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I just had a fight with my spouse, which stemmed from me showing her this picture.
Because she and our mutual friend were playing WoW during the time she was supposed to be spending with me. And I don't much like being told to "get back to the kitchen" or the equivalent thereof. Am I just a clingy spouse for getting upset about it? It's not the first time it's happened.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

You're not clingy at all. If you'd already agreed that the time was to be spent together and she decided to do something else (especially without even consulting you), you've every right to be upset.

Also, I completely agree with the title.

This post has been edited by Cefca on 24th May 2015 21:58

Quote (Cefca @ 24th May 2015 14:57)

You're not clingy at all. If you'd already agreed that the time was to be spent together and she decided to do something else (especially without even consulting you), you've every right to be upset.

Also, I completely agree with the title.

Well, that's one person on my side.
Sorry about sharing the picture, but I'm a sucker for FF and it was almost exactly what was happening.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

Wow dickish

Relationships are hard, yes

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X is blue.

Quote (Spooniest @ 24th May 2015 15:32)

Wow dickish

Relationships are hard, yes

Worst thing is that I can't say anything about it, or else I'm the bad guy.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

Hell yes, relationships are hard. The trick is knowing you've found one worth working hard for.

Based on what you've said here, it doesn't sound clingy. It sounds like she's been inconsiderate, but then again, that's probably because she feels so comfortable with you she didn't think you'd mind - and that's kind of a backwards compliment. Unfortunately, as accurate as it may be, you showing her the picture probably came off as a little passive-agressive.

It's always good to bear in mind a wider context (I'm not asking or accusing, just saying). You may have some traits that annoy her, or there may have been a miscommunication between the two of you. Most arguments in relationships happen because of poor comunication between the two people. Maybe one person doesn't really say what they mean, but then gets upset when their unsaid words are ignored; or they complain about a minor niggle rather than address the real, deeper issue. Alternatively, because the person you love is the person you feel most comfortable with, they unfairly get flak for other issues in your life.

In essence, most of these things can be avoided with work and thought. Don't pick on the little things if there's a real issue that bothers you. Talk about it. This applies whether the issue is with your partner or outside life. Don't bring things up in an aggressive or passsive-aggressive way - this will only provoke a confrontation, put your partner on the defensive and ensure a massive row with no progress. The trick is to bring the issues up in a constructive way and explain how you feel without making it sound like a blame game - e.g. "When this happens I feel unhappy" instead of "You doing this annoys me".

It's difficult to do when you're the upset party, but it's important to always remember who you're talking to and how they make you feel. If they're the right person and they really care about you, then as long as you approach things the right way they will listen. Conversely, even soulmates can lose each other through a lack of good communication.

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We apologise for the inconvenience

Quote (Stiltzkin @ 25th May 2015 07:26)

Hell yes, relationships are hard. The trick is knowing you've found one worth working hard for.

Based on what you've said here, it doesn't sound clingy. It sounds like she's been inconsiderate, but then again, that's probably because she feels so comfortable with you she didn't think you'd mind - and that's kind of a backwards compliment. Unfortunately, as accurate as it may be, you showing her the picture probably came off as a little passive-agressive.

It's always good to bear in mind a wider context (I'm not asking or accusing, just saying). You may have some traits that annoy her, or there may have been a miscommunication between the two of you. Most arguments in relationships happen because of poor comunication between the two people. Maybe one person doesn't really say what they mean, but then gets upset when their unsaid words are ignored; or they complain about a minor niggle rather than address the real, deeper issue. Alternatively, because the person you love is the person you feel most comfortable with, they unfairly get flak for other issues in your life.

In essence, most of these things can be avoided with work and thought. Don't pick on the little things if there's a real issue that bothers you. Talk about it. This applies whether the issue is with your partner or outside life. Don't bring things up in an aggressive or passsive-aggressive way - this will only provoke a confrontation, put your partner on the defensive and ensure a massive row with no progress. The trick is to bring the issues up in a constructive way and explain how you feel without making it sound like a blame game - e.g. "When this happens I feel unhappy" instead of "You doing this annoys me".

