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Emotionality.

Posted: 1st August 2016 18:13

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I am extremely uncomfortable expressing my emotions. It's like I keep it all bottled up until I can't take anymore, and then I explode with rage at the first semi-wrong person I read a post from on the internets.

I recognize that this is a problem. Oftentimes, I get the sensation of a "frog in my throat", that is, the feeling of being about to cry, but being unable to bring myself to that level of emotional expression. I have known since I was young that crying is a necessary release of certain biochemicals in the brain...

...I guess, the topic is, how do you handle extreme states of emotion? I don't know how much longer I can go on keeping it all in.

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Posted: 1st August 2016 20:49

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pot

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Posted: 2nd August 2016 00:45

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Really, that's it? I mean, you don't know of any other way to deal with strong emotions than cannabis?

...I mean, not that I have anything against it, but I think it might take a little more than that...you know, uh...probably a lot more.

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Posted: 2nd August 2016 03:46

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Quote (Spooniest @ 1st August 2016 19:45)
Really, that's it? I mean, you don't know of any other way to deal with strong emotions than cannabis?

...I mean, not that I have anything against it, but I think it might take a little more than that...you know, uh...probably a lot more.


Well, without getting too personal, yes.

But if you really have these issues, maybe you should seek out a psychiatrist? I know paying someone to talk to them isn't desirable, but it's really about prescribing medicine at the end of the day. Do you think you need medicine?

Do you think you're manic-depressive? Schizophrenic? Bi-polar?

I hope not suicidal.


But it really comes down to what causes so much anxiety in your life?

Fear of failure or rejection? Fear of commitment? Repressed sexuality? In all honesty, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything or imply anything but other than just being extremely introverted, short-tempered and unable to vocally express your bottled up emotions, be it in the form of crying or talking or whatever else, what else is there going on in your life?

Do you seek companionship? Not a sexual relationship, but companionship. Something as simple as getting a dog or cat maybe can help with what comes across as loneliness/self-isolation or possibly agoraphobia?

How often do you go out in public and socialize? Do you drink? I know you've said you smoke cigarettes, did you start back up and did/do you notice an increase in your short-fuse when you don't smoke?

How old are you? What do you do for a living? Is it a job, a sense that you haven't accomplished anything in your life, or an unfulfillment?

Are you religious? Spiritual? Or agnostic/atheist? Are you over-whelmed with existential dread?

Are you college educated or well-versed in a subject that perhaps you aren't interested in, but excel at? Maybe reading about advanced economics, or parallels between America and the Roman Empire (hyper-inflation)? Philosophy, Theology, anything.

I know you're a musician, so trust me, I can relate.

But I honestly found myself less tense and prone to violent outbursts when I stopped playing, recording and writing regularly. I was once so passionate about it, so determined and enthusiastic. Yet alienation from peers, contemporaries and the industry, as well as higher education (Sound Engineering/Music Theory) at the "University" level cause me a lot of what could only be described as terror.


And I admittedly drowned myself in excessive weed use for about 4 or 5 years, completely severed ties with my family, skipped town and forgot about my friends and hometown from my youth and tried to forcefully "grow-up".

It's part of becoming an adult, how you deal with this kind of terror. I had never had an anxiety/panic attack until I was 27, and regardless of the reasoning, it was pure fucking terror and I knew that was something I never wanted to feel again. So you just kind of have to realign yourself, which is completely directionless at some point. But just trying new things for the sake of it won't help.

You need to center yourself, change some things. Your style of life and dress or your taste in music.

Things that helped me were infantile or child-like at times. Climbing a tree in public and laughing. Jumping into snowbanks or mud-puddles.

Try to enjoy things we are led to believe as we grow up aren't pleasures.

Seriously, I fucking love sneezing. I hate when people say GOD BLESS YOU. It's like a pissing contest to see who can say it first as a right of passage as the most polite person in the room.

