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It started with an idea i had for school about a month ago for creative writing club, and is now growing into a full fledged fanfic with absolutley no idea of an outline, 'cept for the ending. I'll see how far i can take this. as this is for school, i put an explanation of each character to my best ability. here it is:

Conatains some expert wrestling and violence from two twelve year olds. do not continue if this stuff bothers you.

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Fate

BY: David Resnick

Chapter One: (Title Pending)

Terra was the unofficial leader of the group of fourteen. She was half-Esper, as her father, Maduin was an Esper, and her mother, Madonna, was a human. The first Espers were humans who had been transformed by the magic of the Warring Triad, three gods who were the source of all magic. They were waging war against one another, and the magic they used to fight, left magical residue, similar to radiation, which transformed humans into Espers, and animals into monsters. The Espers could use magic, and their appearance was altered. Espers had bred with other Espers, and the new Espers were just like the old Espers, and so it went until Maduin, and Madonna broke the cycle.
The fourteen are Terra, the half-Esper, Edger, the king and mechanic, Sabin, the martial artist, Celes, the general, Locke, the thief/treasue hunter, Cyan, the retainer and swordsmen, Setzer, the airship pilot and gambler, Shadow, the ninja and assasin, Relm, the artist, Strago, the monster specialist, Gau, the abandoned child who lived on the Veldt as an infant, and had lived with monsters, Mog, the last living Moogle and dancer, Umaro, the uncontrollable yeti, and Gogo, the mysterious mimic with a secret.
They were walking towards Kefka's Tower, as the Falcon, their airship, had been destroyed. Relm walked with Mog, Gau, and Umaro, laughing at their humorous behavior. Strago walked with Shadow, whispering fervently and angrily in his ear. Cyan, Setzer, Sabin, and Edger were walking togther, talking about women, with Cyan reprimanding the other three. Celes and her boyfriend, Locke, were walking together, just content to walk side-by-side. Terra was ahead of the group scouting the land for enamies in her Esper-ian form. Gogo was walking slowly and lagging behind.
Terra flew over to Gogo, and reverted to her human form. “Come on, Gogo! We have to get there before Kefka finds us.” Terra told Gogo.
“…” Gogo nodded. Gogo never spoke unless Gogo had to.
Edger walked over said, “Gogo, why don’t you ever talk?”
As usual, Gogo didn’t reply, and Edger went to chat with Setzer and Sabin. Terra transformed back into her Esper-ian form, and went off ahead to scout the land, while Gogo merely walked faster.

________________________________________________________________________________

It was getting dark, so Mom called us in, “Come on in, Kefka, Cefca, you’re going to catch a cold.”
My older twin brother Kefka said to me, “Race you to the Technology Factory.”
I protested, “But Mom told us to come inside now.”
“Are you chicken, little brother?” Kefka replied.
“I replied, “You are only eleven minutes older than I am.”
“A lot has happened,” Kefka said, “in those eleven minutes.”
“Like what? Like you being slapped with the ‘Slap of Wisdom’?”
At this, my brother lunged at me, roaring in anger, but I had expected this, and deftly stepped to the side, and held my leg out. I had calculated perfectly: Kefka tripped on my leg, and I pounced on him, pulling his arms back. He started to cry in pain.
"Are you crying, 'big brother'? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." I provoked.
Suddenly, Kefka swung his legs back, and hit my back, knocking me foreword. He used this opportunity to lift his but up, completely throwing my off. As I flew off, Kefka punched up, and hit me in my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. As I fell, Kefka jumped up, and then tackled me, while I was on the ground, driving his elbow into my back. The world went red, and then dark...


EDIT: Grammer. fixed opportunity and foreword
EDIT2: fixed first few chapters and made it much more readable, according to Death Penalty's suggeston.

Please comment about what you think of my story so far. it takes place in the present in third person featuring gogo, and in the past with Cefca in first person. The two must fight often to be this good at fighting, huh? Or at least often enough to be able to predict each other...
please post. more coming.

This post has been edited by DR FF DS on 21st October 2007 22:22

it feels like your just stating facts. course, it is the first chapter, but one of the fanfic challenges is to give the information that you didn't make up gradually, as it is needed.

also, some paragraphing would really help the eyes.

finally, there are some problems with your use of commas throughout the chapter, and some grammar/spelling in the last part as well.

--------------------

Currently Playing : Final Fantasy V
Most Recently Beat : Elder Scrolls: Skyrim
Favorite Game : Final Fantasy X

The newest CoNcast is up! Have a listen!