It's difficult to do when you're the upset party, but it's important to always remember who you're talking to and how they make you feel. If they're the right person and they really care about you, then as long as you approach things the right way they will listen. Conversely, even soulmates can lose each other through a lack of good communication.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'll try that.
I can't really think of a bigger issue other than the fact that she does this to me often. But I digress, your advice seems really helpful. Really, thank you.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

Sorry Ker I Emailed you asking the situation because I didn't notice this thread...

I see what you meant. Almost reminds me of my ex only she was computer illiterate.
Her case was Cops and Maury that she watched religiously and ignored me when it was on. That is Maury if it was the paternity test episodes but any other episodes Jack Hannah or any other happy episode she refused to watch. She was always angry too and it because she fed off angry shows. But enough of my deal.

I love Final Fantasy though except for online and WoW was the worst thing with my best friend till he woke up from it.

But I feel for you I'd hope things worked out for you after y'all talked but if not...

Just let me know if you need anything.

Again I'm sorry for not noticing this thread before Emailing you.

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I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3

FWIW, I don't think you're in the wrong. =/

My ex-husband was often guilty of spending time playing MMOs and fighting games with his friends. It didn't bother me except when we made plans to get together and he'd blow our time together off to go 'on a raid' or something. (Similarily, my ex-boyfriend would always make excuses to go out partying with other women and get mad when I wanted time to myself -- but that's a whole other can of emotional worms..)

Relationships take work. Everyone who says they're "easy" or "peaches and cream" obviously haven't been in one and are totally in for a rude awakening when they do. In agreeing with Skiltzkin, if there's one thing I learned from my past two relationships (which doesn't rack up against my siblings, whom have been in 'dozens'), it's talk. Don't bottle up your emotions; let them be heard. Seriously sit down and have a talk. If the other half is like the two I've dealt with (hard-headed, not wanting to listen, very aggressive), then a mediator or counselor might be a good route to go. =)

(I could seriously take my own advice, as I'm the type to just quietly sit there/take it and be upset/blow up later on in an inappropriate outburst. If I could rework my relationship with my ex-husband, I would.)

I hope things work out for you. =)

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' I've always hoped that you would end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the King of Pain. '

That's crazy to me. I can't believe some of these guys. I mean, don't they know that no game can provide more enjoyment than a woman?

This post has been edited by BlitzSage on 10th June 2015 04:16

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Praise Be To Helix!

Quote (Ker @ 24th May 2015 18:31)

I just had a fight with my spouse, which stemmed from me showing her this picture.
Because she and our mutual friend were playing WoW during the time she was supposed to be spending with me. And I don't much like being told to "get back to the kitchen" or the equivalent thereof. Am I just a clingy spouse for getting upset about it? It's not the first time it's happened.

Well, I am not aware of all of the details surrounding the fight you had with her but she may have taken you showing her that picture as a bit passive aggressive, which is not always the greatest approach, as it is generally viewed as somewhat deceptive.

If she is spending too much time playing WoW and putting aside time you could be spending together, I would suggest sitting down and having a discussion about it when she is away from the game. Explain to her that you would like to do something together and put an idea forward, like a walk or even a game/movie you could both enjoy and/or participate in.

Quote (Abyss Worm @ 18th June 2015 22:51)

Quote (Ker @ 24th May 2015 18:31)

I just had a fight with my spouse, which stemmed from me showing her this picture.
Because she and our mutual friend were playing WoW during the time she was supposed to be spending with me. And I don't much like being told to "get back to the kitchen" or the equivalent thereof. Am I just a clingy spouse for getting upset about it? It's not the first time it's happened.

Well, I am not aware of all of the details surrounding the fight you had with her but she may have taken you showing her that picture as a bit passive aggressive, which is not always the greatest approach, as it is generally viewed as somewhat deceptive.

If she is spending too much time playing WoW and putting aside time you could be spending together, I would suggest sitting down and having a discussion about it when she is away from the game. Explain to her that you would like to do something together and put an idea forward, like a walk or even a game/movie you could both enjoy and/or participate in.

Thank you for your input...
But I'm breaking up with her. *laughs softly* I still really appreciate it though.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

It's not typically supposed to be humorous to break up with someone, if that was the implication with the "soft laugh."

Quote (Abyss Worm @ 19th June 2015 04:24)

It's not typically supposed to be humorous to break up with someone, if that was the implication with the "soft laugh."

No. I always laugh when I'm depressed. To try and feel better.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

Tough decision to make, but if that's what you feel is best, you should probably stick to your guns and go through with it. It will be worth it in the end.
I did the same with my ex so many years ago, she was always making excuses to not spend time together and they were usually really poor ones. I mean, I appreciate we all need some alone time and time with friends, etc, but you need a balance that works for both partners.
It's usually worth talking these things out first if possible, but if that doesn't work then the option you've chosen is definitely one that should be considered if you're not happy.

It's likely you'll have a bit of a hole in your life now though, so you'd be best trying to find something t fill it with, something you're passionate about. Should help you get over things better.

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'Let that be a lesson to all oppressive vegetable sellers.'

Did you try talking to her about this instead?

Yes, relationships are hard. You have to WORK at them. Not break up with someone over something like this. They game. Obviously, you game to some extent. You're on a forum dedicated to Final Fantasy. Relationships are a lot easier if you communicate and try to express your feelings towards issues.


If you aren't willing to put in that work then I don't know what to tell you. But it seems to me like you are taking the easy way out of a somewhat silly issue.

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And have you found your joy, in this near dead world of ours?

Quote (Gabe @ 20th June 2015 08:41)

Did you try talking to her about this instead?

Yes, relationships are hard.  You have to WORK at them.  Not break up with someone over something like this.  They game.  Obviously, you game to some extent.  You're on a forum dedicated to Final Fantasy.  Relationships are a lot easier if you communicate and try to express your feelings towards issues.


If you aren't willing to put in that work then I don't know what to tell you.  But it seems to me like you are taking the easy way out of a somewhat silly issue.

You know, you're coming off as rather aggressive in the beginning there. Just going to point that out to you.
I game. Do I play FFVI relentlessly and ignore the world around me? No. I have better things to do than sit around fighting Kefka, but oftentimes when the house is clean and whatnot, I end up having to do just that, because my ex couldn't be bothered to pay me any mind, even when I was having suicidal thoughts.
And for your information? I did "WORK" at it. I've been in this relationship for four goddamn years, four goddamn years trying to get her to spend just a little bit of time with me. True, it's gotten worse as of late, but, it's always been an issue.

After four years of this BS, I think I have every right to break up with her over "a game".

This post has been edited by Ker on 21st June 2015 16:43

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

If it took you four years of zero return value to realize something is amiss, it's hard to empathize with this post.

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And have you found your joy, in this near dead world of ours?

Quote (Gabe @ 22nd June 2015 18:52)

If it took you four years of zero return value to realize something is amiss, it's hard to empathize with this post.

I was trying to fix it. Things were great during the first few months.
Then WoW. I made a mistake, like oh-so-many people do. I don't care if you don't empathize with me, because first you accuse me of not trying hard enough, and then imply that I'm stupid for doing just that, trying.

Regardless, this issue is over and done with. Go be rude to someone else, please. I don't have the emotional strength to be nice or patient with you.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

It sounds like you tried. And that's honestly commendable. If you tried for 4 years to make it work, you must've at least cared for her. It's a shame she doesnt seem to share those feelings.

Your heart gets broken sometimes and it's never fun or easy. It's been just over a year since I left my abusive ex and it still hurts. Sometimes I find myself wishing he'd talk to me again and I don't know why. I empathize with you.

I think you'll be alright in the end, though. Don't worry. The sun'll rise again and one day it won't even surprise you anymore.

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moé in the streets, senpai in the sheets

Quote (Malevolence @ 22nd June 2015 21:27)

It sounds like you tried. And that's honestly commendable. If you tried for 4 years to make it work, you must've at least cared for her. It's a shame she doesnt seem to share those feelings.

Your heart gets broken sometimes and it's never fun or easy. It's been just over a year since I left my abusive ex and it still hurts. Sometimes I find myself wishing he'd talk to me again and I don't know why. I empathize with you.

I think you'll be alright in the end, though. Don't worry. The sun'll rise again and one day it won't even surprise you anymore.

Thank you. Your words have warmed my heart.
I'm happy that you think that... I want it to be true myself.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

I think emotions may understandably be flaring here. Gabe's comments may be on the blunt side, but they are based on the information he's been given - which is inevitably not the whole story. He's right - to spend 4 years 'trying' to fix a thing with no improvement is a foolish act, regardless of the context. If the only problems in your relationship are/were simply that she plays too much WoW, then again, to dump her is pretty flippant. This is especially true if this issue was not properly, constructively discussed with her - and it's important to note that just because you think you did this, doesn't mean you really did.

HOWEVER, it is inevitable that the situation is more complex, and that you haven't told us the full story. I suspect that the rift in your relationship ran deeper than WoW, and that that was simply the crack through which the explosion vented. It sounds like there may be dependency issues and problems on both sides of your relationship which would likely undermine any relationship (trust me, I've been there) - it's dangerous to rely on one person for your happiness; though I'm only saying that based on an inference from one of your comments.


The only thing to say for certain is it sounds like this break is the right thing for both of you. It'll hurt, but as long as you learn from it, it'll be worth it.

Ker, you're understandably sensitive right now, but you did also choose to open the topic of conversation. Good advice sometimes hurts. Play nice, guys.

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We apologise for the inconvenience

"You're an idiot for staying for 4 years" isn't good advice. How does "You're hurting but I don't agree with your methods so I do not empathize with your pain" help at all?
EDIT: No, sorry. This is out of line. I had an exchange with Gabe that made me angry but it's not right to call him out like this. I'm sorry. That was wrong.

Yes Ker is young and all told a relationship started when you were like 14 probably isn't going to last. But you were young too. You're adults. You're supposed to be uplifting younger people, not rubbing salt in their wounds while they're still nursing them. "I don't empathize" isn't helpful.

This post has been edited by Malevolence on 23rd June 2015 22:11

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moé in the streets, senpai in the sheets

It's my fault. It was shortsighted of me to talk about it on an online forum where it isn't relevant. I think I'm going to leave CoN, at least for a while. I've caused too much problems for everyone here, with my emotional rambling and whatnot.
I may have been young, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm an idiot, or excuse my idiocy.
No, this isn't a ploy for pity or some nonsense. I don't want any sympathy, I'm trying to apologize. For... Well, for everything.

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"I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.

Quote (Ker @ 24th June 2015 02:29)

It's my fault. It was shortsighted of me to talk about it on an online forum where it isn't relevant. I think I'm going to leave CoN, at least for a while. I've caused too much problems for everyone here, with my emotional rambling and whatnot.
I may have been young, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm an idiot, or excuse my idiocy.
No, this isn't a ploy for pity or some nonsense. I don't want any sympathy, I'm trying to apologize. For... Well, for everything.

The internet is a wild frontier, kid - you've gotta be prepared for people to challenge your views and position, sometimes in an ugly way. Although, I'd like to think that CoN is not particularly unpleasant at all. Some of us are just...blunt.

FWIW, I don't think there was any irrelevance here. The general topics forum is for exactly this kind of thing - random discussions about life, the universe, and everything. I don't think there was any idiocy involved either; you seem to think you're causing problems when what you're actually doing is generating and engaging in discussion - that's kinda what a forum needs - so it's the opposite of a problem.

But, you gotta do what you gotta do.

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We apologise for the inconvenience