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Okay fellow register monkeys, here's a chance to air your grievances, because doing so at work would get you fired. Be as general or specific as you want, because I will do both.

1. I am not your personal shopper.
2. Actually try looking for it. The majority of what I am asked to find is on Feature, and requires ten-ish steps in the direction of the section it's in, and a turning of the neck.
3. I need to know what you are looking for. I don't need to know why. You do not need to spend ten minutes telling me about your mother's cancer, your daughter's divorce, your friend's niece's engagement, and your trip to Iowa for arthritis treatment just to ask me where the birthday cards are.
4. We carry well over 30,000 different items in the store. That's just what we keep in the store. I am not going to know an obscure detail about every random one you pull off the shelf.
5. If you don't know Title, author, or something I can punch into a computer about what you are looking for, describing it in vague terms will not help.
6. If I do know what it is you were looking for in 5, then chances are, you need to see 2.
7. If I don't know the particular song you are looking for, singing it to me will not help.
8. Don't reccomend stuff to me.
9. Don't ask me to reccomend stuff to you. I don't know you.
10. Don't ask me to pick your presents out for you. Seriously. You know this person alot better than I do.
11. When asking me to pick your presents out for you, age is the most useless piece of information you can give me. Especially when it comes to music. I've overheard women in their 50s talking about how much they love P.O.D. and I've had teenagers hand me the shrink wrap from a Gaither CD they just opened so they could listen to it in the car.
12. Put it back where you got it. We don't expect you to understand complex concepts like the alphabet, but we do expect you to put back in the general area of where you pulled it off the shelf. I should not be finding crossword puzzle books on the music endcap or The Best of: Amy Grant sandwhiched between a dictionary and the back of the shelf.
13. If you grab a book/CD/etc from a stack of books/CDs/etc that are turned so the cover is facing you (as opposed to the spine facing out) we do expect you to put it back in its place. Do not put it in front of a different book/CD/etc that is facing out. There's no excuse for that.
14. If you pick something up, walk around with it, then decide you don't want it, it's okay to say at the register, "I don't want this, but I don't know where I got it from." We know where it goes, and will be unable to put it there if you misshelve it in some random place.
15. Though it is not a good idea to come to the register with a basket of sixty items, buy twelve, and give the rest to us to put back.
16. If you do not like the answer to a question, the answer will not change by immediately repeating the question.
17. The answer will not change by asking someone else.
18. The answer will not change by asking the new guy.
19. The answer will not change by asking the manager.
20. Just because you don't like the answer to a question, that doesn't mean I'm lying to you.
21. If I tell you we don't have something, and then you find it on the shelf, don't go on and on about how it was really here all along and where it is. Either the computer was wrong, I couldn't find it in the computer at all, or (the most common, by far) that is not what you asked for.
22. I am a grown man wearing an apron. A gaudy, purple apron with the name of the store you are currently in on the front of it. And then you ask me, "Do you work here?"
23. Only people wearing aprons can help you.
24. I am wearing (generally) the same thing as the people behind the register, but am not wearing an apron. My hand is on the door (or worse, the doorknob to the restroom). Do not ask me a question.
25. You saw me walk in the door. I have not clocked in yet, I have not put my apron on yet, I may not even be working until thirty minutes from now. Do not ask me a question.
26. I have just walked in the door. I have a fast food bag in my hand, and am headed quickly toward the back. Do not ask me a question.
27. I am wearing street clothes. There is a line in front of me going to the register, and a line behind me. I have stuff in my hands. Do not ask me a question.
28. You're trying to get into the restroom. You pull the door open. It stops. You hear the noise of one of those very common hook-latches that go in a small hoop to lock. Because of the design of this type of lock, in order for it to actually lock there needs to be someone on the other side of the door. Why would there be no one in there? And why would the solution be to yank on the door as if you were trying to snap the lock off until a voice from the other side of the door yells at you?
29. When 27 happens, DO NOT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN when you walk away.
30. The open sign is off. The lights are also off. The hours are posted right next to where your hand goes on the door. Why pull on the door?
31. If you pull on the front door, and it's locked, pulling on it a second time won't change that.
32. True story: A co-worker and I were closing. We were done and leaving. We walked out, she locked the door behind us, and we walked away. We stepped off the sidewalk and into the "street" part of the parking lot. Then we heard the door get yanked on. This woman walked right past us. She was inches away when she went around us. As if 29 weren't insane by itself, there is no possible way she did not see us lock the door.
33. I swear I am not making this one up: I was opening one day. I walked in and started locking the door behind myself. I saw a woman on the edge of the sidewalk. She stopped walking. She looked at me locking the door, then at the hours chart, then at her watch, then back at the hours chart, then back at her watch. I yelled through the door, "We open in 30 minutes." Then I walked away. As I did, behind me I heard the door get yanked.
34. We close at 9 o'clock. That means we expect to lock the door at nine. That does not mean you can walk in at 8:58 to browse.
35. Nothing in this city opens before ten. Every relative I have that visits from Orlando spends 15 minutes at minimum every time they come down complaining about this fact. You live here. Why do I see you yanking on the door at nine?
36. We will not hold the store open after closing time so you can come in and look around for a non-specific something.
37. If you call on Saturday and ask us what time we close, we are telling you the time we close on Saturday. If you come in ten minutes after close on Sunday, don't tell us you just called and we told you nine. Being told the "wrong" closing time doesn't mean you get to browse for as long as you want, either. The only reason you were even able to get through the door was because number 35 slid in just before closing time, and we couldn't get him to leave before you got here. (For the curious, number 35 left fifty minutes after we were supposed to be closed)
38. You do not care what my name is. The only reason why I say it is because I will get yelled at if I don't when the District Manager calls. Don't ask me to repeat it. You won't remember anyways.