Quote (Death Penalty @ 21st October 2007 21:42)

it feels like your just stating facts. course, it is the first chapter, but one of the fanfic challenges is to give the information that you didn't make up gradually, as it is needed.

also, some paragraphing would really help the eyes.

finally, there are some problems with your use of commas throughout the chapter, and some grammar/spelling in the last part as well.

I am just stating facts, for the first part, and for the second part i am telling a story. i reread but couldn't find any errors, besides ths ones i had already fixed. could you quote, and bold them? i really can't find any more...
I also thought it kinda ruined the story in some parts when i had the descriptions of people right after they talked. like the edger is king description right after he talked. i thought it kinda slowed down the story, and it is just better to introduce it all in the beginning... hm, the beginning. new idea, should be up by 45 min...
I am currently working on a prologue... but it is crap at this point and maybe won't ever see the light of day.
EDIT: I edited the begining to match death penalty's suggestion.

This post has been edited by DR FF DS on 21st October 2007 22:28

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Fate

BY: David Resnick

Chapter One: (Title Pending)

Terra was the unofficial leader of the group of fourteen. She was half-Esper, as her father, Maduin was an Esper, and her mother, Madonna, was a human. The first Espers were humans who had been transformed by the magic of the Warring Triad, three gods who were the source of all magic. They were waging war against one another, and the magic they used to fight, left magical residue, similar to radiation, which transformed humans into Espers, and animals into monsters. The Espers could use magic, and their appearance was altered. Espers had bred with other Espers, and the new Espers were just like the old Espers, and so it went until Maduin, and Madonna broke the cycle.
The fourteen are Terra, the half-Esper, Edger, the king and mechanic, Sabin, the martial artist, Celes, the general, Locke, the thief/treasue hunter, Cyan, the retainer and swordsmen, Setzer, the airship pilot and gambler, Shadow, the ninja and assasin, Relm, the artist, Strago, the monster specialist, Gau, the abandoned child who lived on the Veldt as an infant, and had lived with monsters, Mog, the last living Moogle and dancer, Umaro, the uncontrollable yeti, and Gogo, the mysterious mimic with a secret.
They were walking towards Kefka's Tower, as the Falcon, their airship, had been destroyed. Relm walked with Mog, Gau, and Umaro, laughing at their humorous behavior. Strago walked with Shadow, whispering fervently and angrily in his ear. Cyan, Setzer, Sabin, and Edger were walking togther, talking about women, with Cyan reprimanding the other three. Celes and her boyfriend, Locke, were walking together, just content to walk side-by-side. Terra was ahead of the group scouting the land for enamies in her Esper-ian form. Gogo was walking slowly and lagging behind.
Terra flew over to Gogo, and reverted to her human form. “Come on, Gogo! We have to get there before Kefka finds us.” Terra told Gogo.
“…” Gogo nodded. Gogo never spoke unless Gogo had to.
Edger walked over said, “Gogo, why don’t you ever talk?”
As usual, Gogo didn’t reply, and Edger went to chat with Setzer and Sabin. Terra transformed back into her Esper-ian form, and went off ahead to scout the land, while Gogo merely walked faster.

________________________________________________________________________________

It was getting dark, so Mom called us in, “Come on in, Kefka, Cefca, you’re going to catch a cold.”
My older twin brother Kefka said to me, “Race you to the Technology Factory.”
I protested, “But Mom told us to come inside now.”
“Are you chicken, little brother?” Kefka replied.
“I replied, “You are only eleven minutes older than I am.”
“A lot has happened,” Kefka said, “in those eleven minutes.”
“Like what? Like you being slapped with the ‘Slap of Wisdom’?”
At this, my brother lunged at me, roaring in anger, but I had expected this, and deftly stepped to the side, and held my leg out. I had calculated perfectly: Kefka tripped on my leg, and I pounced on him, pulling his arms back. He started to cry in pain.
"Are you crying, 'big brother'? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." I provoked.
Suddenly, Kefka swung his legs back, and hit my back, knocking me foreword. He used this opportunity to lift his but up, completely throwing my off. As I flew off, Kefka punched up, and hit me in my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. As I fell, Kefka jumped up, and then tackled me, while I was on the ground, driving his elbow into my back. The world went red as i fell to the ground writhing in pain.
As the sight returned, I saw Kefka charging me about to whack my head with a branch, so I did the least logical thing: I rolled toward Kefka and swung my fist toward him, and through pure luck, I managed to arrange a meeting with my fist and his balls. As he doubled up in pain, I jumped up, and his face met with the top of my head.
He fell to the ground, hard, and stayed there. It appeared to me that I had knocked him out. I carried his limp form home, after making myself look even more injured, of course. I added a tally to my side of the board, after I got home.

End Chapter 1... I revised it a bit and finished it. sorry it took so long, I am just to damn lazy to do any actual work. how troublesome...