I literally started telling people to stop blocking my second sneeze, that I didn't want to hear that shit. And despite sounding like a dick-head, it made me feel better to know that I stood up for myself on such a small "pet-peeve" since I at least allowed myself that simple pleasure.

Can you better express your emotions in writing? Maybe just get a notebook and jot down random thoughts, not lyrics or poems or even to keep a journal. Just write random shit that comes to your mind and makes you laugh.


There's a lot you can do, but trying to pinpoint the source of your distress is your first step.

This post has been edited by Dynamic Threads on 2nd August 2016 03:49

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Posted: 2nd August 2016 04:25

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Black Waltz
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Quote
Are you over-whelmed with existential dread?


Yup, that.

Most of it is the conceit of expecting things to go well, expecting to feel good, expecting to have fun, accomplish things, move forward. I just started with so much hope and promise as a young person, and now that I'm approaching middle age I just feel like not only my life, but the state of the world have just turned to such crap that I have even slipped at times into a state of mind where I am unable to accept that what I am experiencing is real at all.

I recognize that it is (How, I don't know, I guess I just force myself to), and I do take meds and see a psychiatrist, and therapist yes. But the work that goes into cognitive restructuring is very difficult. I want to improve my state of mind, to be more stable, to not lose my temper of feel despondent. I want to screw my courage to the sticking place and make my life my own, but it just seems there's so little hope at this point.

...It is hard to articulate exactly why I feel this way. I hope this gives you a bit more insight.

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Posted: 2nd August 2016 19:07

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I'm not going to try and pseudo-psychoanalyse you, because mistaken false advice won't do you any good. What I will say is that you don't have to feel bad about not being able to articulate your feelings or their cause. Often, those are the hardest feelings to combat, but it doesn't make them any less real or any less valid.

To an extent, I have felt the way you describe. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but take heart in knowing it's by no means forever.

Have you ever tried hypnotherapy? It really helped me.

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Posted: 2nd August 2016 21:28

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Quote (Spooniest @ 1st August 2016 23:25)
Quote
Are you over-whelmed with existential dread?


Yup, that.

Most of it is the conceit of expecting things to go well, expecting to feel good, expecting to have fun, accomplish things, move forward. I just started with so much hope and promise as a young person, and now that I'm approaching middle age I just feel like not only my life, but the state of the world have just turned to such crap that I have even slipped at times into a state of mind where I am unable to accept that what I am experiencing is real at all.

I recognize that it is (How, I don't know, I guess I just force myself to), and I do take meds and see a psychiatrist, and therapist yes. But the work that goes into cognitive restructuring is very difficult. I want to improve my state of mind, to be more stable, to not lose my temper of feel despondent. I want to screw my courage to the sticking place and make my life my own, but it just seems there's so little hope at this point.

...It is hard to articulate exactly why I feel this way. I hope this gives you a bit more insight.


@ both bolded points: Welcome to the club : P lol

There's not much you can do about some things. It is hard not to ignore all of it, but you have to admit to yourself that it's completely out of your control. There's nothing you can do about a lot of things outside of your circle of influence. The best you can do is be a little selfish at times. You gotta do you, you know what I mean?

You seem like you aren't a very selfish person, which is not what I'm implying you become but you do have to put yourself forward and stand your ground sometimes.

And really, blowing up is good sometimes as well. If you cannot control it, that's another thing entirely but venting is something that helps, in the long run. If it's just irrational, over-reactionary fuming then you, as you've stated, are clearly repressing something. Be it an opinion, a "skeleton in your closet" or a childhood memory or regret of some kind.

Personally, I've learned that 99% of the time, you absolutely cannot change a person's point of view, especially an American's. I've only recently over the past few years been able to simply look the other way when I hear some bull-shit like racism, complaints about welfare and who's getting that precious tax money, bigotry, ignorance, etc...

You're not "captain save-a-ho" so really try to just look at idiots as idiots and laugh at them, which is admittedly easier said than done.


