CoN 25th Anniversary: 1997-2022
The Facts: Chuck Norris
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 05:43
|
|
  Posts: 2,118 Joined: 18/7/2004 Awards:        
|
1. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 3. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. 4. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. 5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. I'm sure you've all at least heard these in passing, but I just got reintroduced to them. I thought they were funny when I first read them, but today I just couldn't stop laughing. More at Chuck Norris Facts |
|
Post #121886
|
Message 
Email 
Quote|
Posted: 30th June 2006 06:00
|
|
.gif)  Posts: 482 Joined: 14/9/2003 Awards:   
|
I'm pretty much Chuck Norris'ed out. The Conan skits were funny maybe four or five years ago, and the Chuck Norris jokes were funny in CoN chat about two years ago, but now it seems that his image's comedic value has increased exponentially. Even our college dorm welcomed us with Chuck Norris whoppers plastered all over the walls, the doors, and even the bathroom stalls. Christ, I couldn't brush my teeth without seeing a black-and-white photo of a shirtless Chuck Norris grinning up at me. For me, it just went from humorous to annoying, since its just an old hat that's been kicked around entirely too much.
-------------------- SPEKKIO: "GRRR...That was most embarrassing!" |
|
Post #121891
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 12:23
|
|
  Posts: 2,336 Joined: 1/3/2004 Awards:   
|
Old and busted: Chuck Norris
New Hottness: Jack Bauer    -------------------- Join the Army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill them. ~Pacifist Badge, 1978 |
|
Post #121912
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 15:20
|
|
  Posts: 953 Joined: 23/2/2005 Awards:
|
Yeah i've read thoughs a while ago, they're pretty funny.
"Chuck Norris isn't hung a like horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris!" This post has been edited by No-Name on 30th June 2006 15:22 -------------------- "You know that feeling you get when you're on a merry go 'round, and you want to jump off to make the spinning stop, but you know it'll suck when you land? I feel like that all the time"- Keno "I stab my girl until I fall down" -Yukari Do you like Horny Bunnies? |
|
Post #121934
|
Web |
Posted: 30th June 2006 16:56
|
|
 Posts: 2,154 Joined: 9/10/2005 Awards: 
|
I don't even know where they came from, or why they would be funny. Oh well. Guess I'm just not getting it...
-------------------- |
|
Post #121946
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 17:01
|
|
  Posts: 1,796 Joined: 15/11/2003 Awards:
|
my favorite is
Chuck Norris can divide by zero -------------------- "Have you ever seen a baby do that before?" |
|
Post #121949
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 19:11
|
|
|
|
My favs:
When Chuck Norris goes to give blood he always declines the syringe. Instead he just asks for a gun, and a bucket. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because that implies the chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.  -------------------- The clouds ran away, opened up the sky And one by one I watched every constellation die And there I was frozen, standing in my backyard Face to face, eye to eye, staring at the last star I should've known, walked all the way home To find that she wasn't here, I'm still all alone -Atmosphere "Always Coming Back Home to You" |
|
Post #121962
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 20:45
|
|
|
|
Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can make a stone so heavy he can't lift it. Chuck Norris "can do that." Chuck Norris can make pigs and elephants fly. Chuck Norris can freeze hell over. But there's one thing Chuck Norris can't do... He can't be as cool as Simon Belmont. NO ONE can be as cool as Simon Belmont. -------------------- Check the "What games are you playing at the moment?" thread for updates on what I've been playing. You can find me on the Fediverse! I use Mastodon, where I am @[email protected] ( https://sakurajima.moe/@glennmagusharvey ) |
|
Post #121984
|
|
Posted: 30th June 2006 21:02
|
|
  Posts: 256 Joined: 29/3/2006 Awards:
|
"Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter."
I died laughing.  -------------------- Come with me so I can show you how to live Burning the candle at both ends I’m gripping at the walls around me Don’t complicate it I’m addicted to this life I’ll be your token of attention All my lies come down to this -Orgy, "Beautiful Disgrace" |
|
Post #121988
|
|
Posted: 2nd July 2006 03:52
|
|
  Posts: 150 Joined: 9/5/2006 Awards:
|
My favorite is probably:
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris did. Then he roundhouse kicked them into an Oldsmobile. and Every year on his birthday, Chuck Norris chooses on lucky kid to throw into the sun. LMAO We used to go to www.chucknorrisfacts.com nearly everyday in study hall and die laughing with our surrogate study hall teacher/chemistry teacher who is awesome. He loves it. -------------------- "Shut up. You're making me sober..." -Reno *Ryoko* |
|
Post #122164
|
|
Posted: 2nd July 2006 04:25
|
|
  Posts: 639 Joined: 3/4/2005 Awards:  
|
I do love those jokes.
