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This is a thread I opened about my project B.O.S.S. In this one, if I have any questions, I'll post em in here.

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

Why do you need all these threads about a project you haven't even really started? This isn't a forum solely for your project, you see - one thread should be more than enough.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

Ok, I really would like to post some pictures on Project B.O.S.S. but, try as I might, I cannot get them onto this site. I have them on my flash drive and am wondering how I would go about getting them onto here?
(Note: I answered ur question on Project B.O.S.S. (your questions) rangers51)

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

I don't see why you need three open threads to discuss one project. It is hardly so large that people will become confused, and if you can't organize your own thoughts better than that, I would worry for the sake of your project anyway.

I will let you choose which topics you want to close.

Are you using the File Attachments option when you post? You need to be more clear about what problems you are having, and I would suggest doing it in a personal message or a thread in the errors and troubleshooting forum, because it's clearly off topic in your own threads here.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

you can take down the question about anime thread. I've already got the story running now so it isn't needed anymore. I'd really like to keep these both and I don't plan to open anymore threads on the project so these will be it.
Also, thx for your help. Dang, I feel stupid now though. I never noticed the File Attachments option down there. thx.
10/1/07
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I'm still tryin to get the creative juices flowin so I wanted to present a character for the story and see what you guys think. Here's a clip of the story. Note: this a clip out of the MIDDLE of chapter one and is ONLY meant to get you a discription of Sovor so you can judge HIM. The beginning of the actual story is below.
"One army is lead by a being serving under the dark lord, Evertovos Rex. To make things short, if Satan is the prince of darkness, Evertovos Rex is the king. Evertovos Rex was sealed away somewere in the universe many eternities ago. However, before he was sealed away, he used all his power to release his spawn unto the universe. Thus the Evertovos Rex army was created." And here is the character I'd like to present. "Their leader during this war was Sovor. Sovor was 1/2 mile high by 1/2 mile wide. His body is basically a massive spiked armored ball. The spikes are sharp enough to cut any natural substance in our relm. The substance the armor and spikes are made of is an organic substance that only the everto spawn can produce. It is indestructible and, to this date, impenetrable. This substance is know as everto alloy. Energy ports run throughout the spikes for releasing energy barriers and/or attacks. He has 20 tentacles that act as both his arms and legs and are also full of energy ports. These tenctacles are capable of absorbing energy and releasing energy. His head is half-way up his body and is basically two massive jaws with massive teeth. He has no throat but, instead, a dimentional eye in his mouth. The eye is his only means of sight but that fact doesn't hinder his species because the eye is also his organ for sensing smell and sound both of which the eye can sense better than anything in this relm. The eye also acts as an energy converter that can convert ANYTHING it comes in contact with into pure energy which the body stores for later use. The eye is were his most devastating attacks reside." So... what do u guys think?
Note: the file attached is a picture of Sovor's head. My friend is a pretty good artist and drew it up for me.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 05:05

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

To be perfectly honest, the whole idea sounds a little...not too good. I don't say that rudely, I'm just expressing my opinion, which isn't very important.

Something about the idea just doesn't really click with me, and the name Evertovos Rex makes me think of an intergalactic dinosaur. Also, "Satin" is the Prince of Darkness' name? Meh.

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NEVER put salt in your eyes.

The name Evertovos Rex is actually a name I put a lot of planning into making. It means Big Demon King. Trust me, there were a lot of other names I could of used but Evertovos Rex is was a name that stuck once I came up with it. Anyways, I was actually asking of what you guys thought of Sovor, not Evertovos Rex. There's actually way more behind the Evertovos Rex character than I listed, it just hasn't come up in the story yet. So please don't post about him because his full character hasn't come into play yet. Thx for your insite though.
Oh and the Satin is the prince of darkness thing was just an analogy I used to try and show you guys how evil Evertovos Rex is by comparing him to the evilest thing that you guys would know about (I hope you know who Satan is). In case anyone doesn't know who Satin is, I changed my post to say, "the devil". I hope that makes things a little clearer.

Edit: I changed all the Satins to Satans.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 04:32

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

Satin is a smooth, soft fabric. Satan is one of the names given to Lucifer.

If you're looking for opinions, I would offer that one up first: make sure you're able to spell all the things you are trying to articulate about your stories.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

Sovor is killable by means of conventional, if expensive, weaponry. One big implosion bomb with a proximity mechanism will destroy him.
Even taking his size into account, it would rip a big enough hole in his body to kill him (unless he doesn't need internal organs, is immune to massive injury shock and has regeneration through the roof. Such powers were never mentioned.) As it is not energy discharge, but absorption his own energy conversion and absorption power would prove little use. It would of course have to connect first, which is always the hardest part.