39. Phone calls should be quick. Excluding, of course, however much time you spent on hold while we were looking on the shelf, on all the features, and in the back office for whatever book/CD/etc you want us to put on hold.
40. If you know exactly where we are, then why did you call to get directions in the first place?
41. If you want directions (rather than a location (we're right next to a mall, so it'd be someone asking who lives in another city)), then I need a starting point. An intersection in a residential area of your city doesn't cut it, either.
42. This is a corporate chain. The people who run the registers don't get to decide what we carry. We don't even have any say in what is ordered (certainly not with the rediculous quantities that are sent to us).
43. If anything that is carried in the store bothers you, don't complain to us about it. We saw it and were bothered by it long before you did.
44. Talking on a cell phone while checking out is extremely rude.
45. If I have not told you a price, then I am not done ringing you out.
46. Ever work in a place where you have some special display at the register that you have to point out to all the customers? Don't you hate it when they say no, then start looking through it?
47. Isn't it annoying when they ask you if the display is the same at all registers, you say yes, then they go look at the other one anyways?
48. Hey, there's someone in line in front of you. There's really only enough room for one person at the counter. So why do you think you can look through the "by the register display" while I'm ringing someone else out?
49. In the state of Florida, you are required, by law, to carry an ID on you at all times. You should be able to produce one at checkout.
50. There are two lanes. No other customers. One employee. They are standing at the register. They wave you over. So you go to the other counter?
51. If you have a basket full of stuff, and I start pulling things out one by one, scan them, then put them on the counter, outside of the basket, why would you start emptying the contents of the basket onto the counter? That just means I'll have to start all over, because you mixed the things I haven't scanned yet with the things I did.
52. What store allows you to use coupons you do not have? I seriously want to know. Twice a day, during the slow season, we get someone who says, "I left my coupons at home, can I still use them?" I've even had one yell at me because we were the only place she's ever shopped at that required her to produce the coupon she intended to use.
53. The table that has on it: credit card applications, a basket full of various items, and sign that says, "Absolutely Free," and then another three quarters of a page of text. It doesn't mean grab one and go. It doesn't mean grab a handful and come up to the register. It certainly doesn't mean grab the basket and go, "These are all free, right?" It means, read the other three quarters of a page of text.
54. If you see a table with a sign that says, "50% off" that doesn't mean everything in the general vicinity is 50% off.
55. You see a table with a full stack of [product]. You see a sign that says [price]. The sign has the name of the [product] on the sign. Your first instinct is to come up to me and ask, "Is this [price]?"
56. I don't care.
57. The sign that says, "Pre-buy [product]," does not mean we have the CD/movie/book that hasn't been released yet in our store right now.
58. When you purchased the pre-buy, we wrote your name and phone number in a book, scanned some stuff, took your money, gave you a ticket for the item, and gave whatever freebie comes with it. When whatever it was you pre-bought comes in, you need to do more than take one off the shelf and walk out the door.
59. This is a Christian bookstore. The word "Christian" is in the name of the store. We are listed in the yellow pages under "church supplies" (and I think that may be the only place). We do not carry Korans, Menorahs, Satanic Bibles, Dream Catchers, Crystal Balls, or The Da Vinci Code. And, for the record, there's no such thing as a Christian Playboy.
60. We do not carry Menorahs. You did not see them in our sales flyer. I read the sales flyer cover-to-cover when I get mine. Don't argue with me.
61. If it was sixty pages long, then it was not our sales flyer.
62. We don't carry Chick Tracts. We just don't.
63. Why can none of our customers tell the difference between the male employees? At one point, there were four guys working at the store. One had a crew cut and was clean shaven, one had a crew cut and a beard, one had long hair and was clean shaven, and one had red hair and a goatee. All had different builds, body types, and voices.
64. Two men work at the same place and both have facial hair. That does not make them related.
65. There are gigantic signs hanging from the ceiling denoting where the sections are. You should not have trouble finding the Cards, Bibles, Kids, etc.
66. There are well over 20 English translations of the Bible, smart$#%, so asking you what translation you want is a perfectly legitimate question.
67. When looking for a Bible, you need to ask for a type of Bible. Large Print, Thumb Indexes, and Leather Bound are features, not types of Bibles. Look for a translation, study, reference, devotional, etc Bible you like, then look for those other things.
68. If the Bible pen/highlighter bleeds through, you need to complain to the manufacturer who told you (and us) that it was non-bleed, not the retailer.
69. It used to be when a pen didn't work, you would go to the edge of the piece of paper and scratch into it until the pen started working. We're having this weird rash of people who assume the pen is completely dry if their first stroke doesn't yield ink.
70. When handing me your credit card (or anything else, for that matter) six inches from my face is too close.
71. When I grab the credit card, open your hand.
72. When I place the credit card back in your hand, close your hand.
73. Sign the credit card slip on the dotted line with the X in front of it.
74. The one you sign goes to us.
75. We have, on average, one hundred transactions every day. And twice as many people come in the store. I don't remember you.
76. If I do, it's a bad thing.
77. The return policy is posted in the store, is on the back of your receipt, and any apron can regurgitate it from memory for you.
78. If we tell you we can't use a coupon on a certain item, give you cash on a return, etc because of store policy, there's no fighting it.
79. I can call out the manager, but she will tell you the exact same thing I did.
80. I will not risk my job just so you can have an extra twelve dollars.
81. I know how to do my job. You do not.
82. You do not care how I am. Do not ask.
83. Please do not help other customers. Certainly don't help me help other customers. You will make it worse.
84. If something is not ringing up, it is not free. And that is not funny. Or original.
85. In fact, avoid jokes altogether. I've heard all the customer-retailer jokes before.
86. Don't abuse the puch card system.
87. Did you seriously just tell me you were going to buy the Accompaniment Track, make a copy of it, and then return it?
88. Would like a shopping basket so that you don't have to stick those CDs inside your purse?

