CoN 20th Anniversary: 1997-2017
My strange journey

Posted: 16th March 2019 13:16

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Black Mage
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Wow looking back at PMs and old posts by myself here I'm afraid I made myself out to be psychotic. I was incredibly confused about myself and the paths I was taking and the paths I should have been taking. blink.gif

Let me reintroduce myself.

My name is Mitsy I'm a transgender woman. I went to a church at one point for I think it was 5 years closeting myself. I fully came out as myself 2013 and started hormones in 2015. I have been known to be a drama queen at times.

I've lost all the blood relatives that mattered to me except my mom and my cousin and her son. I adopted a woman as a sister into my family around 2016 she's really sweet and I treasure the moments we video chat. I can't wait to meet her in person. I'm single I have met two people one being my ex fiancee they both played on my emotions trying to change me from the woman I am. But after manipulation from my church I wasn't going to let anyone even a woman I loved change me.

If anything I am kinda embarrassed and ashamed of my past behaviors not just here but elsewhere. But I'm always a work in progress like most human beings.

Hopefully my future will bring me even greater wonders and understandings of this strange life.

Thank you to those of y'all who had faith in me that I'd be a better person someday. wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

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I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3
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Posted: 16th March 2019 20:39

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Engineer
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Hey, I remember you posting a bit about your journey. It's really good to see that you're doing better, I hope that you continue down that path, although the trials can be tough. lgbt FF fans unite! smile.gif

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Posted: 18th March 2019 21:16

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I don't know if we ever encountered each other, but hi! smile.gif

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Posted: 20th March 2019 10:39

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Black Mage
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Thank you Harlequin I appreciate your kind words. And yes I understand the trials that I've faced and the trials I continue to face since most my relatives who accepted me have passed on and my local acquaintances have disowned me for me being me it has been hard and lonely at times.

My sis who I mentioned in the original post in this thread is gonna make sure I'm safe and happy if anything happens to my mom. My mom plans on putting my sis in her will being I've got mental disabilities that prevent me from having a normal life. At that point we might move out of Florida. I'm guessing maybe Colorado.

And Hello Elena99 it's nice to meet you if we haven't talked before and forgot. smile.gif

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I treasure those who I love that love me in return. <3
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Posted: 22nd March 2019 15:15

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Cactuar
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I have lurked and read more than I have posted and engaged people.

I did however, read a lot of your posts.

I really appreciate people who are self-aware - you did come across as very self-absorbed at times, but we all do. I didn't want to comment for fear of making your mental psychosis worse or influencing you in the wrong way.

It's strange to follow an internet stranger's journey when they chose to be so open about it. As long as you can see the growth in yourself, that's the most important and reassuring thing you could hope for.

Hormone treatment will obviously add to your emotional turmoil, and outside influences can be very afflicting to someone who's mental state is vulnerable for whatever reasons.

Don't fret over what you think you came across as, or if you thought you were psychotic (you weren't). Showing shame means that you have grown and become a better person - especially here in America, people tend to be shameless and it isn't healthy. We should be embarrassed about stupid things we said or did when we were younger. That's part of growing as a person. To show no shame is to show no remorse and a lot of people these days are sociopaths who's behavior goes unchecked.

As long as you feel like you did the right thing in transitioning, and you feel healthy and you feel happy, don't worry about people who don't understand.

One of my wife's best friends is pre-op male to female and she unfortunately has a condition that hasn't allowed her to fully transition and she only recently centered herself - Buddhism really helped her come to terms with a lot of things, so religion is not inherently a bad thing but it can very easily exploit people if you are going to church or services. You don't need other people to be faithful or religious. So if religion helps you, then don't reject it just because the church and it's community can be manipulative (and lord knows Catholicism and it's off-shoots have a lot of issues).

Florida is a traditionally conservative state, so absolutely moving out of there would be the best decision in the long-term. There are tons of LGBTQ communities that are a safe-haven for their people (and a few I'm sure that are toxic, like anything).

Either way, good luck in your journey and fuck anyone who judges you. Life is too short to let hateful people have a power over you.

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Posted: 25th March 2019 10:39

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Black Waltz
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Quote (seraphimdreamer777 @ 16th March 2019 08:16)
Wow looking back at PMs and old posts by myself here I'm afraid I made myself out to be psychotic.

Try having an idatic memory. smile.gif I've had to get comfortable with the fact that I probably am psychotic. Play a mean guitar, though.

Nice to know ya. CoNmunication!

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