Does any personality come with the eye-mouth monster? I like villains with character.

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"I fell off the mountain of words at around the 10,000ft mark. Tell my family...they owe me money." -Narratorway

"If you retort against this, so help me God I'll shove any part of your anatomy I can find into some other part. Figuratively, of course." - Josh

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Good old CoN

Maybe "Satin" is a clever, sophisticated, yet nigh-indecipherable play on words.

Well, it IS the most interesting name in the whole bunch. Evertovos Rex? Sovors? Sounds like you just drew letters out of a hat.

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I find your lack of faith disturbing...

Isn't Evertovos Rex latin? I know Rex means "king" but not quite sure about the rest. Then again I don't know much latin.

If that's the case, you have a problem. How can something have a latin name when existed long before Earth? Or is that just the name people gave him? If so, why go through the trouble of giving "Big Bad Evil Being" a latin name?

Mind you, I'm not bashing the idea. I'm just curious. In my game, Endless Saga, I use latin quite a bit (the cult behind one of the storyline's main branches is named "Denuo Sator" for instance) as well as references to the Sephiroto (the Malkuth, for instance) and other parts of the Kabbalah (the Otzar, mainly.) None of these names could, logically, exist because the game world doesn't have the same socio-cultural/religious history as the real world. But I feel that's exactly why I'm justified in using these names: they don't have any meaning in the game world so they're basically up for grabs, and to the player it'll add a layer of symbolism they can work their way through to speculate about the storyline.

So really, I'm just curious about the origins more than the logic. Assuming this does take place on Earth and Earth's history hasn't been changed, giving your character a latin name could mean he was known since the days of the Roman Empire, for instance.

Edit: 99% certain that Sovor's weak spot is his "dimensional eye." It's kinda predictable. Then again I've always felt monsters as villains were an entire grade more boring than humain villains...

This post has been edited by Silverlance on 2nd October 2007 22:18

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"Judge not a man by his thoughts and words, but by
the quality and quantity of liquor in his possession
and the likelyhood of him sharing."

Boss, how old are you? Just curious.

When I think of Sovor, I picture a Contra boss, and me blasting him in his big eye with the spread shot. Sovor also makes me think of this picture.

This post has been edited by SonOfASubmariner! on 2nd October 2007 23:53

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NEVER put salt in your eyes.

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Isn't Evertovos Rex latin? I know Rex means "king" but not quite sure about the rest. Then again I don't know much latin.

that would be my guess.

to be honest, it sounds sorta bland. super-amazingly evil guy. S-A-E-G gets defeated and sealed a super long time ago. Crap, there was a mistake. Now there are a bunch of almost as super-amazingly evil guys out there who will almost certainly try to revive S-A-E-G.

ok, so this sovor character. you just explain his entire body and such, making him sound completely undefeatable, though im sure at some point he will be taken out. is there any background to it? then again, i suppose a 1/2 by 1/2 mile wide guy can't have too much of a social life.

also, as silverlance said, monster enemies aren't as good in general as human ones, since the human ones are at least capable of having emotions and reasons for doing what they do.

finally, since you didn't really give other info, its hard to judge what is happening? if you could give us some more of the plot...?

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Quote (SonOfASubmariner! @ 2nd October 2007 19:47)

Boss, how old are you? Just curious.

I'm also very curious about this.

But anyways, I still think we need more info. What is Sovor's personality? How do B.O.S.S. and Electricman all fit into this? What exactly are Sovor's motives? How long ago was this compared to the "present" situation?

Yeah, sorry for the questions. These threads are also making me seriously question my creative skills...

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FFIVDS looks awesome, right? Especially the character scans. I mean, look at that CGI scan of Yang. You see it and you just think...badass. And then you look at his polka-dot pants, likely stolen from a Dr. Seuss book. And then you just...shiver.

I don't mean to sound...er...,mean, but this is chalk full of cliche. First of all, how is something locked away for more than one eternity? Secondly, the big bad sealed evil being locked away while it's progeny run wild all over is more or less the theme is most stories.

The idea of this giant monster with an almost all power eye in it's mouth sounds like just a tacky gimmick to have rampant destruction take place. It's been said but a villan with personality is better than any giant monster that can eat it's way through the cosmos. Unless it has both and you just haven't specified that yet, then my bad I suppose.

