let her know where you stand. Don't make compromises with yourself.

You may say a lot of good things, but it can all go to waste if your tone ends with "but I promise I'll always be there for you if you need me". If you want to get the girl, you have to make sure she knows she's missing out on something. Have the talk, then find a way to become busy.

If a girl doesn't have to try whatsoever to get your attention (meaning, you answer every one of her calls, and text back asap. that you're there for her the second she asks), she loses interest. Don't make yourself available after this talk. Or else it's meaning won't set in to her, and you'll just keep being stuck there until you gradually drift apart.

Gradualness is the worst way to go...

I have my own disagreements with this, along with the whole "ladder theory" thing. I haven't yet been in a relationship myself, granted (apart possibly from the current flurry of constant conversation with this one girl that I'm having right now, which, based on context and content, seems like it might be more than just conversation), but I've had a lot of experiences where I've fallen in love with a girl, and been infatuated for a week or two and then suddenly realized that no, we'd have drastic lifestyle or philosophical differences that would be a big problem in an actual relationship.

So my personal opinion is, don't try to ram a relationship through the starting gate if you're still in "infatuation mode". (Then again, I am known to be slow to catch opportunities, romantic and otherwise. So take what I say with several grains of salt.)

Just thought I'd get this point out here, even if it risks getting me warned for being somewhat off-topic.

In any case, no matter whose approach is right (and I think different approaches to romance work better for different people), I hope everything goes well for you, GamblingCat.

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Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing.

You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey )

Quote (Tidu-who @ 8th May 2009 00:41)

It sounds like you are stuck in the "Friend Zone". You're there for her to lean on whenever she's down, but for whatever reason, she doesn't see you as someone she can date (at least right now).

That's where I'm at right now myself with this one girl...unfortunately the ups and downs will never reach a peak until you try something different. A talk like that is a good start, but you have to really let her know where you stand. Don't make compromises with yourself.

You may say a lot of good things, but it can all go to waste if your tone ends with "but I promise I'll always be there for you if you need me". If you want to get the girl, you have to make sure she knows she's missing out on something. Have the talk, then find a way to become busy.

If a girl doesn't have to try whatsoever to get your attention (meaning, you answer every one of her calls, and text back asap. that you're there for her the second she asks), she loses interest. Don't make yourself available after this talk. Or else it's meaning won't set in to her, and you'll just keep being stuck there until you gradually drift apart.

Gradualness is the worst way to go...

I agree with this. That's exactly what I thought.

Ideally, your partner will also be your best friend, but she's got to be attracted to you as well.

If my girlfriend is being awkward, I just ignore her for a while and do something else. She practically expects it in a man. If you really want this woman, and you think there's a chance she wants you, then turn your phone off and go and do something else for a few days. It will give you time to think, and you know she'll be thinking of you too. When you next meet she'll be very happy to see you again. If anything it will give you a fresh start to try a new approach.

Anyway, that's some year you've had. It's good that people are still coming back to this forum.

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Scepticism, that dry rot of the intellect, had not left one entire idea in his mind.

Me on the Starcraft.

Yeah it appears we were going to be just very close friends. She, another close friend, and I hung out actually last weekend, but I realize that I am being less and less attracted to her.

As saturday she didn't seem so appealing after she took off her shades and looked like she wasnt wearing makeup or something of that sort as she seemed less attractive.

She is also the pickiest eatier i've met, she threw a fit at my friends party because all we had was shredded cheese for the burgers. And when we got Pizza afterwards, there was alot of grease on the pizza and she grabbed the napkins to wipe off all the grease. I think she needs to actually take some risks in her life, because she nevers seems to have.


Then we all hang out again Sunday night, but this time she looked damn sexy (by my standards, which aren't high) for a change, and I still find this hard to try and move on from the fact that me and her won't be together.

The song 88 by Sum 41 would perfectly describe how I feel about all this.

Hahaha, I'm all for playing coy, but make sure you use caution. I usually just get frustrated when I can't reach someone, especially a friend. If you really ever feel like it'll help, though, just make sure to eventually return the call/text and explain where you are in a way that doesn't make you look unreliable.

Really, though, I hate to say it. But if she doesn't like you, there's not much you can do. If you keep pushing her, she'll just get fed up and not even want you as a friend.

Also: make sure you're not just playing into the knight in shining armor/friend role and getting walked on as a result. I have a friend who has that problem; because he's always there when you need him-- a lot of girls have him do way too many things for them because of their "problems in life," which are usually just complaints.

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You're telling me that there's no hope.

I'm telling you you're wrong.

I think with her that she just wants to be friends, I do agree it is frustrating when you can't reach someone, especially if you want to talk to them.

She isn't really the type to walk all over me and doesn't ask alot of me, although she did use me as a shoulder to cry on of sorts when she told me of a past relationship that really affected her.

Honestly she is a very complex (and a bit narcisistic) woman, never really met a person like her.

Well, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometime.

Then again, I haven't yet been the person that a ton of friends come and use as a crying shoulder, so I can't say when it's too much. Though one of my friends apparently does fit that role, and I do feel bad when she gets everyone's sob stories weighing down her day.

This post has been edited by Glenn Magus Harvey on 15th May 2009 02:15

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Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing.

You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey )

Quote (Tidu-who @ 8th May 2009 00:41)

You may say a lot of good things, but it can all go to waste if your tone ends with "but I promise I'll always be there for you if you need me". If you want to get the girl, you have to make sure she knows she's missing out on something.

Wish I'd heard that earlier.


We're all young though aren't we. Plenty of time to get over things.

I used to fancy this girl in my class at college who I've been a shoulder to cry on for nearly two years now. She's had relationship problems and stuff.

