CoN 25th Anniversary: 1997-2022
My progress in life!!!
 Posted: 27th July 2014 06:05
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  Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:  
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I know I have a controversial past here due to my ever changing opinions in the past.
While still Christian I have left the negativity of the church I was once part of been gone from it for almost 3 years. I am much happier and starting to lose weight and see an endocrinologist about my gender dysphoria in September so I'll be starting my journey from my biological gender to the gender I've been inside my heart and mind all along. I know those here who still believe in me as a person will be happy for me and if anyone here isn't I'm sorry for any trouble I caused to make you not care. I've just had a complicated and painful past. I wish y'all all the best though and hope y'all have a great night cause I'm going to bed. Good night!!!  -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #207286
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Posted: 27th July 2014 15:00
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Congratulations! Sounds like you're really making progress towards being where you want to be in life. I hope it goes well for you.
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Post #207288
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Posted: 27th July 2014 20:54
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  Posts: 242 Joined: 13/6/2001 Awards:
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Post #207292
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Posted: 27th July 2014 23:53
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Quote (His Shadow) I demand pictures!!!! Lol  Well this is a picture of me dressed up with makeup. But I don't have any pictures of me without on the internet anymore. I even deleted my old Youtube videos and channel because they were offensive and wrong. But I'll be making a timeline later and may post it here. and at Exploding Rabbit. This post has been edited by seraphimdreamer777 on 27th July 2014 23:54 -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #207293
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Posted: 30th August 2014 19:07
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Posts: 242 Joined: 13/6/2001 Awards:
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 27th July 2014 18:53) Quote (His Shadow) I demand pictures!!!! Lol Well this is a picture of me dressed up with makeup. But I don't have any pictures of me without on the internet anymore. I even deleted my old Youtube videos and channel because they were offensive and wrong. But I'll be making a timeline later and may post it here. and at Exploding Rabbit. I highly recommend moving towards areas like Chicago where you can get better help from those who understand you. I think being around those who understand you and share your beliefs will go a long way. I myself am a conservative in a Militant Liberal City of Chicago so needless to say I do not fit in with the culture. Here in Chicago (North and West Side only) you have a huge community out there with people who understand you. Boystown takes in a lot of males from the South Side in the black community where its a taboo and they have shelters and medical professionals that help people find themselves. -------------------- His Divine Shadow |
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Post #207415
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Posted: 31st August 2014 22:54
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Thanks but if I move it will be Portland Oregon I have friends there.
-------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #207417
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Posted: 2nd September 2014 01:28
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Posts: 242 Joined: 13/6/2001 Awards:
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 31st August 2014 17:54) Thanks but if I move it will be Portland Oregon I have friends there. Oh sweet, I hear Oregon has a very open community as well. -------------------- His Divine Shadow |
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Post #207420
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Posted: 18th May 2015 08:37
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Sorry I've been lacking on updates but...
I've been on Estradiol since last October and earlier this month they upped my dosage and added Spironolactone. Which are types of hormonal medicine. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208774
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Posted: 23rd May 2015 20:36
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  Posts: 2,674 Joined: 9/12/2006 Awards:
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 18th May 2015 04:37) Sorry I've been lacking on updates but... I've been on Estradiol since last October and earlier this month they upped my dosage and added Spironolactone. Which are types of hormonal medicine. How long do you have to be on that? -------------------- |
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Post #208802
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Posted: 24th May 2015 00:53
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 Posts: 198 Joined: 17/2/2015 Awards:
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You and I are very alike, but very different...