The names, at least, are interesting enough.

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Okay, but there was a goat!

As presented so far, the concept is unimpressive. DP nailed it with his post about a 'super amazing evil guy'. This is a story that has been done before, many. many times and your version - as presented so far - appears to offer nothing new.

I wouldn't read it.

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Arts

Farts

Twarts

I was hoping by letting you guys know that I was only gonna give you the info on Sovor for you to critique him would tell you that their is way more info on the story and other characters that isn't posted here. My post on Sovor was, and only meant to, give you the characteristics of Sovor so you could do that. Thats actually a clip out of Chapter one and the whole project is still in rough draft at best. As I said in I would, I'll post my Prologue here so you guys know the beginning of the story. Here it is.
Prologue
A lone being stands ready in a dark stairway. He is a shadow being with dark energy radiating from his body that is so powerful that its blackness has left him with his only means of sight being to wear special white silver sunglasses. This energy has long since hid all aspects of seeing his physical appearance except for that he is tall and strong. He knows all forms of combat and is skilled with any weapon but his weapon of choice are two duel blade swords that have a special hilt and sheath that allow him to fire his dark energy at his enemies as energy bullets. Nothing else is know about him. In the shadow consumed stairway he isn't even visible to those of the keenest of eyes as he stairs up the endless staircase that spirals up and up into the obscure top of the tower.... The figure then starts going over his plan as he talks to himself. You see, this man is... well.... this is actually his story so why not let him be in charge of it?
"I have spent a long time planning this one. Let me go over this one last time. My clients are to knock out the power and cause a disturbance so large that all of E.L.A.A.S. will be drawn out of their quarters that lay throughout the tower leaving him vulnerable. Then I'm to sneak in the tower, climb it, and confront him one on one....."
These are my thoughts as I walk, alone, up the stairs into the darkness. The darkness that hides the quarry that I shall face in combat.... Electricman. As I walk, I can only think of all the things that this supposed hero of his people has done and grip my twin-blades with anticipation to show him them up close. Who am I? I am B.O.S.S. the dark warrior. Who is Electricman and what has he done to deserve this? Well, I shall tell you as I walk my lone walk. this is the story of me, my sister, and a project so secret his own beloved wife has, or had, no idea about. This is the story of B.O.S.S.

After that, I begin chapter I Universal War I ends and, since I'm still working on it, I don't have really anything to post on it. As the story progresses, everything shall become clear. Thx for giving me all your insite on this project as I get it off the ground. Oh yeah. Im 18 by the way.
And thx for showing me that I'm stupid again, I always write Satin when I'm talkin about Satan. For the latin bit, the story does take place in what would be the present day. And Evertovos Rex is the name given to him after after... well.... if I told you that I'd be giving away a big part of the story. So sorry. Also, whats funny is I accidently ommited a couple of sentenses from Sovors description that I just realized I missed and came to insert when I notice you guys are talkin about how to kill him. The sentenses are, "The substance the armor and spikes are made of is an organic substance that only the everto spawn can produce. It is indestructible and, to this date, impenetrable. This substance is know as everto alloy." I also have a picture of B.O.S.S. I made 2 years ago. I want to note though that, back then, I never planned on letting much of the public know about him so I used a lot of copyrighted aspects in his story. I'll shut up now before I blather on anymore. Thx again though.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 05:36

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

Gonna have to call you out on something: you're not 18.

I'm not sold on the storyline (it's just not my thing) so I won't judge the content too harshly. However there's one thing I'm really bothered by: your grammar. Your spelling is fairly good and it's great that you've used a spell-check program. Most people don't and end up looking stupid. But many of your sentences could be split up into two or more parts, you repeat yourself frequently, and some parts simply sound unusual (at some point you switch from first person to third person mid-sentence, even.) This is something important, because if your reader is uneasy with the way you write, they'll lose enjoyment.

Plot-wise, you should give your plan a little more thought. If there were a power outage, guards would have to be pretty dim to all suddently run out and leave their leader completely defenseless during what's almost certainly some sort of attack. It's just too dumb of them. Try seeing the story from their perspective as if they were the main characters, and see how they would react to what your charcter throws at them.

Good luck!

This post has been edited by Silverlance on 3rd October 2007 04:42

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"Judge not a man by his thoughts and words, but by
the quality and quantity of liquor in his possession
and the likelyhood of him sharing."

