Goblin!

by Del S

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Chapter 1 (2007)	Chapter 2 (2007)	Chapter 3 (2007)	Chapter 4 (2007)
Chapter 5 (2007)	Chapter 6 (2007)	Chapter 7 (2007)	Chapter 8 (2007)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6: A Proverbial Goat Path

'So, you're running low on ammunition. Our Black Mage runs low on mana,' The Warrior said, apparently to himself.

'Yes, and to make matters worse, we've killed mostly Grunts, few Sergeants, and almost no Captains. To fight Goblins, you need to erode their command structure,' Bromhead eavesdropped in on The Warrior's conversation.

'Well, of course. Goblin grunts either instinctively dive in front of arrows aimed at bigger grunts, or the sergeants and captains simply pick up smaller goblins for use as shields,' Black Belt pointed out

'It doesn't matter anyway, we can hold them with the sword, shield and spear in the end.' Chard mused.

'You really believe that?' The Warrior enquired.

'Look, I might believe in things that look barmy, but at least I'm not holding down L2 and R2!'

'Pardon?'

'All day, it's been "retreat" with you, "Flee to the hills and ambush them", never has it been "We can make our stand here", not once. Why?'

'Because I know the difference between bravery and suicide! I explained earlier!'

'Then you do not know Cornelian dictionary definitions! In situations like this, they both mean the same thing!'

'That makes no sense.'

'Neither does your codpiece you pillock!' Bromhead said, and smashed a plate over The Warrior's head, who promptly collapsed.

'And though we may be stupid enough to face certain death, at least we've got a helmet each!' Bourne interjected.

'Thank you for the assistance men, but I was sure I was going to win that debate...'

'Nonsense,' The Black Belt said 'If you hit him enough you might just drive him berserk. In which case, point and shoot. The goblins will know what hit them, because he'll come back to tell them it was him.'

'Though from a medical view, it may not be so smart to keep smashing things over his head,' The White Mage said.

'Nonsense, ma'am, we have plenty of crockery left.'

'That's not even on the same line of the conversation as what I mean.'

*********

'Men, conserve your arrows! Make sure every shot counts, for we are running low! When the first wall cannot hold, we quickly retreat to the second wall! Though I'm pleased to remind you, a sword has infinite ammuntion!' Chard yelled, as the horde began another attack run downhill. His plan for an outer wall of corpses had failed, as the dead bodies had been trampled flat, and Chard was now reduced to his original outer wall, and his inner wall of overturned carts surrounding the church.

'Er, mine doesn't, sir, can I get a new magazine?'

'PRIVATE Baaaue...r. Good god man, how the hell did you get a sword like that?'

'Found it in a chest in a dungeon.'

'Look, the point is, stab the bastards when you run out of arrows!' The Black Belt assisted.

'Oh, right, gotcha.'

*********

The horde hit home. Though the volleys of arrows had reaped the usual toll on the attackers, they were now at sword's length.

And then, Chard noticed something.

'I say, isn't that a horde of Sergeants and Captains heading for the hospital?'

*********

'Oh crap, Hooky, there's bigger goblins coming right for us!' A private said, staring out his loophole.

'I can solve that problem!' a wounded soldier said, hopping up and lobbing a paraffin lamp out the window.

'Oh, brilliant, private, now there's bigger burning goblins coming right for us,' Hooky groaned.

*********

'Warrior! Black Belt! The hospital, now!' The White Mage screamed, as she whacked a goblin in the face with her stave. The two fighters responded.

They ran in, as Goblins began hopping onto the roof.

*********

'Okay, we've got the burning ones dead, what now?' Private Hitch asked.

Hooky fired a crossbow into the air. A goblin fell through the roof.

'Looks like the only way is up for us, lads! ON ME!' the courageous private ordered, climbing a ladder to the roof. There, he found two goblin captains nearing the hole. He leapt forth, decapitating one and slicing the legs out from under the other. Two other men had followed him up, and alone, the three fought the horde back from the roof.

Inside, however, one had entered the storeroom. The Warrior found it.

'Aha! Prepare to die, knave!'

'Wot?' the goblin asked, bemused.

The Warrior swiped. The Goblin ducked. The Warrior sliced through a support beam. The roof fell in, as did a large number of goblins.