-------------------- "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death. |
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Post #208805
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Posted: 29th May 2015 01:09
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Quote (BlitzSage @ 23rd May 2015 20:36) Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 18th May 2015 04:37) Sorry I've been lacking on updates but... I've been on Estradiol since last October and earlier this month they upped my dosage and added Spironolactone. Which are types of hormonal medicine. How long do you have to be on that? As far as I know I'll be on the meds the rest of my life. As for the moving process I'm between moving to Portland OR as planned or Vancouver WA. It's been slow getting out of FL because my mom and case worker are worried about me moving. I still have on the long term list... Figuring out if I should do home laser hair removal or professional. My name change of which I'd like to be called... Mitsy Maria McKenzie I also have to get SRS or GRS which I'm not sure which term they use at the moment. SRS = Sex Reassignment Surgery GRS = Gender Reassignment Surgury Finally I'm undecided on finding a significant other. Because some say it might be helpful to find someone to be there for me through the struggle. But others say I should wait til after I'm done. I have thought if I don't let my loneliness and longing for love get in the way just let it happen naturally. As far as my attractions too while not set in stone. I prefer other transgender women. Even though some might look at me as a chaser but that's not the case because... I've been with a cisgender woman she broke it off with me. That was after asking her to marry me. She then decided she never wanted to be with a woman. She broke my heart and gave me distrust towards cisgender women. Also a transgender woman would know what I'm going through. So over all it's not about fetish of it all. In fact to be bluntly I could care less if she's pre op post op as long as she loves me and I love her. Mutual love to me is that we are happy with each other not just physically or financial, But we both feel comfortable around each other for the large part of the time. I know we might need time in separate rooms and be slow to jealousy when it comes to friends on both sides. As I said it's not a set in stone the old saying goes I could find love with a cisgender woman or a cisgender/transgender man. But anyways if any of this is too personal I'm sorry and I will edit immediately when told as I do not often post on these forums and don't feel like reading the rules every time I return from hiatus. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208855
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Posted: 29th May 2015 05:01
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Posts: 2,674 Joined: 9/12/2006 Awards:
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It certainly doesn't bother me. I can only imagine going through it, but I imagine I'd need to talk about it, just to get it out. We can't know how difficult it is, but at least you have some people to listen.
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Post #208863
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Posted: 29th May 2015 19:33
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Thanks.
 -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208871
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Posted: 30th May 2015 00:57
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Posts: 198 Joined: 17/2/2015 Awards:
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Well, I'm rather late to say anything.
But... I know how it feels... What you're going through. -------------------- "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death. |
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Post #208873
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Posted: 30th May 2015 06:04
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Quote (Ker @ 30th May 2015 00:57) Well, I'm rather late to say anything. But... I know how it feels... What you're going through. Well all I can say is the same I tell myself hang in there. If you use AIM and you want to or need to talk more I'm there. My AIM name is listed on my profile same as my Yahoo name but I'm always on AIM when I'm online. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208880
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Posted: 30th May 2015 22:36
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 Posts: 170 Joined: 13/7/2006 Awards: 
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Wanted to chime in some encouragement. I'll stand for you choosing to seek out a significant other when you are ready rather than leaving that to those other people who are eager to decide for you.
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Post #208887
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Posted: 1st June 2015 02:13
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Quote (DragonKnight Zero @ 30th May 2015 22:36) Wanted to chime in some encouragement. I'll stand for you choosing to seek out a significant other when you are ready rather than leaving that to those other people who are eager to decide for you. Well I've been ready and looking. But there is this one woman who seems so sweet. But I know she's not interested because she told me she doesn't know me well enough. I mean she is a great friend but I can't get her out of my head as possibly more. She is beautiful and talented and like I said a all in all sweetheart. I thought I found someone else that would get her off my mind and things were working out till the the other person met someone else a common happening in long distance relationships. If only I could quit being such a lovesick air head I'd feel happier. I just hate being alone for one. Plus I want someone I feel comfortable with. I just feel a kindred spirit in the one that said she's not interested. I kind of fear her seeing this if she knows I'm referring to her. But I have to get this off my chest and hopefully get a wide range of advice on letting my Feelings of her go so me and her can just be friends. I'd just rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. So how can I solve this. I don't think not talking will help. Because I quit talking to her after mistaking her being busy with work for her being bothered by my saying how much I love her. So if not talking doesn't work what else might get her off my mind? I just want to learn to be happy just being friends and nothing more before I stress the friendship so much that it won't work. Any advice or am I just crazy and out of luck.  -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208895
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Posted: 1st June 2015 04:20
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Posts: 198 Joined: 17/2/2015 Awards:
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 31st May 2015 19:13) Quote (DragonKnight Zero @ 30th May 2015 22:36) Wanted to chime in some encouragement. I'll stand for you choosing to seek out a significant other when you are ready rather than leaving that to those other people who are eager to decide for you. Well I've been ready and looking. But there is this one woman who seems so sweet. But I know she's not interested because she told me she doesn't know me well enough. I mean she is a great friend but I can't get her out of my head as possibly more. She is beautiful and talented and like I said a all in all sweetheart. I thought I found someone else that would get her off my mind and things were working out till the the other person met someone else a common happening in long distance relationships. If only I could quit being such a lovesick air head I'd feel happier. I just hate being alone for one. Plus I want someone I feel comfortable with. I just feel a kindred spirit in the one that said she's not interested. I kind of fear her seeing this if she knows I'm referring to her. But I have to get this off my chest and hopefully get a wide range of advice on letting my Feelings of her go so me and her can just be friends. I'd just rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. So how can I solve this. I don't think not talking will help. Because I quit talking to her after mistaking her being busy with work for her being bothered by my saying how much I love her. So if not talking doesn't work what else might get her off my mind? I just want to learn to be happy just being friends and nothing more before I stress the friendship so much that it won't work. Any advice or am I just crazy and out of luck. Your feelings will fade with time. It's a wound only time can truly heal. -------------------- "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death. |
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Post #208897
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Posted: 1st June 2015 04:49
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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@Ker thanks I hope your right.
But I hope no one thinks badly of her because she is a sweet woman. She has been a great friend it's just me having trouble accepting that we are just friends and only friends. EDIT: I just wanted to say she found out I still loved her... She said she wasn't ever mad or scared and I can't help who I love. She also said after a little talking she had found someone somewhere between the time we weren't talking. I've had trouble holding back my depression but realize that if I truly love her I have to love her enough to let her be happy with who she loves. I'm gonna seek out group counseling to hopefully become more social and hopefully someday I'll meet my true love. This post has been edited by seraphimdreamer777 on 5th June 2015 02:34 -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #208899
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Posted: 24th June 2015 09:20
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Posts: 170 Joined: 13/7/2006 Awards:
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Took me a while to put some of my scattered thoughts into text. Going to leave them scattered and disorganized otherwise they would stay stuck. Generally, what follows is my opinion (except when I parrot another's).
Relationships make someone more of who they already are. Communication is more about what the other person hears than what one says. I've found the path to true love or romance is twisty. Some people do find their special someone on the first attempt. Everyone's journey is different though and it may take multiple relationships (along with other life experiences) to learn enough about oneself to become the right person when one meets their true love. Developing a posture of not being emotionally dependent on a partner will be a win-win. This can coexist with a strong desire for a life partner too. Intensity fades over time for both attraction and heartbreak. I hold the opinion that loving someone is about caring about the well being of the whole person. I think I'm in the minority but whatever. When priorities are clear, decisions are easy. From my end, appears you're doing something right. |
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Post #209265
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Posted: 24th June 2015 18:19
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I can't pretend to be able to advise with regards to the gender elements of your story, but love and heartbreak is something which transcends that.
Love is always tortuous - that's part of the thrill. Unrequited love is even worse. But as others have said, it fades, with time. Time and distance will help it fade faster, but that's not always easy to achieve, or even desirable. If it is real love though, then as has been said, the desire for other person to be happy will trump your desire for your own happiness, and you will find some peace in that. Being alone sucks, I can vouch for that. THere's also a vicious circle to be wary of where loneliness leads to desperation - which will not attract anybody. The best any of us can do is to get ourselves to a point where we are comfortable enough in ourselves and recepetive to an opportunity for love. Then when an opportunity arises, we'll be able to seize it. I think a lot of it is, sadly, timing and sheer bloody coincidence. Counselling can sometimes help, but it's important for you to feel it beneficial than simply doing it because you think you should. It's also remarkable how much difference can be made by finding a counsellor you click with. That's important. -------------------- We apologise for the inconvenience |
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Post #209277
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Posted: 25th June 2015 03:34
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Well the other day I got depressed because the way I feel locally outcasted by my friends and others in my neighborhood. They only want me around when they have problems or need money it seems. So I decided to slit my wrists but luckily my weapon of choice was my house keys which had no effect it didn't even leave a scratch. So now I feel better but it seems like one of my worst issues I've had is over all loneliness so I don't know what to do.