As far as existential dread, I wake up occasionally in the middle of the night and find myself consumed with pure dread. The thought of death with no afterlife scares the ever-living crap out of me and I have to jump up and occupy myself as quick as possible. I'm not religious, in fact, have doubted any kind of God or afterlife since I was 5 years old. I remember the exact moment still.

My mother's fiancee' at the time had 2 children of his own and the boy, Brandon was a year older than me, while I had an older brother my senior by 3 years. We were out in the yard one day and I remember Brandon saying something to me along the lines of "Don't do that or God will get mad at you" and I said "How would he even know?" and his response was something like:

"God is all seeing and knowing and he controls everything you and I do, like you have your remote for your remote control car, it's like that"

And even as a 5 year old child I was like lol wut? And called out on it instantly. I found it ridiculous that there was this omnipresent being watching me and controlling me, not to mention if he was controlling me, then he couldn't judge my actions since they were his own.

All religion, re-incarnation, multiple lives, heaven, hell, all of it has always been laughably idiotic to me ever since then and while I find no comfort in my mortality, I find extreme pride in my mortality, even if death is the one true thing that scares me in this world.

You have to learn to appreciate how lucky you are to even be here at all, in this time, when the world is rapidly changing and be happy that you had a chance to feel anything, let alone be born in the "first-world".

Not a day goes by that I don't appreciate hot water as a luxury we take for granted. Above all else, this is one of the truest luxuries we can have and it feels amazing as well.

The existential dread will never go away. But blocking it's inevitability from your mind, or trying to rationalize it or believe that there's some wonderful world waiting for you when you die will cheapen your life and make you completely miss it's passing. I've cautiously accepted it. I know I will die but I don't know what will happen, if anything. But there's no sense in worrying about it because it's out of your control.

I wish there was one word or sentence I could write here to help you out but there isn't. Like you said, it is hard to articulate feelings but that same thing rings true for almost anyone, unless they are a sociopath or dead inside. At least you feel, even if that feeling isn't always good.

You have your health. My best advice given the information in your post that I've quoted here is to then try to wean yourself OFF of the medication, and shrink. You sound like you have an "oral" fixation. Smoking cigarettes, taking meds, frog in your throat, inability to vocalize. Note that I'm not implying it's sexual, but there are different stages in our development as a child that stick with us if we experience a stimulation or trauma in our youth. It's a Freudian concept. And while I'm no fan of him or his ideas, they are relevant and interesting concepts that might help you pin-point the exact cause of your tension.

This is a great link: http://www.simplypsychology.org/psychosexual.html

This post has been edited by Dynamic Threads on 2nd August 2016 21:32

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 01:31

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I do have to say thank you to you guys for the kind words.

I wanted also to say to Dynamic that when you ask children about spiritual matters you get childrens' answers. I am a Christian, and don't consider God to have a remote control that directs me. He has a will of his own and prefers good behavior over bad behavior, but I get to choose every single action I take, and I have typically not chosen well. No fault of mine; sometimes some people only learn things by trying them out and seeing what a bad idea they were; i.e. "the hard way."

I can't imagine anyone going through life thinking that God is constantly mad at them. That's ridiculous. Dictators or serial rapists or murderers maybe live that life, and may be quite right, but I find that the vast majority of people are too afraid of the natural consequences that come with destructive actions to be considered what you'd call "evil."

I don't know what asshole taught people to believe in a God that is constantly losing his shit over every little thing, but that's not the strong God, the allknowing and allpowerful God, the creating God or the loving God that I was taught about at all. I just don't get most Christian's immense level of fear over evil.

Many many many people who were involved in so called "evil" things torture themselves with regret over what they have done every day. Even if it was only a one time thing that they did, if it was especially heinous, I can see someone feeling very bad. Can I call that person "evil?" I don't believe I can.

And that's another thing. I don't consider it my personal mission in life to go around telling people what good and evil are. What kind of idiot would want to live that life? What kind of idiot thinks they can instantly and with ironclad rules, verify what is good and what is evil? I just don't agree with that kind of cookie cutter spoon fed plastic bullshit Christianity at all.

...I apologize for going off on this tangent but I am very passionate about God and music. :/ I suppose I could go on to talk about music too, but I believe that would be taking things a bit too far.

This post has been edited by Spooniest on 3rd August 2016 01:32

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 09:59

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Do you exercise?
or rather, do you exercise enough?

When I had access to a punch bag, that was a great way to vent..
But maybe you should focus on cardio

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 18:25

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Quote (Blinge Odonata @ 3rd August 2016 10:59)
Do you exercise?
or rather, do you exercise enough?

When I had access to a punch bag, that was a great way to vent..
But maybe you should focus on cardio

I found this to be very helpful too. Keeping your body healthy can help keep your mind healthy, as trite as it sounds. Plus, smacking the crap out of a punchbag is a great way to release pent up rage - even if you haven't been able to resolve the underlying issues yet, it's a very safe way to vent.

DT, I'm sure your efforts here are designed to be helpful, but unless you're actually a qualified medical professional, please do be careful about 'diagnosing' or 'analysing' anything. You have no way of knowing how your words can affect people and your misguided efforts could have hurtful consequences.

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 21:22

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You know...

I believe a regimen of meditation is coming to me lately that actually helps out with this stuff.

I don't imagine anything, I don't picture anything, I just sit, breathe, and eliminate thought. I shut down my mind into a kind of white noise loop if I have to, or click my teeth together 37 times, then breathe...don't remember where I learned that one, but I've known about it for a long time.

Racing thoughts are very distracting and debilitating...! In case anyone wondered.

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 22:04

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Quote (Stiltzkin @ 3rd August 2016 13:25)
Quote (Blinge Odonata @ 3rd August 2016 10:59)
Do you exercise?
or rather, do you exercise enough?

When I had access to a punch bag, that was a great way to vent..
But maybe you should focus on cardio

I found this to be very helpful too. Keeping your body healthy can help keep your mind healthy, as trite as it sounds. Plus, smacking the crap out of a punchbag is a great way to release pent up rage - even if you haven't been able to resolve the underlying issues yet, it's a very safe way to vent.

DT, I'm sure your efforts here are designed to be helpful, but unless you're actually a qualified medical professional, please do be careful about 'diagnosing' or 'analysing' anything. You have no way of knowing how your words can affect people and your misguided efforts could have hurtful consequences.



Dude, seriously, get a life. Go find someone else to troll on. As it stands you're really trying to get a reaction out of me and it isn't going to happen, so either ignore my posts or find something better to do.

I will not address you again, so move on.

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 22:20

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Quote (Spooniest @ 3rd August 2016 16:22)
You know...

I believe a regimen of meditation is coming to me lately that actually helps out with this stuff.

I don't imagine anything, I don't picture anything, I just sit, breathe, and eliminate thought. I shut down my mind into a kind of white noise loop if I have to, or click my teeth together 37 times, then breathe...don't remember where I learned that one, but I've known about it for a long time.

Racing thoughts are very distracting and debilitating...! In case anyone wondered.

Taking a nice, long, deep breath is one of the best meditative techniques I have discovered.

Sometimes we forget to breathe, and this doesn't always help but if you can center yourself it's a wonderful technique.

You mentioned you are religious, which is fine and your point of view is refreshing.

Are you Christian, or Catholic? I suppose you would have said Catholic if that were the case but something that a lot of Catholics have Catholic guilt (and in my case a holdover from my mother's Catholic upbringing, I have a very slight Catholic guilt about certain things).

You don't seem to be expressing that kind of trait, but it's interesting none-the-less, the differences between Christians and Catholics in their faith and their view of "evil".