'Ah. Shit.' The Warrior said, and ran out of the now goblin-filled room. As an afterthought, he locked the door. However, though the door was sturdy, the wall was not, and the goblins began stabbing the plaster, slowly chipping through.

*********

On the roof, Hooky stared at the cave in.

'Damn it, they've fell into the storeroom! They'll be in the wards in no time!'

Hooky leapt down the ladder.

'Everyone out!'

'What's the situation, Hooky?' Private Jones asked

'Dozens of goblins and a feckload of cutlery about to come through the wall!

As if on cue, a spear rammed through the wall and impaled a hapless wounded soldier.

'They're coming out of the walls!' someone yelled.

'Quick, everyone in here, chip through into the next ward through the wall. I'll hold them back!'

All the men in bed staggered out and began assisting the three able bodied soldiers, and began making their way through. As the last entered the small hole that had been made, the goblins broke through. Hooky then shoved the bunk beds over, crushing a few goblins, before leaping through the hole himself

'I thought you were going to hold them back?' Jones asked.

'Yeah, at THIS hole! Everyone get the hell out, now!'

'Hooky, how dare you breach regulations by holding two crossbows at once!' Sergeant Forthwall yelled.

'Not doing it yet sarge, but it's a bloody good idea.'

*********

The Warrior had ran out of the hospital and stood beside the White Mage as the goblin attack smashed into the front lines.

'I told you to help Black Belt and the men in the hospital!'

'Oh, er, they don't need me in there, holding their own, going fine.'

The roof then caught fire.

'Plus it's on fire. I'm wearing ice armour. Can't wear ice armour in a fire.'

*********

Hooky cursed as the smoke began filling the room. His crossbow bolts had ran out, though the abandoned ward was now full of dead and dying goblins.

*********
The Horde began to win the struggle to get over the walls, despite the valiant efforts of the soldiers there.

'Men! Retreat to the second defences! Our archers there will provide cover!' Chard screamed. The soldiers enacted a disciplined fall back, walking quickly backwards, stabbing at the enemy, before not-so-disciplinedly leaping over the pile of sacks and wood. However, as the men retreated from the first wall, there were inevitable stragglers, amongst them, the company cook. As the goblins stabbed the two privates who had not quite been able to run fast enough in the back, Cooky tripped.

He stood back up, surrounded by the horde. Armed only with a meat cleaver, he prepared to sell his life dearly. One goblin ran forth, and he disembowelled the creature. Another was decapitated by his attacks. The next was sliced in half from crotch to head.

Then the goblins figured out they outnumbered him and swarmed over him, whooping, hollering, and randomly stabbing.

'Cooky's bought it!'

'Oh no! Not Hooky!'

'Er, no, Gonville, COOKY.'

'Oh, thank the gods, I thought we'd lost someone who'd have an effect on morale! DO YOU HEAR THAT MEN? THE GOBLINS HAVE OBLIGIED AND KILLED THE COOK!'

'AROO!' came the pleased response from the men as they stabbed goblins in the face.

'You motherf-AAAARGH,' Cooky screamed, as a goblin attempted to remove his teeth via his anus.

*********

The flames meanwhile had grown to the stage that even a slightly mad/courageous soldier was thinking of retreat. However, Hooky was extremely mad/courageous. A Goblin had torn his shirt.

*********

The wounded had almost all been transferred from the hospital to the church, and as the walking wounded and those able to fight helped hold the goblins back. Only Hooky, an unconscious private, and Sergeant Forthwall remained inside the blazing hospital, Hooky fighting the goblins, and Forthwall, babbling away.

Jones ran back in.

'Hooky, let's get going!'

'You get that man out!' Hooky said, referring to the unconscious man. Jones grabbed his legs and began dragging him.

'What about you and Fourthwall?'

'He can make it out himself. '

'Ah, but Hooky, the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!'

'Yes Sarge! Have you just noticed?'

'Knew it was going to happen this morning, remember?'

'Well, what the hell happens next, sarge?'

'Oh, easy. Jones leaves with Private Simpson there, a burning goblin will come through from the other ward and then the chapter ends!'

Hooky saw the first part, and wondered for a second what the hell was going on inside the mad NCO's head. A burning goblin then indeed entered.