The way I see it now is that they wouldn't tell you their problems and cry on you if they liked you in that way, I mean would us guys? If you liked a girl you'd keep your mouth shut. I wouldn't want a girl to see me cry, especially if I fancied her, that's not hot at all.

I also used to think that girls would go out with me simply because I'm a nice guy. There's got to be a mutual attraction there though. Don't mistake a girl talking to you as a sign that she fancies you - girls simply love to talk.

Lots has happened with me in the past few days.

On Thursday, me and her met up at my college. And I saw that she was selling textbooks from her college, she wound up getting 10$ and asked me to get some ice cream with her, and we got ice cream together.

Before I knew it, she was at my dads house and met my stepmom and half-brother. She seemed to really like her and thought that she was a very nice girl.

Saturday came, and I went to something with her and her parents (I have met her parents before but it was over 4 months ago). And she met my family, and of course my family thought she was a nice and sweet person. My mom proceeded to go out and meet her parents who had given me a ride home that night.

Sunday Afternoon I went to a BBQ with friends and she of course was there, and we talked alot, and such and had a good time as it seems more and more that she likes me.

I got off the phone with her after talking to her for about 30 minutes (this is normal as we usually talk for 40 minutes on the phone on average) and I will be getting to see her tomorrow and this excites me of course.

Good things I feel are happening right now and I feel blessed to have this awesome girl in my life.

Damn Brudda! Damn! youve got on HELL of an exciting life! the most exciting thing that happened to me was falling out of my bed this morning!

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Since I advertise CoN there I think it's only fair that I advertise The Wiki here.

Maybe it's just because I personally don't feel the need to get involved in relationships but you might want to consider that you might simply be better off as friends, especially if this is a first crush. Romantic relationships rarely ever last and once it's over, the friendship will never be quite the same due to feelings of awkwardness. I'm not saying not to pursue it but rather, to carefully weigh the risks of failure to the pain of never knowing what could've been. In this type of situation, some people are left tormented over simply not knowing how much better things could've been if they'd only been a little braver and others regret even ever having had met the person if things don't go well. The emotions involved with this sort of thing are really rather strong and not to be trifled with lightly.

Women always look worse without their makeup on, that's just a fact of life. I don't take it you found her completely repulsive, right? If so, forget it. In six or seven years, when the initial excitement of the relationship starts to settle down and you're both looking a little more aged, you'll wonder what you're even doing with her. Even if there is no official break up, this can be a rather unhappy state, as feel cold to her. While it is repulsive, I believe this may be why most people cheat on their significant others, because they're searching for that lost 'spark' so to speak.

It's very important for you to question if this is even somebody you could stay together with even that long with and remain faithful to. You may have a very high opinion of her but don't let that give you the wrong impression: Every single living breathing person is flawed. When you love somebody it may be harder to see their faults but as you both become closer and closer, it'll be harder to remain blind to them. At its closest, you'll each become more expectant of one another, so you'll have to consider if the sacrifices and lifestyle changes you'd probably have to make are worth it. Dropping or reducing the time spent on prior hobbies to have more time to spend with her, being less lazy so you can help her with household work. Do you plan on being a family man? Who'd play which role in the relationship? A difference of opinion on matters like that can be a deal breaker.

Before you feel like there'd be absolutely no harm, in nonpursuit, you'll also want to consider this: With this sense of closeness, it isn't certain but she could possibly feel the same way about you as you feel about her right now. Why would she seem like she isn't? She could be just as shy as you! Wondering if you like her, if you don't, if things could work. You could miss out on a lot if so, she may be your one only chance at true love. As an additional possibility, for some reason, girls of virtually all cultures are expected to play coy to a degree.
Another thing to take notice of is if you decide not to pursue the relationship and she does like you, simply going on with the rest of your life could be potentially damaging to the friendship too. If you start dating other girls she may become rather jealous causing awkward, inexplicable 'bouts of behavior. Don't automatically assume such is the case though, as there could be other explanations. Off the top of my head, periods come to mind and so does general stress. At any rate, long story short, such situations can become messy, fast.

Listen, I know I don't know you and you're not asking for my specific opinion. However, after reading this I feel it's important to bring to your attention the difficulties that may lie down the road. I don't want to scare you but the stakes seem rather high and I don't want to see anybody making a lifelong mistake because of a lack of foresight. It may be very important of me right now to note I've never been in a relationship myself. However, I have passively observed the relationships of others and have come to the conclusion that it isn't worth it for me. It'll take many long 'bouts of contemplation and self reflection before you can reach any conclusion for yourself. On this note, if you have any other close friends or family of proven discretion it might be a good idea to see their take on it too, as we internet folk aren't as close to the people or situation and may not completely understand your emotions or personal psychology. They may have some additional insight as to wether or not things could really be, and perhaps even relax you into the courage needed to take the real first big step. I know the veil of anonnymity over the internet can leave one feeling quite secure with one's secrets but for manners like this, that security does come at the price of general ignorance. If possible, it's best not to do this alone and unfortunately, the one person I think you could tell everything else to, for these purposes is the riskiest person to ask.

Also, hi, welcome back and nice to meet you. I hope I'm not leaving a scary, rude or presumptuous first impression. I certainly acknowledge it as a possibility however! XD Also, upon further review, this response seems slightly untimely. Are there any updates on the situation or do things still stand the same?

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Role reversal at its finest.

I wound up getting into a relationship with that girl, last August and we dated for a few months, but we broke it off and are friends now, but her and I are likely to end the friendship after some issues. I won't be seeing her as much next month as I'm moving to Ohio when I finish this semester.

Edit

I remained friends with her until last week after she made some comments that offended myself and my family (particularly my sister). It turned out with her and my friend that she and him never dated, and that she was stalking him and creeping him out.

This post has been edited by GamblingCat on 22nd July 2010 14:27