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"I had to write four novels before they let me write comic books."
-Brad Meltzer

Is this why you didn't post for several months, you were writing this opus? If that's the case, well, I don't know. Trust me, I worked a till for a lot longer than you have before I moved on, and a majority of the customers you are reaming out here are genuinely NOT trying to ruin your life. Yeah, they're idiots sometimes, but the only difference between retail and a "real" job is that you might get paid more later to deal with the same people.

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"To create something great, you need the means to make a lot of really bad crap." - Kevin Kelly

Why aren't you shopping AmaCoN?

I love 16-20. Countless people I know should remember those. No. 82 I do just outta' habit. Someone actually told me what no. 2 says. All in all, these are pretty good DP. If I was a cashier, I'd feel your pain.

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"Thought I was dead, eh? Not until I fulfill my dream!"
Seifer Almasy


"The most important part of the story is the ending."
Secret Window


"Peace is but a shadow of death."
Kuja

At least half of these are sheer laziness on your part, and about a quarter of them can be explained by people simply being preoccupied.

Also, if you sell an item that fails to function as described, yes, the store should take it back. People should not be expected to go to the manufacturer to return it and complain! A store absolutely needs to stand by the products it sells, and if it sells a product that simply doesn't live up to expectations, THEY need to hear the complaint to avoid restocking it. Telling the manufacturer isn't going to acomplish anything!

If you hate dealing with customers and their petty questions and desires, why the heck do you even have this job? Anyone can be a stockboy at the supermarket!

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Veni, vidi, dormivi.

I worked at a JCPenny for a few weeks (the store was closing and I was hired to do heavy lifting but ended up on till.) We were at the 30-50 percent off stage. This woman walks in and asks me for assistance. No problem untill she looks at the tags. She lights into me because the SUGGESTED retail price on a Jnco shirt was 17 dollars and the store price was 24 dollars. Suggested does not mean "engraved in stone." Then i explain that the shirt was sent from a store in the Twin Cities and that the prices are higher and also explain that the shirt was 30 percent off and she proceedes to tell me that the Herbergers in Virginia, MN is at 50-70 percent off. I wanted to tell her to go shop there, but stopped myself and apologized that we couldnt give her that deal yet. She left in a huff.