I am thoroughly confused. You should really work on using consistent tense and perspective, especially within the same sentence. I don't have too much time to give specific examples because Physics homework is not finished yet (bah), but the very last sentence of your chapter excerpt stands out. Half of it is in first person but then you suddenly change to third person when you mention the wife.

I'm also entirely confused by what you intended to tell us in that post. You said that you would mention more about Sovor, so I figured that's who you talked about in the first paragraph. Well then you said it was some other guy, Electricman, who we know nothing about except for all of his attacks and tactics. Then you give us his thoughts and his plan, but then later in the paragraph, since you use first person through this whole paragraph, seem to be talking about the main protagonist which might be B.O.S.S. but I'm not entirely sure because everything is so unclear. So this whole introduction can be either Sovor, Electricman, or B.O.S.S. or any other character, really.

The plot doesn't seem to make any sense to me, the characters seem boggled and cliched, and the writing is just, well, plain. There isn't much sentence variety, there is a lot of tense and perspective inconsistency (like I mentioned before), and a lot of the words are repeated ad nauseam (like the word "dark" for instance). I probably won't read any more.

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Is PJ

I was actually hoping to not shove mass amounts of info down peoples throats. The Prologue isn't really meant to do much but give the description of B.O.S.S. and get him to talk about his past were everything will be made clear. His past is suppost to go from the beginning of project B.O.S.S. all the way up to doing the actuall raid of this tower. The secret is that, normally, only a small portion of E.L.A.A.S. would leave. In this instance, however, they all left. B.O.S.S. actually knows why this is, can you guess on why though? I'd like to fix my mistakes though as I don't like knowing I have errors in it so could you give me a couple of good examples of my grammer errors so I can actually see were I'm messing up and fix it. I'd really appreciate it. And thx for telling me that I'm not 18, that really made my friends laugh at me. But seriously, I am.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 05:20

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

Quote (TrueBOSS @ 2nd October 2007 23:27)

A lone being stands ready in a dark stairway. He is a dark being with dark energy radiating from his body in such darkness that his only means of sight is by wearing special white silver sunglasses. This energy has long since hid all aspects of seeing his physical appearance except for that he is tall and strong. He knows all forms of combat and is skilled with any weapon but his weapon of choice are two duel blade swords that have a special hilt and sheath that allow him to fire his dark energy at his enemies as energy bullets. Nothing else is know about him. In the darkness he isn't even visible to those of the keenest of eyes as he stairs up the endless staircase that spirals up and up into the darkness at the top of the tower.... The figure then starts going over his plan as he talks to himself. You see, this man is... well.... this is actually his story so why not let him be in charge of it?

This is the only thing I could think about while reading this "Prologue"

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/05/05
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/05/05

It made me smile, but I don't think that was your desired effect.

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I find your lack of faith disturbing...

Caesar: sorry, I didn't see your post when I typed the last one. The story is about B.O.S.S. and starts in the prologue. The reason it switches between 1st person to 3rd is because it starts out as us with B.O.S.S. but then he starts talking about the past in which he is going to tell about the events that lead to him being in the tower to take down Electricman. Unless your talking about how I switch from talking about B.O.S.S. to it being B.O.S.S. actually talking. In that case, I only talked long enough to let people know about the character B.O.S.S. as the narrator then I give the story to B.O.S.S. were it shall stay for the rest of his story. The way I set up the beggining is more meant to have an inside plot that isn't know to you yet but will become clear as B.O.S.S. talks about the past events. I know I used dark a lot in an intent to put emphasis on the dark nature (physical and mental) of the character B.O.S.S.
Kappa the Imp: Well, I'm glad it gave someone a kick.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 05:23

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter

I suppose what I, and possible Caesar, meant to say is that your writing could benefit from a few synonymes instead of repeating words. Ie, dark, darkness, shadow, night, black, obscurity, etc..

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"Judge not a man by his thoughts and words, but by
the quality and quantity of liquor in his possession
and the likelyhood of him sharing."

thx for your insite, it really helped.
Oh and I forgot to make a comment that I should have made 2 posts ago.
I'm actually suprised that a bunch of people posted before one guy decided to ask,

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how is something locked away for more than one eternity?

Congrats to Dragon_Fire for catching this. This is actually running off of a complex theory I have. I'll try discussing it sometime but am too tired to talk about it right now.

This post has been edited by TrueBOSS on 3rd October 2007 06:51

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He's Back. He is The_TrueBOSS.
Check me and my partners out at: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrueBOSSofJupiter