I have lurked and read more than I have posted and engaged people.
I did however, read a lot of your posts.
I really appreciate people who are self-aware - you did come across as very self-absorbed at times, but we all do. I didn't want to comment for fear of making your mental psychosis worse or influencing you in the wrong way.
It's strange to follow an internet stranger's journey when they chose to be so open about it. As long as you can see the growth in yourself, that's the most important and reassuring thing you could hope for.
Hormone treatment will obviously add to your emotional turmoil, and outside influences can be very afflicting to someone who's mental state is vulnerable for whatever reasons.
Don't fret over what you think you came across as, or if you thought you were psychotic (you weren't). Showing shame means that you have grown and become a better person - especially here in America, people tend to be shameless and it isn't healthy. We should be embarrassed about stupid things we said or did when we were younger. That's part of growing as a person. To show no shame is to show no remorse and a lot of people these days are sociopaths who's behavior goes unchecked.
As long as you feel like you did the right thing in transitioning, and you feel healthy and you feel happy, don't worry about people who don't understand.
One of my wife's best friends is pre-op male to female and she unfortunately has a condition that hasn't allowed her to fully transition and she only recently centered herself - Buddhism really helped her come to terms with a lot of things, so religion is not inherently a bad thing but it can very easily exploit people if you are going to church or services. You don't need other people to be faithful or religious. So if religion helps you, then don't reject it just because the church and it's community can be manipulative (and lord knows Catholicism and it's off-shoots have a lot of issues).
Florida is a traditionally conservative state, so absolutely moving out of there would be the best decision in the long-term. There are tons of LGBTQ communities that are a safe-haven for their people (and a few I'm sure that are toxic, like anything).
Either way, good luck in your journey and fuck anyone who judges you. Life is too short to let hateful people have a power over you. |