I know I've outburst here in the past when I didn't realize it wasn't y'all it wasn't me it's the people I live around. I wish I could move but my case worker thinks I need to learn to pay bills and drive. But paying bills doesn't look hard when my mom does it. But driving scares me. I don't know what to do. Also I love my mom so that also proves to be a problem. Because I don't want to leave her. But don't worry I'm not feeling suicidal anymore at the moment and if I do I got a couple help hotline numbers for LGBT. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209282
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Posted: 22nd July 2015 23:29
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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I just wanted to let y'all know I'm doing better. I might be able to get discounted or free laser. If I can get a note from the psychiatrist. I'm so excited.
-------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209405
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Posted: 23rd July 2015 03:33
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Posts: 198 Joined: 17/2/2015 Awards:
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Nice. Seems like you're doing pretty good.
-------------------- "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death. |
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Post #209406
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Posted: 12th August 2015 06:25
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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I'm hurting... I'm lost... One of my friends called me dishonest and selfish and said he never considered me a friend. So I'm not moving to Portland Oregon or Vancouver Washington. I feel so betrayed this event has cost me multiple friends in fact. I know I sound like a hypocrite as I know I betrayed people of this community long ago.
I don't know what to do I feel like I'm dying or maybe emotionally dead. I talked to a woman tonight that I thought might be interested in me but I think I came on to strongly and scared her away. Also I can't afford my new meds for anxiety that my doctor prescribed. I feel hopeless like I'm trapped in Jacksonville with no friends hardly any family and money. No one will ever love me. I don't know if I have much left to go on.  -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209479
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Posted: 31st August 2015 15:29
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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I'm sorry I forgot to let y'all know I'm OK.
The night I posted my last post I went into the hospital. But I'm out now and have amazing news. The girl I said I liked she's gonna come visit me next year. She's no longer taken so hopefully things will work out for us. If things workout I'm gonna treasure her forever as I hope she treasures me as well.  I have more pics of me for y'all too.    -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209536
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Posted: 2nd September 2015 07:03
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Posts: 2,674 Joined: 9/12/2006 Awards:
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Post #209545
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Posted: 5th September 2015 09:29
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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Sorry for the drama I've had for the past few months.
I've made a decision that is for the best. She finally told me she will never have feelings for me so... I'm giving up on love and human emotions. I'm gonna focus on myself. My education,my transition and taking care of myself. I'm through with caring about people. My heart is closed and dead. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209559
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Posted: 18th November 2015 07:58
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Posts: 221 Joined: 21/6/2008 Awards:
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I'm still alive just feel incredibly alone. I'm no longer welcomed at my favorite forum anymore. I lost so many friends and feel alone at times even cut my hair after having problems at the forums I regularly posted. I have lost a lot of local friends too and have become recluse. I am however still transitioning never stopped. I also feel I can no longer follow such an unjust faith. God has taken so much from me and given so little.
I just hope my life turns around soon for the better. -------------------- I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3 |
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Post #209841
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Posted: 20th November 2015 03:07
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Posts: 198 Joined: 17/2/2015 Awards:
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 18th November 2015 00:58) I'm still alive just feel incredibly alone. I'm no longer welcomed at my favorite forum anymore. I lost so many friends and feel alone at times even cut my hair after having problems at the forums I regularly posted. I have lost a lot of local friends too and have become recluse. I am however still transitioning never stopped. I also feel I can no longer follow such an unjust faith. God has taken so much from me and given so little. I just hope my life turns around soon for the better. I'd be loathe to tell you to give up hope and stop caring. That won't solve any of your problems, and will only make them worse. I myself am an atheist, but you should choose your religious standing based on more than the current events in your life. Loneliness is not the nicest feeling, but it will pass. -------------------- "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death. |
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Post #209845
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