They're still funny to me! -------------------- You're telling me that there's no hope. I'm telling you you're wrong. |
|
Post #122174
|
|
Posted: 2nd July 2006 19:18
|
|
 Posts: 970 Joined: 23/4/2004 Awards:    
|
Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets...bullets dodge Chuck Norris
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you cannot see Chuck Norris, you may only be moments away from death. Everybody loves Raymond... except Chuck Norris. -------------------- I fear my heart and fear my soul Life goes on, it surely will, Without me and I wonder: Will I ever see light again? Life goes on... |
|
Post #122266
|
Facebook |
Posted: 2nd July 2006 19:24
|
|
 Posts: 544 Joined: 5/7/2005 Awards:  
|
Chuck Norris's tears can save mankind. Too bad Chuck Norris can't cry.
-------------------- Squenix games completed: FFIII FFIV FFVI FFVII FFIX FFX FF Tactics: Advance 2 Chrono Trigger Dragon Quest 8 Dragon Quest 11 Super Mario RPG |
|
Post #122270
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 01:20
|
|
|
Posts: 2,118 Joined: 18/7/2004 Awards:
|
Quote (RenosGirl18 @ 1st July 2006 19:52) Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris did. Then he roundhouse kicked them into an Oldsmobile. I almost cried because of this one. |
|
Post #122308
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 02:10
|
|
  Posts: 199 Joined: 10/4/2006 Awards:
|
chuck norris has two speeds: walk and kill
I liked that one, but it's just like the other ones PeeWee Herman got arrested for pleasuring himself at a movie theatre. The same day, Chuck Norris did it and got an award. -------------------- Can you pull down the dawn? It's been so dark since you've been gone and we've been begging for the morning to come. We were so optimistic, wasn't it so easy to be? We were young and naive. -The Hush Sound: Eileen |
|
Post #122309
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 02:15
|
|
  Posts: 291 Joined: 11/6/2006 Awards:
|
Oh no, by far the best is:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. That's worth all the pain from my summonGF for betraying the name of L&O: Probable Criminal Subliminal Intent. Possible spoilers: highlight to view Too bad it doesn't work for chics, except chics with certain tastes; Who else refers to their longterm girlfriend as their junctioned GF and enjoy their puzzlement give in to irritation when they watch you play VIII? But I don't make fun of House. Or Texas Ranger. 'Cause the beards would know. -------------------- Putting the A's in W lm rt: A11smart, Jobclass: Retailer. |
|
Post #122310
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 02:31
|
|
|
Posts: 150 Joined: 9/5/2006 Awards:
|
Quote (Kane @ 3rd July 2006 01:20) Quote (RenosGirl18 @ 1st July 2006 19:52) Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris did. Then he roundhouse kicked them into an Oldsmobile. I almost cried because of this one. HAHA! That is by far my favorite. I just imagine someone smashing dogs into an Oldsmobile and I die laughing. -------------------- "Shut up. You're making me sober..." -Reno *Ryoko* |
|
Post #122313
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 03:35
|
|
|
Posts: 970 Joined: 23/4/2004 Awards:
|
The crudest one, and is not meant for the weak of heart.
Chuck Norris was walking down the street one day and had a massive erection. There were no survivors. -------------------- I fear my heart and fear my soul Life goes on, it surely will, Without me and I wonder: Will I ever see light again? Life goes on... |
|
Post #122333
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 15:08
|
|
 Posts: 1,838 Joined: 3/2/2004 Awards:
|
Quote (RelmArrowney @ 1st July 2006 21:25) I do love those jokes. They're still funny to me! Agreed, but my favorite is, There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard, just another fist, among others, but WWCND? |
|
Post #122417
|
|
Posted: 3rd July 2006 16:27
|
|
|
Posts: 2,118 Joined: 18/7/2004 Awards:
|
WWCND?
Anything Chuck Norris damn well feels like doing, including bend the laws of our physical universe for his own amusement |
|
Post #122429
|
|
Posted: 4th July 2006 09:03
|
|
  Posts: 1,394 Joined: 13/3/2004 Awards:  
|
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Also: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. -------------------- |
|
Post #122531
|
|
Posted: 4th July 2006 15:40
|
|
 Posts: 82 Joined: 5/4/2006 Awards:
|
"Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a horse in the face. Now, we call it a giraffe."
Most recent one a co-worker told me. I never laughed quite so hard in my life: -------------------- You are not your username. You are not your avatar. You are not the number of posts you have. You're not your signature. You are the all-typing, all-chatting crap of the Web. --Friend of a Friend |
|
Post #122562
|
|
Posted: 5th July 2006 15:41
|
|
|
Posts: 1,838 Joined: 3/2/2004 Awards:
|
Quote (Kane @ 3rd July 2006 09:27) WWCND? What would Chuck Norris do, that is what WWCND stands for, sorry for not clearing that one up. |
|
Post #122678
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