So, I ask further, were you raised very religious or is it a kind of 'casual' faith? And what are your current feelings/beliefs on the faith? In other words, how strong is it's influence or practice on your life? Have you paralleled the different religions or read up on Theology or René Descartes specifically? You might find his work to be very interesting.

Have you also studied, either casually or intensely, the other religions of the world? For example, if you read up on Zoroastrianism, which is widely believed to be the first religion, you will see many uncanny similarities between that and Christianity. Virgin birth, holy trinity, etc... It might help you appreciate not only other religious denominations but your own faith and lead to a better understanding of yourself, the world and where other people are coming from with their own beliefs and opinions sometimes.

It's a very dangerous weapon, or a very useful tool, Religion.

Is your "existential dread" at all conflicting with your faith or beliefs in a potential afterlife?

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Posted: 3rd August 2016 23:43

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No, I confine my dread to the troubles of this life, which is bad enough.

Uh, I'm a protestant. smile.gif

And yeah, uh I was raised to give as much love to as many people as I could providing I do not endanger anyone, the whole "love your neighbor as yourself," and "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" things.

I am not so good at it. I don't hold it against myself, though, because I hear everyday about horrid things that I could never be capable of doing being done right here on this very planet. I've never so much as injured someone.

I mean, my dread is really about what's going to happen in this life, in this world, it just gets to me a lot how resentful and petty people are.

The best I can do really is just head on to Earth Cave and kick the living shit out of that there Lich.

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Posted: 4th August 2016 01:12

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Quote (Spooniest @ 3rd August 2016 18:43)
No, I confine my dread to the troubles of this life, which is bad enough.

Uh, I'm a protestant. smile.gif

And yeah, uh I was raised to give as much love to as many people as I could providing I do not endanger anyone, the whole "love your neighbor as yourself," and "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" things.

I am not so good at it. I don't hold it against myself, though, because I hear everyday about horrid things that I could never be capable of doing being done right here on this very planet. I've never so much as injured someone.

I mean, my dread is really about what's going to happen in this life, in this world, it just gets to me a lot how resentful and petty people are.

The best I can do really is just head on to Earth Cave and kick the living shit out of that there Lich.


lol, nice @ the Lich comment

Sounds like you have good morals when all is said and done, which is more than most people can say. All I can really say from here is to try to not dread the unknown in life as you probably don't dread salvation in death/the afterlife.

I hear you completely on the resent and pettiness of people. Why, I have an issue on this very forum at the moment with that kind of resent and pettiness.

Best you can do is admit you cannot help them and try not to be offended by their flaws, instead, know that all humans are flawed and they have good traits that are often hard to find, but once you find them, it can be rewarding. Take your deep breath, slowly exhale and go from there. Hopefully, you will calm down enough to approach the situation rationally and all parties will be better for it.

Either way, if you ever need to vent or talk, there are people here willing to listen and give advice. You seem smart enough to know not to blindly act on advice as if it's 'gospel' or 'professional' or 'definite'. wink.gif

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Posted: 4th August 2016 02:02

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Really it boils down to bracing for the impact of the next horrible news.

Once a person is past a certain age, they realize that life is not all bubblegum and candy canes and pac man video games and hula hoops and Dan Fogelberg.

It just saddens me that I can't enjoy my downtime the way I used to. I'm too nervous about all sorts of things, and regret is always knocking at the door.

I only want to get through life without having any more horrid arguments with people.

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Posted: 9th August 2016 14:24

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Quote (Dynamic Threads @ 3rd August 2016 22:04)
Quote (Stiltzkin @ 3rd August 2016 13:25)


DT, I'm sure your efforts here are designed to be helpful, but unless you're actually a qualified medical professional, please do be careful about 'diagnosing' or 'analysing' anything. You have no way of knowing how your words can affect people and your misguided efforts could have hurtful consequences.



Dude, seriously, get a life. Go find someone else to troll on. As it stands you're really trying to get a reaction out of me and it isn't going to happen, so either ignore my posts or find something better to do.