This post has been edited by ramza_beoulve on 14th January 2007 16:55

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A hero is somone who steps up when everyone else backs down.

Your greatest adversary hides inside your mirror.

I feel your pain man. I worked a bit of retail in my day (video store, video game store, and Target (kind of like wal-mart but not as ghetto.)

1. We can't exchange the game you rented because you didn't like it. That's why you rent games before you buy it. (Video Store)

2. If I haven't played the game you need help with, describing to me what the part of the game you are stuck at will not help. I still won't know what to do. (Video Game Store)

3. There is no reason to freak out and insult the staff just because we do not carry legal pads. (Target)

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Elena Indurain

Currently Playing: Suikoden II

Lol, dude, I deal with grumpy people all the time at my job, and I get cursed at even, cause part of what I do is deliver bad news (Ex: I'm sorry, but you have been denied your financial aid for college, and if you don't submit an appeal with documentation explaining why you might be ineligible before next week, you will be required to pay for your classes or you will be dropped from them. [I just get to deliver that information to the student...The responses I get from people, ouch.... this one girl I work with got the stuff flung in her face!]) ugh... it sucks. So, I feel your pain...

After searching for a Wii since launch (I finally have one), I can tell you most retailers would like to say "No we don't have any Nintendo Wiis. F*** off and never ask us again."

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SPEKKIO: "GRRR...That was most embarrassing!"

man, you really hate your job.

time for a career change

On a call escalated to me by one of my CSR's a few years ago, I had a guy ask me if I had kids. When I answered yes, he told me that they weren't going to be able to go to college, because he was going to sue me for every penny I had. Customers can well and truly be asshole ssometimes, no question.

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Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill them.

~Pacifist Badge, 1978

Hey Dark Paladin: Register monkey,
I thought working in retail kinda sucked as well. But not quite to that degree. I suppose I was a baker for longer than a cashier... Still, I still had to interact with customers a lot. Not the most rewarding job in the world I have to say but there are far worse I'm sure.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like you are a people person. If I were you, I might strongly consider getting a job where you don't have to deal with customers. Maybe do the night shift. It's more money after all.

This post has been edited by fatman on 15th January 2007 18:25

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'Let that be a lesson to all oppressive vegetable sellers.'

Don't get me wrong, people, I do love my job. I enjoy working there. It's just that when people do the same things over and over, it gets annoying after the 80th time.

Quote (karasuman @ 14th January 2007 12:11)

Also, if you sell an item that fails to function as described, yes, the store should take it back.  People should not be expected to go to the manufacturer to return it and complain!  A store absolutely needs to stand by the products it sells, and if it sells a product that simply doesn't live up to expectations, THEY need to hear the complaint to avoid restocking it.  Telling the manufacturer isn't going to acomplish anything! 

If there is something wrong with it, then yes, we will take it back. The way people paint the situation with the highlighters is that it doesn't work as advertised. The packaging has the company info and website on it. Seems to me it would be easier to go to their website and e-mail the company than to drive to the store that you bought it from, complain, and then drive home to get the highlighter, then drive back to the store to get your two dollars.
The problem comes when people demand cash for the "damaged Bible" that resulted from them going over the same line over and over in such a way that it would have torn through the next eight pages had they used a pen.
The people who choose what to stock our shelves with will NEVER hear customer complaints.

Quote (bandaged-heart @ 14th January 2007 15:26)

Lol, dude, I deal with grumpy people all the time at my job, and I get cursed at even, cause part of what I do is deliver bad news

Yeah, I've been cursed at a few times, too. It's more surprising where I work, though, because, like I said, Christian bookstore.

Quote (Hamedo @ 15th January 2007 10:12)

On a call escalated to me by one of my CSR's a few years ago, I had a guy ask me if I had kids.  When I answered yes, he told me that they weren't going to be able to go to college, because he was going to sue me for every penny I had.  Customers can well and truly be asshole ssometimes, no question.

That reminds me of a story I heard from the woman who was the manager at the time I was hired. Some guy called to order something we didn't carry/couldn't get, and after a while of arguing with her, accused her of not helping him because he was black and that he was going to sue for discrimination. Her response was, "If you want to sue a store with a black manager of discrimination, go ahead!" After a short pause, he said, "OK," hung up, and was never heard from again.

Quote (Rangers51 @ 14th January 2007 10:55)

Is this why you didn't post for several months, you were writing this opus?

Heh, no. I just work too much. And it was only like six weeks.

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"I had to write four novels before they let me write comic books."
-Brad Meltzer