I will not address you again, so move on.

Jeeeez. Do you even know what trolling is?

He just disagreed with you, and wasn't even rude about it. huh.gif

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Posted: 9th August 2016 15:55

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I agree that this seems to have been an overreaction on your part Dynamic.

Let's let it lie, shall we? smile.gif I do not see how igniting a flame war will aid me in reducing the amount of stress and turmoil in my own life, can't imagine what it's like for other people.

I will now throw Mitch Hedberg quotes out at random.

"I sometimes put a baked potato in the oven, even if I don't want one. Cuz by the time it's done, who knows."

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to, too."

"My manager said to me, 'Mitch, don't use alcohol as a crutch.' I could not very well use alcohol as a crutch, because a crutch *helps* me walk."

"The dog is forever in the push-up position."

"I don't need a receipt for a donut. I give you the money, you give me the donut, let's not bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine any scenario in which I would be required to prove that I bought a donut. Like, 'Yeah, that's my donut. I got the documentation right here. ...Oh wait, it's at home, in the file. Under D. For donut.'"

"I do not have a girlfriend, I only know a girl who would be very upset if she heard me say that."

biggrin.gif

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Posted: 9th August 2016 22:46

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Quote (Blinge Odonata @ 9th August 2016 09:24)
Quote (Dynamic Threads @ 3rd August 2016 22:04)
Quote (Stiltzkin @ 3rd August 2016 13:25)


DT, I'm sure your efforts here are designed to be helpful, but unless you're actually a qualified medical professional, please do be careful about 'diagnosing' or 'analysing' anything. You have no way of knowing how your words can affect people and your misguided efforts could have hurtful consequences.



Dude, seriously, get a life. Go find someone else to troll on. As it stands you're really trying to get a reaction out of me and it isn't going to happen, so either ignore my posts or find something better to do.

I will not address you again, so move on.

Jeeeez. Do you even know what trolling is?

He just disagreed with you, and wasn't even rude about it. huh.gif


If I hadn't recently been called an utter moron by him, among other things, I wouldn't have responded at all probably. It was not an over-reaction. I spoke my piece and kept it to the point on his attempts to get a rise out of me. That's it. Disagree all you want, if you need to.

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Posted: 10th August 2016 07:35

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Magitek Soldier
Posts: 335

Joined: 24/4/2011

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Member of more than ten years. First place in the CoN World Cup soccer competition, 2018. Celebrated the CoN 20th Anniversary at the forums. Contributor to the Final Fantasy IX section of CoN. 
Second place in the CoN Euro Cup soccer competition, 2016. Member of more than five years. Second place in the CoN World Cup fantasy game for 2014. User has rated 75 fanarts in the CoN galleries. 
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I was only ever commenting in response to the thread and to the topic started by Spooniest in his OP. It's cute that you think you're so important that my purpose was to get a rise out of you. Sorry, but you're not. It wasn't. Please stop de-railing this thread.

Spoony - who is Mitch Hedberg? It's not a name I've come across, but some of those quips are gold!

Being so nervous or on edge that you can't enjoy what you used to sucks balls, I can sympathise with you there. One thing I was told was to stop trying to view everything as the big, terrifying picture. Break it into tiny chunks you can beat. Maybe find something small that makes you happy even if only briefly - and don't dismiss that brief happiness. Build on it.

Hell, I suck at following that advice, but maybe it might help.

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Post #211183
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Posted: 10th August 2016 15:30

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Black Waltz
Posts: 900

Joined: 12/7/2011

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Member of more than ten years. Celebrated the CoN 20th Anniversary at the forums. Member of more than five years. User has rated 25 fanarts in the CoN galleries. 
Mitch Hedberg was a comedian who was mostly active in the 90's I believe. He did not live to see the atrocities of the modern generation.

His specialty was self-deprication and one-liners of the most bizarre nature, and general food-related humor, among (ahem) other subjects.

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